


50 Lifetimes

by MoonGoddex



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies)
Genre: 100 Lifetimes Challenge, Additional Tags/Warnings Posted In Chapter Notes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2020-10-26 15:10:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 51,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20744249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonGoddex/pseuds/MoonGoddex
Summary: My attempt at the100 Lifetimes challenge. Halved to 50 because that's what I can get to.Tags/Warnings/Summaries in each chapter's notes - chapter titles largely serve as short summaries too.





	1. Aphrodisiac

**Author's Note:**

> Preface: I ticked 'choose not to use archive warnings' because each chapter is different. I'll tag any warnings in these notes - feel free to read them out of order and skip a chapter if you like, as everything within this series can be read as a standalone fic.
> 
> Blanket disclaimer:  
I don't necessarily condone the actions of the characters within these fics. They may do illegal, immoral, dangerous, or simply ill-advised things. My fic is not instructional, and the responsibility is on you to do your own research, and come to your own conclusions on whether the things depicted are acceptable IRL or not.  
Additionally, I try to list as many potentially squicky or triggering things as I can think of in the notes, but I can't catch everything. If something within upsets you significantly, please close the tab. Look after yourself first and foremost.
> 
> Tags:- Dubious Consent; Sibling Incest; Sexist Insults; Aphrodisiac; Body Transformation; Humiliation; Knotting; Breeding (threatened)  
Summary:- Thor gravely insulted Loki. Loki chooses a different kind of revenge.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preface: I ticked 'choose not to use archive warnings' because each chapter is different. I'll tag any warnings in these notes - feel free to read them out of order and skip a chapter if you like, as everything within this series can be read as a standalone fic.
> 
> Blanket disclaimer:  
I don't necessarily condone the actions of the characters within these fics. They may do illegal, immoral, dangerous, or simply ill-advised things. My fic is not instructional, and the responsibility is on you to do your own research, and come to your own conclusions on whether the things depicted are acceptable IRL or not.  
Additionally, I try to list as many potentially squicky or triggering things as I can think of in the notes, but I can't catch everything. If something within upsets you significantly, please close the tab. Look after yourself first and foremost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Dubious Consent; Sibling Incest; Sexist Insults; Aphrodisiac; Body Transformation; Humiliation; Knotting; Breeding (threatened)  
Summary:- Thor gravely insulted Loki. Loki chooses a different kind of revenge.

Thor often considered insulting his brother to be a gamble.  
Sometimes, Loki would take it on the chin, stand proud and retort immediately, something far more scathing coming back at him.  
Other times, he'd simply laugh and let it slide, when he was in better humour.

But Thor really knew he'd fucked up when Loki stayed silent and got this particular thin smile on his face.  
And he'd gotten exactly that after he snapped one day, called Loki a 'weak, honourless bitch' in a fit of frustration. And the apologies he followed it with were met with silence, and all were levied at Loki's rapidly retreating back.

The payback didn't happen immediately, which was probably the worst part. Thor knew it was coming, but whether it would happen within the day, the week, the year, or even the century, he didn't quite know.  
When it finally came, almost a month later, it was silent, and he knew immediately that this was the vengeance Loki had planned. He knew the moment he realised his goblet was more bitter than usual as he drained the last drops, and his suspicions were confirmed immediately when his gaze snapped to Loki, who was smiling that same thin smile across the table from him.

It wasn't poison. He trusted that much - Loki wouldn't kill him so publicly, so easily traceable. And they were in public, surrounded by their friends in a tavern off-Asgard, and Thor was afraid to ask, lest the explanation be part of his humiliation.  
But after a few minutes of uncomfortable uncertainty, he found he didn't have to ask any longer.  
A fire burned between his legs, and he could feel something shifting, something unusual. Thor excused himself from the table, retreating to the bathroom to inspect what had been inflicted on him.

As soon as he found privacy behind the locked door, he dropped his leathers and inspected himself.  
For a start, his cock was missing. As were his bollocks. In their stead was a cunt, and, as he reached down to touch it, he found it was absolutely dripping wet.  
He closed his eyes. Took in a deep breath. This was it, he was sure - Loki's revenge was to unman him, similarly to the way he had accused Loki.  
In some ways, he supposed, that was fair. But even that logic, that knowledge that this was fair play, didn't really keep his temper from flaring. They were on another realm, and Thor had every intention of finding some beautiful maiden or young warrior who was enthusiastically willing to keep him occupied for the evening.

He redressed, and spoke to the barkeep.  
"You don't happen to have a room I can rent for a short while, to hold a private conversation, do you?" he asked, trying to keep his voice low.

The woman he had addressed raised an eyebrow at him, put down the glass she had been drying.  
"We have rooms for the entire night only. We aren't that kind of an inn."

Thor closed his eyes and bid back the blush that crept up his cheeks. "You misunderstand me. I genuinely need a space simply to hold a conversation. I mean no euphemism by that, I truly intend to simply talk."

She shook her head, clearly either unaware of who he was, or unimpressed by his status. "Whole night or nothing, sir. Even if you're being honest with me, I can't let us get a reputation. If you get an hour to 'hold a conversation', as you insist on calling it, who else will try that? No. You either pay traveller's rates, or you camp in the field with the rest of the ruffians."

He breathed out a steadying sigh, and reigned in his temper.  
"Fine. Give me a room for the night. I don't care which."  
And he withdrew a coin purse, rested it on the countertop. "Name your price. I'm good for it."

She took his coin, and almost certainly skinned him, but he didn't much care. He grabbed the key before making his way over to Loki, leaning in behind him and hissing in his brother's ear, "I think we need to talk."

"I'm quite happy to talk here, Thor," Loki replied without looking up from his drink, but Thor could hear the smile in his voice.

"You may be. I'm not. Up, before I cause a scene."

Loki took a long swig of ale before rising, turning to throw Thor a cocky smirk. "Lead the way, brother."

Grabbing Loki by the arm, Thor dragged him upstairs to the room, slammed the door behind him, and immediately pinned Loki against the wall. Loki's smirk didn't budge an inch.  
"You know what you've done to me, trickster."

"I think you'd better clarify. I've done a lot of things to you, after all."

"What you've done _tonight_, Loki- change it back. I may consider apologising for slighting you if you do it now."

"Oh, you'll consider it?" Loki laughed. "I'm so honoured to be considered for an apology, truly."

Thor's hand moved quick to grab Loki by the lapel, pulling him so they were nose to nose against one another.  
"I'm in no mood for jokes, Loki. I want my cock back."

Loki simply pressed his knee forward, bullying his way between Thor's legs 'til his thigh pressed up against Thor's cunt.  
And Thor realised with a horrible sinking sensation that he was still soaking wet, aching with warmth and need. He squirmed slightly, trying to keep close to Loki without having his brother making the situation _worse_. On _purpose_.

"You say you want your cock back, Thor, but your body's telling me a different story. Tell me, brother, who's a bitch now? Because with you squirming like you're in heat, I reckon you have a far firmer claim on the title than I do."

Thor saw red, growled and tried to push Loki back against the wall, but his strength wasn't what he expected it to be, and Loki managed to grab his wrists and push him back 'til his knees hit the bed, leaving him pulling back on Loki to stay upright.  
"This is a horrible trick to play on me. Whatever you've done, it ends now."

"I don't think you quite call the shots this evening."  
And with swift movements, Loki twisted Thor's arm, manhandled him 'til he was face-down on the bed, pinning him painfully.  
"I promise you one thing, Thor; I'll take care of you. Because if I let you go back out there like this? You'll fuck the next man you see just to scratch this itch, and you'll let him do whatever he wants to you. You'd let him use you like a bitch, treat you like a bitch. Breed you like a bitch. And if he does that, I might not be able to undo this. Do you understand?"

Thor wriggled so he could look back over his shoulder, scowling at Loki. But, as angry as he was, as untrusting of Loki's words, his will to fight was leaving him with every word Loki spoke, and his desire to just get _used_ grew faster than he ever thought it could.  
"You're wicked. I'm your brother."

"You are," Loki laughed. "And yet, you still gravely insulted me. I could do worse to you, and it would be justifiable revenge. You know this. Consider this to be pity."

Thor made a show of trying to fight, but he knew Loki was right. He could have chosen to try and kill Thor then and there for his words, though he never had gone that far before - a light stabbing at worst, perhaps, but never a real attempt on his life.

Before long, Loki had wrestled Thor's leathers from him, spreading his arsecheeks wide, likely to humiliate him further.  
"Truly, you are magnificent like this. Maybe I should keep you this way."  
One of his fingers trailed up and down the wet slit, making Thor's hips jerk from sensitivity. The sensation was new, and therefore vastly heightened. Or maybe that was whatever Loki had spiked him with - he wasn't wholly certain.  
"I won't waste our time. I know what you need."  
And with that, Thor felt the head of Loki's cock pressing up against him, felt it press inside, at an angle that burned, but Loki wouldn't let him move his hips to make it easier to take. Thor heard his brother cry out behind him as he slid into the hilt, hissing as Thor twitched and tightened.  
But Thor had had a few cocks before - something felt different. And as Loki thrust only gently, barely pulling back out, he realised what was different. The base of his cock was thicker, and filling out unnaturally, wider than the rest of his length.

"_Loki_" he hissed, gut-twisting realisation striking him, "What the _fuck_ have you done to your cock?"  
He asked, but he feared he already knew.

"Like it?" Loki asked, and Thor could hear the amusement in his voice. "I felt, if you wanted to call me a bitch, you had to truly understand what it _means_ to be a bitch. You had to know how it felt to be knotted and fucked right through to completion."

Thor growled and grabbed the sheets, twisting them in his grip, taking out his fury on them.  
"Is forcing me to take your cock not humiliation enough? You truly had to fuck me like a dog to make your point?"  
And as angry as he was, his cunt just got wetter, opening up to take the knot in, letting it swell so tight he knew it wouldn't come out 'til Loki was done with him.  
It shouldn't have made his clit twitch. But it did. He chose to believe that was part of Loki's witchcraft, and nothing to do with his own desires.

It didn't help that Loki leaned in, began whispering low in his ear, "This is where you belong, isn't it, Thor? Below me? Getting bred by me? Sure, I could just make it all go away once I'm done, but I know you. God of fertility. You make flowers and crops bloom, and you make desperate mothers-to-be delighted with your mere blessing, and you love what you do. Wouldn't you love to carry your own? Wouldn't you love to fulfill your destiny?"

"I don't-" he began to argue, knowing his real answer. Knowing he was telling the truth as he whimpered, "I don't want it. Not- not like this. Not now."  
But that truth didn't mean he didn't enjoy the thought of it. Didn't push back against Loki to get him in as deep as he could manage.

"That's a shame, Thor. It really is. You know I can't pull out, now. Not until I'm finished. And as soon as that happens, it's too late for you, isn't it?"

Thor struggled again, almost begging as he asked, "you'll make it go away afterward, won't you? You'll turn me back?"

Loki laughed. "Shut up and enjoy this for now, Thor. It's not like you have a choice in what happens - you might as well get something out of it."

He had a point, Thor silently conceded. It wasn't like he was able to wrestle his way out of this, not like he usually could - and he wouldn't dare scream for help, would never let anyone else see him like this, even if it was Loki's doing.  
So he just shut his eyes, and focused on how it felt. The weight of Loki pressing down upon him, slowly sliding in and out of him just enough to press against this delightful little cluster of nerves consistently? If he shut his brain off and just let it happen, it wasn't bad. Quite the opposite, in fact.

"There you go," Loki soothed, letting go of one of Thor's wrists just enough to comb his hair back, petting it gently. Clearly, he knew Thor had no plans to even waste his energy on fighting any more. "You're taking it so well. You really are built for this."  
He leaned in to kiss Thor's neck, and somehow that felt filthier than anything else, that slight show of tenderness.  
"I should roll you onto your back, now you know your place. Let you watch yourself as you get defiled like the bitch you are. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Thor kept still for a moment before whispering 'fuck it' to himself, and nodding, knowing the blush that crept over his cheeks was clearly visible.

Loki didn't pull out - clearly couldn't - but he pulled back, and rotated Thor's hips. Thor co-operated as much as he could, rotating his body a little and letting gravity do the bulk of the work. When he looked down between them, he saw the swell of Loki's cock straining against the edge of his cunt, locked in place, and let out a moan he didn't plan on making.

"We look good," Loki praised, rubbing a thumb in circles on Thor's inner thigh. "You know, I had no say in what your cunt would look like. What it would feel like. But it fits me perfectly. Maybe you were built for me to use from the start.

Thor growled and dug his fingernails into Loki's wrist.  
"Shut up and fuck me, brother. Touch me."

"You can ask nicer than that."

Gritting his teeth, Thor breathed out, "please."

So Loki relented. With his free hand, he licked his thumbpad and teased Thor's clit, pushing back in again, rolling his hips faster than he had before.  
The sensation was overwhelming. It was filthy, and rotten, and morally corrupt, but it felt so fucking good Thor couldn't even bring himself to care if his desire came from a potion, from his body, or from his mind any more.  
"You're getting close, Thor," Loki whispered. "I can feel it. You want to know what it's like to come like this, don't you? I already know, you know. It feels fantastic. You're going to want more, even after the potion's worn off. When it's wholly out your system, you'll come begging me for more."

"Loki," Thor whimpered, riding his brother's cock and rubbing against his thumb with equal desperation. "Keep going, fuck, please."

"That's it, beg for me. You know you want it. Let go. Let it happen. Let me make you feel good."

"Please," he choked out again, "please, please, I need- I need it, fuck--"  
And with that last desperate curse, he felt his orgasm ripple through his body, throwing his head back against the pillow as it rolled through his limbs, as his toes curled and his vision went white for a glorious few moments.  
Loki didn't let him recover. He pulled his hand away, a small mercy, and redoubled his efforts, fucking Thor as hard as he could, exertion clear in the panting gasps he made.

But it struck Thor just as Loki began to hiss his name that he was still filling Thor's cunt. Not his arse. And he was still very much missing something.  
"Loki," he asked, breathless, "Will I get my cock back once you come in me?"

And Loki had the audacity to laugh, again, though the effect was lost a little with his shortened breaths. "It's a potion, Thor, they don't work that way. You'll have it for as long as it's in your system. So we've a good few hours." He pulled back to look Thor in the eye, as he proposed, "might as well get the most use out of it that you can, right?"

Thor desperately wanted to call him a bastard, but Loki came in him, cock throbbing and pulsing inside of him just right, enough to distract Thor from his irritation.  
And once Loki slipped out, knot finally subsiding, letting the frankly excessive amount of come drip out of Thor's well-used hole, Thor found he enjoyed the sensation too much to hold it against him.

"You're still wicked," he made himself say, to make a point, as his brother rolled off him and curled up on the bed beside him.

"Absolutely. Are we even, then?"

"We probably shouldn't be. You took this way too far. If I were in my right mind, I'd likely have your head off right here and now. But I'm not. So you're allowed to live - at least 'til morning."

"That's lucky. Because if I've measured right, you have that beautiful cunt until the morning. Maybe I can convince you to let me live in the meantime."

Thor actually laughed. "You're that confident in your abilities?"

"Well, you seemed to enjoy this much. There's every chance."

"You always have been a chancer."


	2. Maybe In Another Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Love At First Sight; Enemies to Lovers; First Kiss; Dirty Talk  
Summary:- Loki loves Thor, and he loves Thor more than most people love their partners.

When Loki first laid eyes on Thor, he was 19, and up until that point, he was pretty sure the entire concept of 'love' was a scam, sold to people to make them get married and have kids.  
And, well, Loki didn't want kids. And he didn't want anything from anyone but sex. Sex was good, and the best way to fuck as much as he liked and ensure he wouldn't get landed with kids was to fuck men.

But then he saw Thor. And it didn't feel like he wanted to take him home and fuck him then kick him out before they'd even recovered their breath.  
He wanted to be noticed. He wanted to have Thor's attention.  
Usually he only wanted that when he fucking hated someone, and he wanted them to know he was better than them.

So, obviously, he hated Thor. He talked down to him. He irritated him. He tried to get a rise.

He didn't get one back.  
Thor was 21 and endlessly kind and never took the bait. It drove Loki wild. He kept upping the ante 'til Thor grabbed him by the shoulders and asked, "do you actually hate me? Because I can leave. We can stop talking. But I hope you don't, because I like you a lot, Loki."

So Loki kissed him, because it felt like the right thing to do.  
Loki kissed him once, and then again, and they kept kissing 'til Loki lay flat back on Thor's bed, kept kissing as Thor fucked into him, kept kissing after they'd both came, kept kissing 'til they fell asleep. Kept kissing the next morning, and the morning after that, and the morning after that.

They kissed plenty the night Loki got a little drunk, just around two months after they started kissing.  
Loki briefly wished they hadn't stopped, hadn't left his lips with nothing to do when they moved and said, "It's weird, I almost wish we were brothers or something so I could have known you all my life."  
He realised what he'd said just a few seconds after he'd stopped talking, and cut Thor off before he could reply, backpedaling and apologising because, "That's really weird, sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I didn't mean-"

But Thor was on top of him and kissing him deep enough to swallow the rest of his words, and when he lets Loki's lips free again, he's growling against them, "I understand. I want to be able to call you mine in every conceivable way possible. I want to be your boyfriend. I want to be your best friend. I _want_ to be your brother. I want to be your entire life."

And when Thor pressed his way inside of Loki, he called him 'brother'; and when Loki's body tensed and shuddered and broke, he cried out, 'brother'; and when Thor kept going through the night, so hard Loki could barely walk to grab a glass of water from the kitchen in between sessions, it was fuelled by their possessive whispers, calling each other 'brother' like they were trying to catch up on the years they spent apart from one another.


	3. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Disabled Character; Drabble; Hurt/Comfort  
Summary:- After a battle, Loki heals in different ways than he expected to

Loki's cane helped, but it didn't fix things. He couldn't quite put his full weight on his leg any more - a quick, practiced slice to the hamstring on the battlefield, and he tried to walk on it too soon afterwards for it to heal properly. Some things even godskin can't shed off, leaving a gnarled, ugly scar he could hardly bear to look at.

Thor's care helped more. Learning to brew pain relieving potions at Loki's instruction, as he could stand over the fire for longer, had use of both his hands when upright. He was the only one Loki truly trusted not to poison him, now the opportunity presented itself.

Thor's affections helped most of all, though. He was the only one allowed to see the leg bare any more. At first, it was just to apply salves; but the first time he ran his thumb along the scar and spoke, reverent and fond, like it was truly a thing of beauty, Loki knew he'd be the only one to love it. To see it as a mark of bravery instead of idiocy.

And when Thor laid his lips upon it, Loki was almost even thankful he had it.


	4. Sentient (Or: Get In The Robot, Loki)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Character Death (he gets better though); Vague Acknowledgement of Canon Before I Have Better Ideas; (Like there's maybe 2 parts of IW/EG I keep everything else is post-TR); Robot Sex; Thigh Fucking  
Summary:- Loki dies, and Thor has no interest in keeping him that way.

When Loki died, Thor refused to mourn. Mourning meant accepting, and he knew better than to accept his brother was gone.

The first step was to find a vessel. Of course, Loki's body was kept, preserved - he had the finest witches they had left tasked with keeping it in stasis. But it had been so badly damaged, and he didn't know if his brother would survive being forced back into it.  
Unfortunately, though, the person best equipped to return the body to full functionality was the very person who'd left it behind.  
So there were backups. Some more preferable than others. He didn't especially want to sacrifice another life to give Loki a flesh body, not after they'd lost so many Asgardians in the first place, but that was an option he didn't rule out entirely.  
The best non-organic solution came from the dwarves. It moved like a body, fully articulated at every joint, and while it didn't look wholly natural - metal visible throughout, with some attempts to paint the face a more lifelike colour - it did still fundamentally look like Loki.

The next step was to retrieve Loki's soul. And, to Thor, that was likely to be the easier part.  
He'd fought worse foes. Going to meet his sister again wasn't nearly as daunting now he knew she existed. Now he was prepared.

She wasn't especially moved to help, not at first, not when he used his best diplomatic tools. Death, she assured him, came for everyone, and it wasn't her job to undo it. It was her job to ensure that natural order was respected. Maintained.  
And when he got angry, she wasn't especially afraid. He had no bigger monsters to fight her with, this time, after all. No, she didn't have Asgard's power to draw from - but she didn't need that to defend herself.  
But when he got emotional, she fell silent. Watched him weep. Watched him beg.  
And then, she asked, "He truly means that much to you? That you'd debase yourself by breaking down before me?"  
He did. That was easy to admit, that he meant the world to Thor.

She ran her fingers down his cheek, and tilted up his chin.  
"Brother, mine, I never got to know you. And I never really knew love for anything but death and destruction. In many ways, I'm happy with that. But in some small ways, I envy you. You were given a life I never had. Privileges I never thought to ask for."  
Thor began to speak, and she rested a single finger over his lips.  
"Quiet. Listen to me. Thor, if I let you have him back, you must promise me one thing. One thing only."

"Anything."

"Come visit, sometimes. Let me begin to understand why you care for him so much. Let me know what it's actually like to have brothers."

And he swore he would.  
But Hela could only do so much, and even if she was willing to help more, Loki's soul could not return to his own body and remain there, not immediately, at least, not in the state he'd left it. It would just get sent straight back to Hel, and Thor's journey would have been wasted.  
So she bound it to the dwarven machine, and the first time its eyes opened and began to focus, Thor wept again, holding the cold metal body as tight as he could.

"You built a robot to house my soul," were the first words from Loki's new mouth, and it sounded just like him.

"I did."

"You're absurd, Thor."

"I am."

Loki pulled away, movements shaky as he tried to acclimate to his new body.  
"This is a lot of effort to put into a brother you were about to give up on, you know," he laughed, clenching and unclenching his fingers, listening to the joints whir under the metal.

"Loki. I never wanted to give up on you. I love you."

And Loki laughed, which was clearly the wrong reaction, as Thor's face fell.  
"I'm sorry. But- Really. Why did you bring me back? We were never that close. Not really."

Thor held Loki's hands, rubbing his thumbs along the smooth surface of his brother's new hands, and shook his head.  
"I never got to tell you, Loki. I always took it for granted that we'd have more time. And then we didn't."

"Tell me wh-"

"That I love you," Thor cut off, blurting it out before he had any chance to second guess himself. "I love you, and I love you as more than just a brother. I've been a coward, Loki, and I hope you'll forgive me. I've loved you for a long time, I think, but I kept convincing myself that maybe, if I waited long enough, I'd get over it. Because you were my brother. And I thought that our shared blood would- That it would fuck everything up."

"Well, for what it's worth, not only am I adopted, but I seem to have a distinct lack of any blood whatsoever at the moment."

"Loki. You're still my brother. And I still love you. And I shouldn't have waited this long to say it. I shouldn't have waited until it was technically too late. So I'm saying it now. Even if you don't love me back in the same way, I don't care. I want you around. I've missed your voice. I've missed your nonsense and your mischief. I've even missed you at your very worst."

"This almost sounds like a proposal," Loki noted.

"It can be, if you'd like it to be. Anything."

"Not- no. Don't do that." He shook his head, at first to react, then he continued, seeing just how the motor let it move. He stopped, examined Thor. "You really do love me."

It wasn't a question.  
But Thor still answered, "Of course."

"You love me enough to bring me back as a robot, of all things."

"Of course."

And their first kiss was a clumsy affair - Loki still learning how to move his new body, and Thor too excited to be careful.  
They managed to get back to Thor's quarters, secluded from the rest of the Asgardians. It was nothing like they were used to, back on Old Asgard, but it was all they needed.  
Loki discovered he could still feel, sort of, in a distant kind of way, as Thor kissed down his neck. It felt like being kissed and touched as you fell asleep, still conscious that it was happening, but too far away to really feel it clearly, and he told Thor as much.

"Then I suppose I'll have to do it hard enough it gets through clearly."

Loki gasped as Thor pressed a firmer kiss to his neck, and pressed down on his chest, enough to get some degree of sensation through to him.  
And then Thor stopped.

"What? Have you realised how absurd this is? Or is something wrong?"

"Both, actually, but I don't mind the absurdity. I have become aware that I... am not entirely sure what the dwarves bestowed you with, though."

"...You mean they might not have provided me with-"

"Possibly."  
Loki let out a small sigh, and leaned back, let Thor pull off the light clothes they'd dressed the body in.

"Okay," Thor began, after a moment clearly hesitant, and Loki didn't look down. He kept his eyes on Thor's face as his brother reacted, knowing the answer already.

"Okay. So I'm a doll. Do you have a plan?"

Thor nodded decisively after a moment's hesitation, and knelt between Loki's legs, quickly licking up the metal between Loki's legs with determination. He did it again, and again, 'til Loki rested his hand on Thor's head and let out a quiet gasp.  
Thor pulled back only enough to ask, "Good?"

"Fuck, yes. Keep going."

Thor continued, experimenting with different techniques to see what worked best, what elicited the loudest reactions from Loki. What made Loki buck up against his mouth. What made Loki writhe and twist his new fingers in the bedsheets.

"I'm going to come like this, Thor, fuck," he hissed out. Thor didn't stop, didn't even slow, and when Loki's vocalisations reached a peak, yelling out Thor's name, that was the only sign Thor got that he'd came.  
It may have been disappointing, not to taste Loki's come, if he hadn't been so relieved that bringing him pleasure at all was even possible.

He crawled up to kiss Loki again, slow and far more relaxed, this time. It felt unusual, his lips against the cold and hard surface of Loki's face, but hearing Loki whisper Thor's name against him was enough to make up for it.

"You seemed to enjoy that."

"You're stating the obvious. Are you really so relieved to have me back that you're just going to leave it at that? Or do you want to try and find a way to fuck me?"

"I know how I'm going to fuck you," Thor assured him.

"Oh?"

"Mhm," Thor nodded, kissing his neck again, then leaning back enough to pull Loki's legs together, leaving only a small gap between his thighs. Still wet from Thor's mouth, it made it easy to slip his cock into the gap, tight enough to provide a much-needed pressure and friction, but not so tight it pinched the sensitive skin.  
Maybe this wasn't what the dwarves intended. But it was still good. Good enough that even Loki whimpered as Thor fell into a steady rhythm, using his new body like a toy.  
"Fuck," he hissed out, "fuck, you feel so good."

"Presumably, this isn't what my old body felt like."

"Maybe not. But, if we can get you back in that, I get to learn what you feel like all over again. For now, though, this is you. This is you and you're mine, Loki."

"I'm yours? Just because you brought me back?"

It was with a snarl that Thor corrected, "You're mine because you've always been mine, Loki. You've always been my brother. And you always will be."

Loki didn't argue. Didn't say anything, because Thor fucked his thighs harder, hard enough that Loki could feel it, and he came soon after, sending streaks of come across his stomach.

"Well, luckily, I'm wipe-clean now," Loki joked after a few quiet moments, and Thor couldn't help but laugh. He let go of Loki's legs, falling to lie beside him.

"I really did miss you, Loki."

"Clearly."

"Please. Take me seriously, for a moment."

"I am. I know." A few moments passed in silence, before Loki quietly admitted, "I missed you too. I don't remember everything from Hel, but- I know I missed you."  
They lapsed into another silence, in which Thor cleaned Loki off, tossing the rags he used into the corner of the room - later's problem.  
Then Loki asked, quieter still, "Promise me you won't let me go again? I- I loved you too. Before. And I always thought you hated me. And I don't want to go now I know you don't."

"I didn't hate you. I didn't like everything you did, but I didn't hate you. I won't let you go, though, I swear."

And, childish as it was, Loki extended a pinky, wordlessly held it up. Thor curled his own around it, and repeated, "I promise. I won't let you go. Never again."  
Then he smiled.  
"I do have bad news, though. I did swear to take you with me to visit our dear sister, from time to time. In exchange for you, I mean."

"Oh. Never mind then. Send me back."

Thor laughed, and pressed a kiss to Loki's temple.  
Really, it was barely even a price to pay, in Thor's eyes. For this, he'd have done anything.


	5. Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Dubcon; Villain Loki; (Like actually villainous villainy); Allfather Thor; Mind Control; Sex Magic; Angst (With potentially hopeful happy ending?)  
Summary:- Thor is forced to make a terrible decision regarding the fate of his brother, and it weighs heavily on him.

Going ahead with the spell was one of the hardest decisions of Thor had encountered in his reign as Allfather.  
Loki had been lost to him, missing and presumed, by most, to be dead. And then, he was found again - in the worst possible circumstances. Laying waste to another civilisation. His actions were horrific, inexcusable, and the only thing Thor could do to keep peace between their worlds apart from execute his own brother was to bind him, and chains alone wouldn't keep him forever. Thor had learned that lesson the hard way.

"It's foul, evil magic," he was warned, "but perhaps that's what's necessary to bind a foul, evil witch."  
The adviser was struck for speaking of Loki that way, which Thor wanted to regret afterwards, but he did not. The words spoken may have been true, but they were still a grave insult. He wouldn't hear them.  
But he did hear out the mechanics of how it worked.

It was complicated. Even if it wasn't forbidden, it was prohibitively complex for all but the most talented of seidr users to perform alone.  
But it kept Loki alive. So Thor elected to do it, elected to break well-established laws of the land for this chance to keep Loki from death.

A small group of well-vetted witches worked under his instruction, preparing the initial ritual. Another coven worked to gather ingredients, and brew the potion that was vital to maintain the binding.  
But they alone weren't enough.  
Loki needed to be bound to one person. Someone Thor trusted to take the job seriously. Someone that wouldn't take advantage of him as a thrall, who wouldn't damage him, take revenge, who didn't loathe him enough to take pleasure in the degradation--  
There was nobody. Thor went through every last person powerful enough to counteract Loki, and found he didn't trust a single one.

"Your highness, you don't have to do this. There are many who would take your place. You don't have to dirty yourself-"

Thor held up a hand to silence them, still trying to dissuade him moments before the ritual commenced.  
"He is my responsibility. I will take on the burden. That way, at least, I know what is being done to him."

Either Thor's words finally sunk in, or people were beginning to realise he was too stubborn to be dissuaded.  
The binding went ahead, and it was as foul as he had been warned. He doubted he'd forget the look of loathing on Loki's face any time before he took his last breath.  
Maybe he deserved that. Maybe the act of desecrating his brother's body just to wrestle a little control over him was a deed so dark he had earned the haunting nights awake for the weeks afterwards.

  
_(Jolted from the sleep he had finally managed, through sheer exhaustion as opposed to true peace, from a dream that was hardly more than a memory. Loki's eyes locked into Thor's gaze as the chains were tightened within the circle; Loki's mouth clamped shut with a gag enchanted to ensure his silence; his own brother's naked body laid bare, skinnier than it had ever been, paler than Thor had ever seen. The anger behind his eyes, warping him into a creature Thor barely even recognised. The feeling of breaching his body for the first time. The eyes upon him. Someone's scandalised gasp, clearly muffled by a hand, reminding Thor that this was not a moment between them alone. The frisson of energy that radiated from them when Thor managed to wring an orgasm from Loki, then shortly after, from himself. The distant look in Loki's eyes when a witch hurried over shortly after, popped the muzzle off, and forced a potion down his throat.)_

_(He finally collapsed again near dawn, cheeks streaked with dried tear tracks. He only slept through because he didn't dream.)_

  
There wasn't respite. Not really. Powerful as the spell was, it still needed maintenance. Enslaving, subjugating a person like that, it was difficult enough with even the most weak-willed of beings. With someone as headstrong as Loki?

"I know I told you it would likely need to be once a week, your highness, but he's lucid again." The witch that stood before him had her fingers bunched up in her skirt, knuckles white.

"It's been four days." Thor stared at her, affording her not even a moment's comfort under his gaze.

"Yes, well. We did think it would be less frequent. You see, with most people in the past, it's been fortnightly. We estimated a week to be safe. He, unfortunately, appears to be more powerful than we had calculated."

"Perhaps, for the safety of us all, you should refrain from underestimating him in future."

It became routine. For safety, every four days became the default. Sometimes, when he had to go off-planet for a little while, it would wind up being three days in a row of multiple sessions, to extend the power of it. It still only ever gave them a fortnight apart at best.

  
Some nights he forced himself to go through with it early, hoping to catch Loki while he was still co-operative.  
It was unpleasant to see. Loki was allowed to roam his quarters relatively freely - he had a chain attached to his bed, that kept him from going beyond his door, but allowed him to use the bathroom, and to roam slightly. But there was very little behind his eyes - when he looked at Thor, all there was in his expression was a parody of love and affection. No tricks. No malice. No wit.  
When he was still under the spell, he easily followed Thor's orders, letting himself get pushed back against the mattress, even offering his free hand to Thor to get chained into place so Thor could safely perform his duty.  
Some nights, Thor let himself believe this was real. Let himself pretend that Loki truly wanted this. That his co-operation was all willing, that no magic was involved at all. That his cries of pleasure were true, and his whimpers of 'I love you' were honest.  
And sometimes, after those nights, he'd lay awake in his own bed, far from his brother, and ask himself if that made him just as bad as Loki had been. If he shouldn't be punished for his own deception. Loki, at least, never lied to himself - only to everyone else. Loki, at least, was forthright about his desire to subjugate and rule, to massacre, to terrorise; but Thor still allowed the pity from those around him, who thought he was noble for dealing with Loki the way he did.

In reality, he was doing what he told everyone else he wouldn't tolerate. He was taking advantage. He was finding pleasure in it.

  
To make up for it, some nights, he'd chain Loki to the bed, then wait 'til the spell began to lose its power. He'd sit at the end of the bed, let Loki writhe and curse and swear at him, let him call Thor a twisted freak, let him vent his rage 'til exhaustion took him enough for it to be safe. Then, and only then, would he force the potion down Loki's lips, and only when its sedative effects began to kick in would he force his cock inside of Loki's body and he would force his will upon Loki's consciousness.  
He was still a coward. But he had let Loki be himself for a little while, even if the words that were slung at him hurt. He deserved them.

And he did this every few weeks until things didn't go as planned.  
Loki stopped his screaming and cursing long enough to ask, "Why do you never defend yourself? You know I can't remember clearly what you do to me, don't you? I just remember the first time. You could deny everything, but ever since I figured out what holds me, you've just... you've let me scream. You've never tried to tell me I deserve it, you've never tried to tell me it's for my own good. You just sit there. Out of reach, looking miserable."

Thor couldn't meet his eye. But he answered. He felt he owed him that much.  
"That's because I know what I'm doing is horrific. And because I really do love you, Loki. I really am sick."

"You believe that?" Loki asked, and almost laughed, but not quite.

"I know that. I wish, often, that things were different. I wish that when you're under me, begging for more, and telling me you love me- I wish it was real, and not just magic and potions. I wish I had told you that I loved you too, and sooner. But it's not real. It's hollow. And when it's happening, I know you're not the brother I've always loved. Because that man would never- you'd never just submit to me like that."

A silence falls between them, and Thor expects Loki to launch into another tirade.  
But when he talks, it's quiet, and he asks, "Why would you love me after everything I've done?"

"I cannot tell you, Loki. I simply do. I want my cunning, whip-smart brother back. I want him using all his many talents for- well, if not for good, then at least for neutral purposes. I want him ruling by my side as rightful Prince of Asgard, lineage be damned. I want him calling me a fool, and a brute, instead of simpering after me mindlessly. I want him tricking me and laughing at me. I want all of that more than I want to keep fucking you, but I'd move every last root and branch of Yggdrasil to have both, if I could, even if I don't deserve it.  
"But I won't get that, will I? You won't give up your goals of conquering, and I'm not enough of a love-struck fool to believe you'd change. You're far too stubborn, and I don't believe my love is good enough motive for you. So I'm going to make do with this... fantasy. This ghost of what you were."  
His laugh is bitter when he takes a moment to think about what he's said.  
"That sounds like I'm asking for pity for raping you. I'm not. I don't expect that. I just felt you had the right to know. So that if you ever do escape, you know to come and kill me first, before you cause destruction elsewhere. So I don't have to see you lay waste to all the work I've put into the Kingdom, and the nine realms. That's the only mercy I ask for, though I know I don't deserve that either."

There's a long silence, and Thor has nothing further to say.

When Loki does whisper, "If I knew you wanted me too, perhaps I'd never have done so much to attract your attention," Thor finally looks his brother in the eye.

"Is that truly a regret of yours, or are you leveraging my emotions to manipulate your way out of here?"

"Well. I know my truth. But if I try too hard to convince you of it, you'll believe I'm lying."

"Probably."

Another silence falls, and Thor considers. He knows he deserves to be tricked, but the rest of the Kingdom, his people, they don't deserve to be on the receiving end of Loki's rightful anger.  
He pledges to himself then that he won't be tricked. He won't be a fool. He is still a king, and has responsibilities beyond his emotions.

Loki eventually asks, "You give me a potion first, don't you? Is it a sedative?"

"I can't tell you that. If I give you too much information, you run the risk of breaking the spell."

"I'll rephrase that. I know you give me potions. I remember when you've let the magic wear off enough for conversations like this, before things get hazy. So I have to assume it's a sedative. Something that helps keep the initial spell working as intended, which is, almost certainly, a binding spell. You probably have me as your thrall. Correct?"

"...You always had a knack for this," Thor can't help but smile. "What's your point?"

"Well, if it is a binding spell, the sedative potion doesn't necessarily need to come first. They're both necessary if you want it to continue, but you'll be using the potion first to ensure I'm co-operative and don't prevent you from making either of us come. So. If you wanted, you could fuck me first. See the real me reacting to it. Let me remember it, too. Then, once we're done, you can give me the potion."

Thor's smile became painful.  
"That wouldn't be safe. Much as I'd like to believe, I am well aware you could be lying, plotting just to get me on top of you so you can try and stab me in the neck, or choke me."

And Loki looks genuinely sad when he nods, and says, "Of course."

They sit in silence for another while, and when Thor tells him, "I ought to get it over with," Loki doesn't fight, for once. Opens his mouth without being forced, and keeps his mouth shut without struggling as Thor holds his jaw shut. He swallows immediately, no attempts to spit it out for a change.

And when Thor parts Loki's legs, and spreads his hole, and breaches him, he cries openly, burying his face in the crook of Loki's neck. He lets himself pretend again that this is real as Loki tries to soothe him. Pretends there's no tricks. Just love. And when Loki comes, slurring out Thor's name, Thor pretends that's what it would sound like.  
It's not 'til he's finished that he realises that Loki's face is wet, that there's a purple stain on the pale sheets.

"Did you... Did you fake swallowing it and spit it out when I wasn't looking?" he asks, and Loki just smiles at him. "How much did you actually drink?"

"Li'l bit. Not enough."  
There isn't the blind love and devotion Thor's become used to seeing after he's finished. There's something more complicated. There's some of Loki's old mischief behind his eyes, and there's something else that looks suspiciously like his own reflection. But there's a woozyness, a haze that Thor can't quite see all the way through, and in that haze grows doubt.

He cups Loki's chin and asks, "Are you really with me?"

Loki giggles, and calls him a "Great big oaf," his head lolling to one side with a slight smile.

It's not entirely his brother. There's enough wicked potion in him to make Thor certain of that.  
But there's enough of the boy he knew that the doubt blossoms into little flowers of hope.

Slowly, though. A little at a time.  
Thor grabs one of the spare bottles he always brought in case of this, and poured around half down Loki's throat, whispering, "Swallow for me, Loki. I'll come see you soon."  
And he does. And Thor doesn't know what he should think.

But he knows exactly what he feels, and that's complicated enough.


	6. The Western Shore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Frostmaster; Ragnarok/IW compliant; Pining; Character death  
Summary:- Loki perspective during Ragnarok/IW

It's just survival, you tell yourself, as he tips up your chin and purrs appreciatively. If you go along with this, you'll survive. And if you survive long enough, you'll find an opportunity. Make a plan.

It's just survival, you repeat, as he extends an invitation to his private chambers, and you know that refusing means either death or a sharp fall down the social ladder. It's safer the higher up you can clamber.

It's just survival, as you play hard to get, play coy and shy and inexperienced. But he likes that. He tells you he'll take it slow, but you're not the only one here, and you need to strike the perfect balance between keeping your safety in tact, and keeping yourself interesting enough to stay at this prized spot.

(And it's not unfaithful. It can't be. For a start, you never got around to telling him how you felt. Always ran away like maybe if you ran fast enough your thoughts wouldn't catch up. And you went as far as to fake your death, twice over, and it still wasn't- the time was never right. It might never have been right. What if he got angry about it? Lashed out? Disowned you? Weaponised your emotions? What if he was disgusted and rejected you?)  
(Not that any of that matters now. Not now he's dead.)

You don't have time to mourn what you've lost or the situation you find yourself in. It's all party all the time and if your heart wasn't so heavy you'd maybe enjoy that.

But then he arrives.  
And the heaviness in your heart turns to a fluttering anxiety, seeing him alive, and seeing him in chains like that. Helpless, for a change. You'd enjoy the sight in any other circumstance. You still do, because having him incapacitated is better than not having him at all.

Maybe if you can get him free you can convince the man in charge that he's better suited for the kinds of parties you've been privy to. Maybe he'll order the two of you to perform for his pleasure. Maybe you'll pretend you're repulsed by that but do it anyway, you know - it's just survival, after all.

But he has other plans. And you follow, because you always do. You'd follow him to the ends of the earth.

And then, you do.


	7. Whipping Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Child Abuse; Whipping Boy Loki  
Summary:- Thor keeps failing in his studies, and Odin thinks up a wretched scheme to make him try harder.

Odin had tried using whipping boys with Thor before, but it never seemed to work out. Thor kept struggling, and, on more than one occasion, had walked out of a lesson. "You can't whip them for me getting answers wrong if I'm not there to answer," he'd reasoned.

So when Odin put his foot down and said, "This time will be different," Thor didn't quite believe it.

Not until Loki was led into the room, and Thor was told by a new, sweetly smiling tutor, "If you get answers wrong, he gets whipped. If you talk back, he gets whipped. If you walk out, he gets double. Are we clear?"

He'd never been too afraid to talk back to anyone in his life. Loki tried - sneered that he was a prince too, and his learning was coming along perfectly well, thank you very m--

The crack of the switch against the backs of his legs stole the end of his sentence from his lips.

Thor tried so hard. His tutor kept smiling, saccharine sweet, waiting on his answers, waiting, waiting- but she only waited so long. Silence, too, got Loki whipped.

"Why is father letting you do this to me?" Loki asked, and Thor could see his lip tremble as he tried to compose himself.

"Because," she explained, slowly, as if they were still toddlers with a shaky grasp of their language, "Thor is still failing, and he clearly doesn't care enough about the other whipping boys to keep them from harm. Unfortunately for you, he doesn't want to see you hurt. So his Highness gave me special permission to use you."

Thor watched Loki's eye twitch, and waited for him to retaliate.

He didn't.

And Thor didn't understand why. Didn't get a chance to even ask for five long, gruelling hours.

Once dismissed and out of sight, Thor grabbed Loki by the wrists to see his palms.

"I'm so sorry," he gasped out, rubbing his thumbpad across the welts. "Why didn't you strike back? I've seen you use a knife. I've seen you use magic."

Loki shook his head, tried to yank his hands back, but Thor's grip didn't budge. "I tried, and I failed. She must be a more powerful witch than I am."

Thor pulled him into a tight hug, and laid kisses on his shoulder, the side of his head. Whispered so low nobody else would hear, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll try harder. I'll stay up all night studying."

"You won't." Loki pressed his fingers into Thor's sides, relaxing his brother's grip on him a little. "If you don't get any sleep you'll be tired and more stupid than usual tomorrow."

"Then help me steal a sword from the training grounds. We'll have her head off."

"I'm sure father would be pleased with you. Your first beheading, and it's a tutor he clearly favours?"

Thor stepped back to look at his brother properly. Tried to _think_.

"I don't know what else to do, Loki. You're the one that's good at this kind of thing."

"I know what you're going to do. You're going to come with me to get salve, then, after dinner, we're going to the library and studying 'til your bedtime. You don't need to be an expert overnight. You just need to be good enough for tomorrow. And tomorrow evening, we get you good enough for the next day. Understood?"

"You shouldn't have to do that for me."

"No. But I'm doing it so I don't get whipped any more, too. Consider it mutually beneficial."

And Thor didn't quite understand what those words meant, but he knew learning was a good step towards helping Loki get out of this.


	8. Chatlog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Chatlogs; Feelings Confession; Human AU

Loki: Hey. I need to speak to you.

Thor: Sure!! Why, what's up? Are you okay??

Loki: Yeah I'm alright I just need to speak. I'm not mad but it is serious.

Thor: Oh. Alright. What's wrong?

*Loki set the auto-destruct timer to 30 seconds*

Loki: Okay I'll know if you screenshot this too, see,

*Loki took a screenshot!*

Loki: So don't try be weird about it

Thor: I wasn't planning to but I am very confused and curious now?

Loki: Okay

Loki: First off I want to be clear. I'm not confused. I know who you are. You are my brother. Nothing I'm about to say will change that.

Thor: Okay...? You're my brother too. You always will be. I'm kind of nervous now that [you've said that to be honest?

Loki: Yeah me too.

Loki: Okay. Look. If this is too weird, just. We'll let the chat wipe and never talk about it ever again. In fact, if you do bring it up I'm gonna act like you're the weirdo freak.

Thor: I would never think you were a freak, Loki. You're a weirdo, but I appreciate that about you...

Loki: Right appreciated and everything but please don't talk until I'm done writing from now on ok?

Thor: ...

Loki: Good that was a test and you passed, congratulations.

Loki: So. I know I said I know you're my brother. And I mean that. I'm not under any delusions to the contrary.

Loki: But I've been getting feelings for you and like, not typical brotherly love feelings.

*Loki deleted a message*

Loki: I know I had auto destruct on but I also know you saw that but the thought of leaving a vulnerable message up there like that was making my skin crawl so, y'know. It's gone.

Loki: But yeah. Basically whatever you think it is, it probably is. And if you want to call me a freak now, I get it, but also fuck you.

Loki: You can speak now.

Thor: Okay.

Thor: I'm not going to call you a freak.

Thor: I am gonna ask, though,

Thor: What exactly do you want from this conversation? Do you want things between us to change? Or do you want it to stay the same but you want me to just, y'know, be aware that that's how you feel?

Loki: I mean obviously ideally I'd like to change things. I know you're not gonna throw yourself at me or whatever though so, I dunno. I thought I'd take a chance, I guess? Sorry for fucking trying.

Thor: No, stop that.

Thor: I'm asking exactly what you want from this. Do you just want more physical affection? Like, more hugging? Kissing? Do you want to go as far as sex stuff?

Loki: Yes.

Thor: ...to all of it?

Loki: If you didn't want that answer why did you even fucking ask?

Thor: I didn't say I didn't want that answer. I just want to be clear, Loki. Can you stop being antagonistic for 5 minutes and just assume I'm not rejecting you?

Loki: Is that you saying you're interested or are you asking me to chill so I don't flip out when you do reject me?

Thor: I mean this probably isn't a good idea, but despite that, I'm not as resistant to it as I probably should be. Like logically I get the right thing to say here is 'Loki, we're brothers, this can't happen' but I'm not wanting to say that. I'm... not sure what I DO want to say, but it's not no?

Loki: So you want to do something that's a bad idea.

Thor: Kinda

Loki: You wanna kiss me?

Thor: I think so? I mean, we can try it? If it turns out not to be like... Okay, then I don't see why we can't chalk it up as a bad experience and move on

Loki: Ah, see, that's a problem. If you kiss me and hate it then I am going to absolutely lose my fucking mind.

Thor: So... If we don't try anything, you're gonna be mad at me for not doing anything, but if we try something and I don't like it, you're gonna be mad at me for doing something and stopping?

Loki: That sounds about right.

Thor: That puts me in a difficult situation.

Loki: I am aware.

Thor: Okay. Can you afford me like... One free shot before you get angry with me? I get it if I make out with you a bunch then change my mind, but if I do it just once to decide, will you be calm about it?

Loki: I can try.

Thor: Trying is better than outright refusing, so I'll take that. How much do you want to try? Do you want to keep it simple, with like, just hugging and kissing a little before deciding one way or the other?

Loki: That is probably wise. If we go any further than that I really cannot be held accountable for how little I'm able to chill.

Thor: Well, no. You can still be held accountable for it. But I get it'll be harder for you to be calm.

Loki: So. When? Now? Cause I can come through just now.

Thor: Will you be able to handle it tonight if I end up saying no?

Loki: Yes.

Thor: Should I trust you?

Loki: Maybe.

Thor: That's probably as good as I'm gonna get, huh?

Loki: Yeah.

Thor: Fine. Come through. And just know that, no matter what happens, I love you. I adore you. And nothing that's about to happen will change that.

Loki: I hope you're right.

Thor: I am right. I know I am.


	9. Delirious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- AFAB nonbinary Loki; post-surgery; pain medication  
Summary:- Loki didn't mean that, surely?

Loki was delirious from the painkillers the hospital had them on.

(It was a happy thing. Thor was happy for them. They'd been miserable, their back killing them, avoiding going out in public, wearing ill-fitting hoodies so they didn't have to make the pain any worse.)  
(They just needed to get through this one big batch of pain, and that would be over. They'd be able to wear what they wanted. They'd be able to be themself.)

He didn't quite know what prompted him to do it. Maybe it was how fragile they looked - maybe it was how worried he had been, just in case they had an adverse reaction to the anaesthetic.  
But they were awake now. And he petted their hair, gentle, whispering, "You're okay, Loki, you're with me. I'm here. I'm gonna look after you."

Their eyes blinked open slowly and fixed him with a look of recognition - the clearest he'd seen them be since they woke up.  
And then they spoke, the clearest they'd spoken since they woke up.  
"I always wanted to fuck you."  
Still slurred, but a whole sentence. And one that Thor wasn't prepared to hear.

"Loki," he immediately shooshed, placing two fingers across his sibling's lips.  
But that didn't stop them repeating what they'd said, before promptly falling back asleep.

Thor stared at their face, slowly pulling his fingers back.  
What was he supposed to do? Was he meant to address that? Or was that just the opiates talking?  
He just sat, dumbfounded, and stared. Pinned to his visitor's chair, wondering if anyone in adjoining beds had heard. If they knew they were siblings. If they were in any state to care about other peoples' affairs.

It felt stupid, to be caught up on this, when there were whole rows of people in pain. There was probably someone dying in the building right now. Definitely a grieving family.  
And here was Thor; staring at his sibling and realising all the ideas he'd had about them over the years, all the fantasies he'd squashed down and hidden from himself before they got too out of hand, weren't so misplaced after all.

(And if they were? If it was just Loki's idea of a joke while he was drugged up? Or if Loki had mistaken him for someone else?)  
(What would he do then?)

No.  
He resolved to wait. Wait until Loki was healed. Until they were able to make rational decisions.  
That was about as sensible as he could be, considering the circumstances.


	10. Glory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Glory hole; Unsafe sex; Unintentional incest; Compromised anonymity; Intersex Loki; Vaginal sex; Oral sex;  
Summary:- Thor goes to a glory hole for the first time, and is so enchanted with the person on the other side he has to get a glimpse of them.

Thor had known the place existed for a while, though he hadn't yet gained the courage to go.

_(What if he got caught? What would the people say, knowing their prince attended that kind of seedy establishment?)_

There were so many reasons why it was a bad idea. He'd talked himself out of it time and time again, but the curiosity just didn't leave him.

_(What if he caught something? What if he got some stranger pregnant?)_

The anonymity was exciting, but- was it guaranteed?

_(Was privacy ever guaranteed? It wasn't like he could ask.)_

Eventually, though, he worked up the courage. Or, perhaps, the stupidity.  
With a cheap, unadorned cloak he'd bought on the outskirts of town, pulled down low over his face, he entered the bar, and headed straight to the back room he'd heard so many whispers about.

One stall was free - the other wasn't.

_(Did that mean someone was already in there? Were they here for this?)_

He entered, and locked the door behind him. One slow breath in. One slow breath out.

He glanced down at the hole in the wall, and without any word or warning the occupant of the next stall backed up against it, exposing a wet and ready cunt, fingers with black polish on them spreading their lips obscenely wide.  
Thor swallowed down his nerves. Okay.  
He'd brought a sheath, in case - better to be safe, right? He slid it onto his cock, already hard, and slipped an experimental finger inside this _(stranger's)_ cunt.

They said nothing, but they gasped, and moaned a little as he pressed another in, and another. They rolled their hips, pushing back insistently, and Thor took that to mean they wanted more.

_(The thrill of anonymity was making his dick throb, yes, but this lack of face to face contact? Not knowing if he could ask questions? Not knowing if he was doing what his partner wanted? It sat a little uneasy in his stomach.)_

He pulled his fingers out, which his partner whined at, but they stopped when they felt the blunt head of Thor's cock pressing against them.

_"Yes,"_ Thor heard hissed, faint, and that was a relief, knowing this was what they really wanted.  
So he pushed forward, not thinking, just moving. Just doing what his body wanted him to do.

They were tight. They were so fucking tight, despite how wet they were, and Thor wished there was something he could grip onto. Usually, it would be his partner's hips.  
He didn't think he'd last very long, but he was confident he could keep going after he came once - so he let himself tip over the edge, within only a few mere minutes, balls pulsing as he emptied himself inside the sheath.  
But as he tried to pull back to put a fresh one on (though even touching it to hold the base was much too sensitive - he'd power through), his partner's fingers reached between them and wrapped around his cock. They felt up and down, clearly realised there was a barrier in place, and hooked a fingernail around the base of it, pulled it down, and as Thor pulled back, it was stripped from him, leaving it in his partner's fingers.

They dipped a finger into it, soaked it in Thor's cum, then pushed it inside of them before dropping it to the floor.

Thor gasped, and whined, resting his forehead against the cool wood of the stall wall.  
So much for his plans to avoid getting his partner pregnant. Though, if they did that, perhaps they were safe? Surely nobody would really risk getting knocked up by a complete stranger like this.

Their hand reached back to feel for Thor's cock, and they found it, still hard. Gently, they coaxed him back, and slid him back inside them.  
It felt fantastic before, but bare skin on skin? The thrill of it, the potential danger? It was filthy. It was terrifying. It was delightful.

He felt their hand moving below, and tried to figure out what they were doing. It didn't feel like they were rubbing their clit - it wasn't close enough for that. Idly, he wondered if they were in possession of a cock as well. Picturing that felt good - he'd never been with anyone like that before, but it would be deeply inaccurate to say he wasn't interested. It wasn't something you just _asked_ for, though, was it? That would be rude. He wouldn't want someone he liked to feel like he was just trying to get their affections purely so he could check a box on a list of 'types of people he'd fucked', and he couldn't imagine a way to phrase it that didn't make it sound like that.  
So to happen upon someone built like that by chance? Someone who was totally willing, and wanted it bare?

He was getting close again, he could tell, and there wasn't really much point in pulling out if they'd already taken some of his come inside of them.  
He let out a small hiss, a warning, and they just rolled their hips, pushed back in answer.  
So he broke inside them again, gasping, not pulling out 'til he'd spent his last drop.

He pulled back, and pressed a finger forward to feel his come in them, but he barely got halfway inside them before they pulled away.  
_(His finger was soaked with his own come, though, and without thinking, he pulled it up to lick it clean, tasted both of them on his tongue.)_

Before he could open his mouth to ask what they wanted (because surely that wasn't enough), they had turned, and slipped their own cock through the hole.  
He had been right. He had been _right_, he was getting to experience _this_, and his heart hammered in his chest.  
He was on his knees in seconds, wrapping his lips around their long, slender cock. With one hand, he worked the base, more enthusiasm than technique. This hadn't been the first cock he'd sucked, but it had been a while, and he'd missed it. He'd missed the taste, he'd missed feeling his partner push it further than he could take and choking, eyes watering, and this person, they were giving him everything he'd wanted.  
His only complaint was that he didn't have their fingers in his hair, gripping it tight.

_(And it was the feeling of degradation, of being on his knees and serving that he really missed. Sure, a few past partners had given him that, but they weren't pleasant people, and they had ulterior motives. Everyone else who'd had a cock was too afraid of offending the prince to give him what he really needed, even when he asked. Practically begged.)  
(Another benefit to the anonymity this setup afforded.)_

They didn't warn him before they came, pushing forward further, burying themself deep in Thor's throat as they finished.  
He pulled back just enough to taste some on his tongue, rolled it around and savored it.

If he thought he could come again, he'd have touched himself as he did this. As it stood, he needed to recover.  
No matter. He'd have the rest of the evening to rub himself raw back in his room. Especially as his partner pulled away, and he heard the sounds of someone hurriedly dressing.

_(Was it bad form to try talk to someone after this? Was it incorrect to try and arrange another hookup, one where they could see each other? He wanted to try, wanted to ask if they'd be interested in fucking him next time. But the danger there was revealing his identity. And what if they weren't his type, when he got a proper look at them? That would be rude, wouldn't it? Rejecting them after coming inside them twice? With their come still sitting hot in his stomach?)_

Still, he dressed himself quickly, too, pulling the hood of his cloak up over his head, and slowly, silently opening the door, hoping to catch a glimpse of them through the cracks between hinges as they left.

And he did, for a split second before they pulled their own hood low over their head. Saw a face he'd recognise anywhere, and it took all his considerable strength not to blurt out, 'Loki?' - only managed it by clapping his hand over his mouth.

He stood, paralysed.

_'I fucked my brother'._

He swallowed, still tasting the come in his throat.

_'I sucked my brother's cock.'_

He couldn't think anything else. Those were the only two thoughts that circulated through his mind as he stood, silent, barely even breathing.

Then his body worked on autopilot, hurrying back to the palace, aiming for the safety of his room, not saying a word to anyone he passed, not even looking at them.  
He didn't bother talking to the guards, gaining clearance. He simply shed his cloak in an abandoned alley, summoned Mjolnir and prayed she'd still come for him after what he'd just done. By some miracle, she did, and she took him back to his balcony without any questions, or judgement.

Only when he was under the cold stream of his shower did his mind clear any. Only then did he manage to form any further coherent thoughts.

Should he say anything?  
Was that the right thing to do? Or was it better to let Loki live in ignorance?  
What if he hadn't been safe? What if-- Surely it was best to let Loki know so he could undo the damage as soon as possible?

What if Loki hated him for it?  
What if Loki never wanted to see him again for it?  
Was that too selfish to even factor in?

He slept on it, but fitfully. And the cold light of the morning didn't bring him any clearer answers.


	11. Magical Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Magical Boys AU; Talking pets; Mutual Pining  
Summary:- Malkin, Loki's mentor mascot, is shit fucking tired of his nonsense.

Having pets that speak just sort of came with the whole magical boy territory. It was fine. Loki was used to it. Thor's hyperactive Labrador was Thor's problem, and Loki's far more manageable cat, Malkin, tended to just lay there and give guidance when requested. He even had the good sense to hack his hairballs outside.

So Loki didn't exactly expect it when, after a particularly irritating face-off with an evil force, Malkin piped up with a yawn unprompted.  
"For goodness sake, just fuck Thor already."

"...Pardon?!"

"I said what I said, boy," he unhelpfully provided, sticking out a leg and licking it clean.

"I- Are you mad?" Loki asked, lowering his voice enough Thor couldn't hear through the walls. "He's my _brother_. I can't- you know humans don't just- we're not allowed. And I don't want to!"

"Mm," Malkin purred, curling up into a comfortable ball. "You might not be 'allowed', I'll concede. But you're lying about not wanting to. The other boys maybe can't see it yet, but we can. The mutt and I had a chat. You're so concerned about each other, and whether you like each other or not, that you're getting sloppy with your work. So we're taking the guesswork out of it for you. You like Thor. Thor likes you. Okay, understood? Excellent. Go do something about it, then start focusing on fighting evil. You know, like you're supposed to do."

Loki stared at his cat blankly for a few moments before asking, "Is it incredibly obvious?"

"To us, yes. We're around you both all the time, especially when it's just the two of you. To others, I think perhaps not."

"...Okay. And you know he feels the same way?"

"It's delightfully easy for me to sneak into rooms unnoticed. And usually that's a fantastic thing. Not so much when I get trapped in the room with a boy who's touching himself and whimpering out his brother's name as he does it, though. So yes, Loki, I know he feels the same way. And I know you do too, though I've thankfully not been cursed with a similar experience with you - I just see how you look at him, and how differently you act around him compared to everyone else you know. So please. Please. Go deal with it. Sooner rather than later. In fact, if you don't tell him this week, I'll personally break the news to him myself. Deal?"

"No deal! I don't want you telling him."

Malkin smiled his unnatural Cheshire smile.  
"That's fine, then. Do it before I do, and I won't tell him."

And Loki knew he didn't really have a choice in the matter.


	12. Cosplay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Cosplay AU; First kiss; First time  
Summary:- Loki pushes a cosplay photoshoot a bit further than Thor expected him to. It works out well for both of them.

Loki got into cosplay first. The ability to dress up, to become whoever he wanted for a day? Incredibly appealing.  
And he got some attention for it. Quite a bit, in fact.

That was when he dragged Thor into it. Sure, he could pull off the skinny, pretty characters - but if he needed a bigger, bulkier character with him?  
Well, he needed his big brother.

And Thor was all for it, especially as Loki made most of the costumes for him. Every now and then, he'd sit Thor down and explain what he had to do and leave him to paint, or sandpaper something down, or sew a straight line - and that worked out well, as those were generally jobs Loki _could_ do, but fuck, they were tedious to him. But to Thor, it was exciting, as he was learning a new skill and steadily improving.

It was a good system. They both wound up quite popular for it. Not wildly so - they could still walk down the street without being hassled, y'know? The kind of internet fame that only really mattered at conventions, that didn't translate into real-life gain.  
But that was okay. For Loki, any attention was good attention. And Thor was just happy to help. And to spend time with his brother.

Then Loki asked his followers for requests.  
And he realised there were... a lot of requests of popular ships, with characters with their kind of size difference.  
...He didn't tell Thor why they started on their next project. Just suggested it casually, and kept his face a relatively neutral kind of pleased when Thor enthusiastically agreed.

The photo shoot they booked after it was finished went well. They got plenty of shots of them together, but not _together_, and Loki was wondering if the photographer just didn't want to ask them to do any ship-bait poses because she knew they were brothers.  
But with ten minutes left, she asked in a roundabout manner, avoiding his gaze by looking down at their feet, and Thor laughed nervously, and Loki cut him off saying, "Yeah, sure. Like this?"  
And he wrapped his arms around Thor's neck, pressing their foreheads together, forcing Thor to lean down into the embrace.

Thor barely moved his lips as he asked, quiet, "Is this not weird?"

"Probably if we weren't in cosplay, yeah. But it's fine."

And Thor just nodded, took Loki's word for it, and let himself be manhandled for the rest of the shoot, let both Loki and their photographer guide them, and tried to keep his heart rate from skyrocketing. Slow, steady breaths.

"Would you be comfortable with like, a nearly kiss? Just enough it looks like you are if I angle the camera away a little?"

Thor's eyes locked with Loki, who shrugged.  
"I'm okay with it if you are," was all he said, and Thor didn't know what he was expected to say. Was he allowed to say, 'I don't want to do that?'  
Was that even the truth?

"Uh, sure? I guess?" was what he ended up saying, and with Loki up against his face, he felt his cheeks go hot.

The photographer luckily went around to face towards Loki, so the flush that creeped up his neck and face wouldn't be in shot. Maybe it wouldn't show up anyway? Maybe the foundation Loki had put on him was enough to cover it?  
But without warning, Loki closed the tiny gap, pressed his lips against Thor's, and as Thor grabbed Loki's arm, he heard a shutter click.

His gut dropped.  
Their first - maybe only - kiss caught on camera. That probably wasn't a good thing, right? She'd be able to tell it was real. She'd be able to tell he was into it. It would be so obvious. Everyone would see. He'd have to ask her to delete-

"You guys wanna see? The last one looked so good!"

He blinked rapidly to try bring himself back down. Loki craned his neck to check the screen, and made a high pitched noise of delight.  
"We look so cute! Thor, come see, this is adorable."

And Thor did.  
They just... looked like the characters. Like fanart of them together. If he didn't know already that this was them, he wouldn't have figured it out just by looking at the pictures.

He nodded, and smiled, and headed back into the convention hall with Loki once they finished up, somewhat dazed.

It wasn't until they were back in the safety of their home that Loki asked, "were you okay with me kissing you?"

That traitorous flush crept up Thor's face again, and this time, he'd wiped off the foundation and taken off the wig that had saved him last time.

He said nothing, but Loki responded to his silence with, "that's either a no, or a very hard yes."

"...I didn't mind it. I'm not mad at you for it."

"So you were into it."

Thor took in a deep breath.  
"Kisses are nice, generally, so, y'know." He shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

Loki said nothing. Just pushed Thor back onto their couch and crawled onto his lap.  
"Be honest with me, Thor," he breathed out, barely loud enough to be audible.

He responded just as quiet with, "Don't make me say it."

"Okay. Then don't say it. Show me."

If this was a trick, then Thor would be ruined.  
So he whispered out a prayer to whatever deity would pity him, and picked Loki up, legs wrapped around Thor's waist, and carried him through to his bed, pressing his weight down, pinning him to the mattress. The pieces of cosplay they still hadn't torn off as soon as they got home were shed then, Thor kissing every inch of skin that got exposed.

Whatever deity had listened, he swore he'd make as many offerings as it would take to keep them happy. To keep this happening.

And as he pushed inside his brother for the first time, both of them cried each other's names.  
There was no pretending. No imagining they were the characters they had been dressed as.  
They really wanted each other.


	13. Body Worship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Body Worship; Endgame Thor; Body Image Issues; Loki was dead but he's better now  
Summary: Thor doesn't love his body as it is now. But sometimes, when you can't muster up your own self-love, outsourcing can help.

Thor knew he wasn't happy with his body in a vague sort of way after he lost everything. He knew it had changed, and while he didn't begrudge other people looking this way, he knew he looked like this because he was - well. He was depressed. He might as well be blunt about it; he was depressed, and he'd gained weight, because the mere idea of exercising was exhausting, and he kept trying to eat his feelings away because the vulnerability involved in talking about them was more than he could bear.  
So seeing it in the mirror was essentially a monument to how much things fucking sucked.

But mostly, he numbed all of his emotions. Including ones of dissatisfaction. And it wasn't like anyone else was seeing him much, especially not naked - he could hide the worst of the parts he disliked underneath his clothes and forget about it. He could shower in the dark. He could throw away his mirrors. He could avoid feeling much worse about it.

And that kind of worked.  
Until he got Loki back.

(It wasn't like he could lose the weight overnight. He didn't exactly gain it overnight. And time was of the essence once the opportunity presented itself - he'd far rather face Loki like this than risk losing his chance.)

He's prepared himself for mocking. Or concern veiled behind insults, catty comments. He knew his brother was not a kind person at the best of times, but that didn't change how much he missed him.

What he didn't expect was Loki launching himself at Thor and squeezing so tight it hurt.  
What he didn't expect was Loki merely asking what had happened; at first, asking, 'Were you injured? Or-'  
What he didn't expect was Loki squeezing his hand tight when Thor explained.

And he didn't expect Loki crawling into his lap later that night. Kissing his neck, and whispering, 'You're as beautiful as the day we lost each other.' Pulling Thor's shirt off and running his fingers over the curves of his torso, finding old familiar scars and smiling that they're still there.  
He didn't expect to be led to his bedroom and laid out flat, didn't expect his brother to press kisses to the pouch of his belly, didn't expect him to cup his chest and declare all of it 'beautiful'.

And when Thor asked, 'Have you always been into men this size?', he didn't expect Loki's response to be, 'I've always been into you, Thor. Coming back from the dead renders things in some things clearer, and now I'm here I know better than to keep my mouth shut. Luckily for me, you're still just as wonderful like this.'

Thor didn't argue, because he'd vowed never to argue with Loki again if he got him back.  
And he didn't stop Loki from stripping him, and lavishing praise and attention on the rest of his body. Certainly didn't stop him when he wrapped his lips around his cock, or when he shed his own clothes and pressed inside Thor, pushing his legs back like it was nothing. Didn't stop him from praising him as he fucked into him, didn't stop him kissing his neck and whispering, 'I've missed you,' and, 'I love you,' and, 'you're so beautiful'.

Maybe, if this kept happening, he'd start to believe it.


	14. Soulmate Marks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Soulmate marks  
Summary:- Loki's mark is very unusual.

Soulmate marks would change, because people change.  
Who's suitable for you now might not be suitable for you in five years. Ten years. Especially even a hundred years later - if a lot can change in a decade, far more can change in a century.  
And multiple people would have the same, or similar marks - it was less of an exact science, more of a art. Accepting that multiple people can resonate with you.

And there wasn't any shame in having a very common, very simple mark, either for a little while, or for a long time.  
Everyone knew that mark meant it wasn't the right time for a serious relationship. It made hookups easy. You found someone else who wasn't in a good place to commit, and you had fun until your mark morphed and changed.

But Loki hid his mark. An intricate band wrapped around his upper arm, so detailed he could never replicate it on paper like others did, sketching approximations of their current mark on napkins while on dates to compare. It looked like it was branded on his skin, and it never changed, never grew, never shrunk, never shifted shape.  
He'd been hiding it for as long as he could remember. Nobody else his age had gotten one, and it was several years before he heard other kids boast about theirs appearing, simple little things that helped children and teenagers find their tribes in a broad sense.  
He was different from them, and that was terrifying.

As he grew, he'd never strip when he slept with people. He sought out people with the hookup marks, and let them believe he was in the same boat as them. They usually didn't care enough to see it for themselves.

He convinced himself it must be an error, of some kind. Or perhaps it was a sign he wasn't to be with anyone, not really. None of his studies and investigations led him to any other kind of conclusion.

It was simply chance that he found a match.  
One day, walking in to Thor's room, and catching him in the middle of changing.

There it was. The same pattern, swirling around Thor's upper thigh.

Loki stared, and Thor moved quickly to cover himself up, but he knew Loki had seen already.

"It's not- please forget you saw that. I don't know why it's like that," he breathed out, with the same fear written all over his face that Loki felt daily.

So Loki ran. Because what else was he supposed to do?  
He ran, and he locked himself in his room.  
But Thor, Thor had Mjolnir, and Loki had a balcony. Locking him out never worked too well.

Loki didn't hear what Thor was saying, though he could tell he was desperately trying to explain.  
Loki just shrugged his shirt off, wordlessly, and exposed his arm to the light for the first time in - well. It had to have been years.

They didn't need to compare, really, but they did it anyway, Thor shucking his trousers to let Loki see again, to see properly. They traced over each others' marks and they didn't speak a word to one another, let their fingers tell the story written on their skin.  
They just held each other's hands and pulled each other close, and kissed, gentle, tender. They could have sworn they tasted relief on each others' tongues.


	15. Piercing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Piercing; Slightly graphic depiction of the act of piercing skin itself; Needles; Onwership  
Summary:- It's more than just a ring.

It's a token.

Loki's fingers don't shake at all as he presses the needle against the soft cartilage of Thor's ear, and he doesn't let up as Thor hisses in pain, scrunching his eyes shut.  
Slides it back out, slips the ring in the hole, just starting to bead with blood. Wipes it clean and rinses it down.

It's ownership.

A simple gold ring, which would have greater significance if worn elsewhere. Maybe it would be wiser to do the traditional thing; it's a risk on the battlefield, entirely possible that an enemy could yank it, tear it, and the healing from that would be a chore.

But Loki gave him it.  
And Thor would give him the world.

So he wears it, day in, day out. Takes it out only to clean it; sleeps with it in. His body healing around it, accepting that this puncture is part of Thor's make up now. Accepting that Loki has changed a part of him.  
And having something physical, signifying that change on the outside so everyone can see the truth that lives inside of Thor?

It's a comfort.


	16. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Post-traumatic Nightmares; Hurt/comfort  
Summary:- Loki can't sleep after a bad experience. And Thor is more than willing to provide the comfort his brother needs.

Loki daren't show weakness, not to most people.  
Thor wasn't most people.

Even so, it took a fortnight of Loki waking up in cold sweats after being captured by beasts from another world, barely escaping death, before he admitted to Thor that he had a problem.  
("I haven't had more than three uninterrupted hours of sleep since it happened. I'm exhausted.")

And he didn't ask for help, not directly. Thor simply offered a possibility of what might help, after they'd ruled out sleeping draughts and talking to a professional.  
("You could sleep in my bed. If you wake up, you'll know I'm there, and you'll know you're safe.")

He accepted immediately. In hindsight, Thor realised, that was probably what he wanted in the first place.

The first night, he tried to keep his distance. Thor's bed was big, big enough they could have some space between them at first, but it was soft, and unless you were really trying, you'd eventually sink closer to the centre.  
Thor didn't want Loki to spend all his energy on trying to keep distance. He wanted Loki to /sleep/.

He dropped off at first, and Thor followed closely after.  
But, as he'd warned, he woke again in the middle of the night, sweating and crying and panting, and Thor's arms were around him before he was even fully conscious, whispering, "it's okay, I'm here, I'm here. You're safe. I'm here."

Loki still cried, but he calmed, and eventually sunk back into a passable slumber.  
Thor didn't.

He kept holding Loki, afraid to let him go, afraid it would wake him again if he moved. The blood left his arm and he couldn't feel his fingers.  
It was worth it, though, he thought. The moon cast a soft glow across Loki's cheeks, and Thor could still see the tear tracks there.

When he did fall asleep, it was with his nose buried in his brother's hair. And when he woke, it was to an empty bed.

Life continued in that fashion. Each night, Loki falling asleep apart from him, then waking midway through, already pressed against each other, Thor holding him tight and reassuring him. Calming him.  
Thor almost found himself disappointed when nights finally came that they both slept the whole way through. Almost. Mostly, he was glad Loki was feeling better.

Except, when Loki proposed sleeping in his own bed again, to see if he could make it through the night, Thor was definitely disappointed.  
So, naturally, he said, "of course! Are you confident you'll make it through the night?"

"I'd like to try," was Loki's only response, and Thor didn't have it in his heart to grumble about it.

But he barely slept at all that night.  
And, Loki confessed the next morning, neither did he.

Thor knew he shouldn't have been excited about that. But he was.

And when he watched Loki sleep that night, he wondered how it would feel to kiss him.  
So he did.

And Loki was not as asleep as Thor had thought he was.

"...Is that the first time you've done that?" Loki asked quietly, startling Thor.

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. In fact; be sorry for having not acted sooner."

Thor was about to ask for clarification when Loki pressed his lips against Thor's, firm and lucid, and Thor felt that was clarification enough.


	17. Sorting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Hogwarts AU; Gryffindor Thor; Slytherin Loki; non-romantic brotherly bonding (I know, I'm as shocked as you are).  
Summary:- As soon as Loki gets sorted into Slytherin, Thor starts worrying about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's had a hell of a busy week and not been able to post anything! Anyway; I'm catching up now (14/10) with some bits I managed to write in the meantime. Backdating them so I can keep track of how much I've got to catch up on.

Thor snuck away from the crowd of other Third Years, fighting against the tide of excited bodies clamouring to get back to their common rooms.  
He wasn't interested in Gryffindor's start of year celebrations, not this year. He only wanted to see his little brother.

The Sorting Hat had yelled, "SLYTHERIN" just about as soon as it touched his head, and Thor's friends looked to him for explanation, but he didn't care to look at them, not for a second. His eyes were locked on Loki's face, and followed him 'til he took his seat, facing away from Thor.

"You always said your brother was a good kid, Thor, how come he ended up in Slytherin?"

"He is a good kid," Thor growled, and nobody brought it up for the rest of the feast.

(It wasn't like they hadn't discussed the possibility. Loki was mostly invested in mischief, and mayhem, which wouldn't necessarily exclude him from Gryffindor - but his knack for lying and deceiving, for using his cunning to get out of trouble? Well.)  
(Thor reassured him he'd be fine. Told him the Sorting Hat would get it right.)

(Maybe it did.)

When he finally got to the dungeons, Loki was nowhere to be seen, and Thor didn't know the password. He swore, then checked over his shoulder to ensure he hadn't been heard by a teacher, or a prefect.  
He didn't want to embarrass Loki. But he didn't want to leave him alone in the cold, damp, dark dungeons all alone.  
If he sent an owl this late, would Loki even get it before morning?

Before he could work himself up too much, the passageway opened up, and an older Slytherin caught sight of him.  
"Borson. You here to make sure we haven't murdered your baby brother?"

"I trust he could take care of himself, if you were ever taken with the urge to do so. Honestly, I'm more concerned about you. He hasn't tried any hexes on you yet?"

The Slytherin cracked a smile, but it wasn't a kind one. "I'd be more concerned about my cat clawing me than anything your family could throw at me, frankly. Except, perhaps, your fist. Honestly, Borson, you're blessed with a wand and the best magical education you could ask for, and you still elect to fight like a Muggle?"

Thor's smile wasn't kind either, but the malice felt alien on his face, while it clearly sat easily on theirs.  
"Please, by all means, continue to underestimate Loki based on my merits. It will absolutely bite you on the arse, and I cannot wait to watch that."

They rolled their eyes. "Whatever. I was heading out. Do you want me to call your precious ickle baby brother over, or are you just here to brag about him again?"

"Call him out, please." He folded his arms, and straightened his back enough that he almost matched their height. They were clearly not impressed.  
They vanished back into the common room, and returned with Loki in tow shortly after, walking ahead of them right away and giving them some peace.  
Thor smiled down at Loki. "Hey. Wanna go for a walk?"

Loki's nod wasn't quite as self-assured as Thor was used to from him, but it was clearly an attempt, at least.

Thor led him out to the courtyard, which was mercifully quiet. A small group of Ravenclaw girls sat at the other side of it, but they kept their voices down.  
"So," Thor started, rubbing Loki's shoulder. "How is it in there?"

"Kinda cool. I do like snakes, and there's a ton of snake stuff on everything. And I suit green." He shrugged. "Plus we get a pretty nice view of the lake. There's these big glass panels. It's like being in an aquarium."

Thor beamed. "So you like it! Oh, thank Merlin, I was worried."

Loki caught his eye and smiled back, but Thor realised there was still something else behind it.

"...Are the others being nice to you?" he ventured, and that was when Loki's smile faltered.

"Well. I'm sure if I can't make friends, I'll at least be able to get enough blackmail material on some of them to make sure they have to do what I tell them. And that's kind of like friends."

"That's not like friends at all. That's maybe the opposite of friends."

"Maybe in Gryffindor that's not how friends work. But down there it already seems like that's, y'know, probably how friends work."

Thor rested his hand on Loki's neck, sweeping his long hair off to one side.  
"Loki. Please look after yourself down there. I know I've complained about Slytherins in the past, but there are some good ones in there."

"Name three."

"Er."  
Loki stared at Thor, waiting.  
"I know this boy in my year, called Jamie- he's... Well, he's clever, and he's not a complete dick. A bit standoffish, but I've worked with him in Potions, and he's not bad once you get to know him."  
He hummed. Still thinking.  
"And- look, Merlin was a Slytherin! And he was famously powerful!"

"Well, I can't exactly befriend Merlin, can I?"

"...No. No, you can't." Thor sighed heavily. "Look. Loki. You're a good kid, really. I know you are--"

"But I got sorted into Slytherin. So I can't be that good."

Thor cupped Loki's chin, made him look him in the eye.  
"Loki. Your house is important, but it can't make you into something you're not. Maybe if you surround yourself with people who are trying to get you to do stuff you don't agree with, maybe that'll change you. But just /being/ a Slytherin? That doesn't change the fact you're my brother, and I love you, and I believe the best in you. I've been telling everyone who'll listen for two years that you're a good lad. So, are you going to show everyone that I'm right? And defy Slytherin stereotypes? Or are you going to just let what everyone else wants to label you as define you?"

Loki took in a deep breath, and wriggled free of Thor's grip, but he didn't turn away.  
"I'm going to defy it. Maybe. Probably. I'm going to be-- I'm going to be myself, okay? And if my year don't like that, that's fine. And if they do like that, that's great. I'm not going to be bad to impress them. But I'm also not going to be good just to please you. Okay?"

Thor grinned, and gathered Loki into a hug, despite Loki struggling under Thor's tight grip.  
"That's all I need to hear, Loki," he whispered in Loki's ear, and pressed a kiss to his forehead, which Loki made a show of wiping off once he was finally released from Thor's Arm Prison.

"Well, I didn't say it for your benefit."

"That's fine. Like you said; you're doing things for you, and if they please people, that's great. So you pleased me by being yourself. So it's great."

Loki grumbled and rolled his eyes, but he wasn't as successful in hiding his smile as he clearly thought he had been.

"You better get back to the common room, okay, Lo?" Thor asked, and squeezed his shoulder. "Remember, if you need anything, I've told you where the Gryffindor common room is. Just knock real loud. The Fat Lady will chew you out for it, but I'll be listening until, like, 11 at night, and I'll come and let you in. Any later than that and it'll have to wait 'til morning. Okay?"

"Okay," Loki nodded.

Thor watched him scurry away, and smiled fondly.  
They weren't in the same house, no. And that wasn't what Thor had dreamed of.  
But they were always different growing up. And it had probably been foolish to expect they'd be together in the tower.

But they were in the castle together, finally.  
Thor was looking forward to the next five years.


	18. I Never Told You What I Do For A Living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Camboy Loki; Pining  
Summary:- Thor discovers why Loki always has money despite never speaking of a job. And Thor's more into it than he should be.

Loki always had money, and Thor didn't know how. He didn't work that much, as far as he was aware.  
Maybe he had an online business Thor didn't know about, he reasoned. It wasn't like they lived together any more. They saw each other in person every few weeks, when they went to visit their mother together, and occasionally in between when they got coffee over lunch.

(Thor begrudged this situation. He wished they were closer. He wished it was like when they were younger.)  
(He missed his little brother. But they were grown, now, and he supposed family was like that sometimes.)

But Loki wasn't on his mind when he was browsing idly through some seedy corners of the internet. In fact, he had dedicated a lot of time and energy to _not_ thinking about Loki during these particular sessions, and he'd done a fantastic job of retraining himself to think of only the people on the screen in front of him.  
(It wasn't a problem. It was a solution. It was a problem when he let himself fantasise, because that way, his mind always wandered into dark alleyways he wished it would steer clear of.)

And yet, there Loki was.  
Right in front of him. One of the most popular videos.  
'Femboy solo toy riding'.

He clicked it before his brain had time to catch up and remind him that this was a terrible idea. That this was going to undo years of work. That this was going to open a can of worms that had been sealed so tight for a reason, god damnit.

But it was definitely Loki, and that fact was slowing his logic down enough for him to move on autopilot, hand already moving on his cock as he watched his brother sink down onto the length of a lilac dildo, wearing a black bra, striped thigh highs and a mini skirt that was bunched up enough to expose his dripping cock.  
The angle was enough to let Thor imagine it was his own cock being used instead, and he didn't even get to the part where Loki came before he spent himself, hot come dripping down his fingers as a hot surge of shame crawled up his back.

He closed the tab the second he came to his senses.  
This was bad. This was not good.  
He should have went and found another site immediately and not even thought about it and mindlessly finished watching some blonde chubby girl, or a girl of any other race, or an older hairy guy, or even some weird furry porn.  
_Anything_ but exactly what he'd just done.

He washed himself off under a shower so hot his skin was bright pink afterward and tried to remember all the times tables and dates of boring battles he'd learned about in history class.

And the next night, he went back and found the same video again. Found Loki's profile. Found the other sites he worked on.

The jealous beast that curled up in his stomach was quietly pleased to see all his videos were solo.  
It was less pleased to see he was on a cam site, and taking requests from strangers. Mostly, he sat there, playing with himself off-camera - sometimes, the screen would go blank for a little while, and when he came back, his cheeks would be a little more flushed, and he'd be sitting a different way.  
He loathed every single time that happened. And he saw it happen a lot, quietly sitting in the chat, saying nothing but observing.

One night, Loki spoke to him when it was quiet.  
Not _him_, not really - he said, "Hey, foudre90, you've been around a lot this week but I've never seen you say anything. Do you want a show?"

Thor froze, and took a minute to think before typing back, "I'm not really sure."

"I mean, you've been here for like, a week. You're enjoying what you're seeing. You might as well support me, y'know? Go on- I'll give you a discount, if that helps."

And guilt tugged at him.  
Right.  
This was Loki's job. This was his _real_ job.  
And he was just taking all the freebies he could get.

That wasn't fair. The least he could do would be to pay him for his time.

He took the offer, in exchange for 15 minutes of Loki's time. He was taken to another, private chat, and Loki spoke directly to him.  
"So, first up, do you want me to call you foudre? Or do you have another name that's better?"

Thor licked his lips, wondering if this was too much. But Loki didn't know, right? And he had paid, so... Maybe he'd go for it.  
"Is it too weird if I ask you to call me 'brother'?"

"Weird is fine. I'll call you brother all you like. Are you my big brother?"

At least it wasn't a lie to type back, "Yes."

"Oh, that's filthy. Watching your little brother get himself off on cam. That's what you want, right? Or is there something more specific?"

"I want to see you finger yourself. Tell me how much you want me. Tell me you're getting ready for me to come over and fuck you."

Loki smiled, and did as he was told. Kept calling Thor 'big brother', kept calling him filthy, kept begging him to come and fill him up.

And Thor typed back, frantic, "I'm gonna bend you over your desk and breed you. I'm gonna fuck you so hard you see stars."

Loki let it run long. Let Thor enjoy seeing him stretched wide, let him hear his moans as he edged himself.  
And Thor came harder than he ever had before in his life.

When he could type again, he just wrote, "Thank you. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Loki laughed. "That was fun. You can be my brother again any time you like, okay?"

Thor just responded by tipping him double what he'd initially paid and logging off.

The next time he saw Loki was when he picked him up for their routine drive to Frigga's house.  
Loki behaved normally. Thor did not.  
It didn't go unnoticed.

"You're so quiet, Thor, what's wrong? Are you being emo about something?"

"Please don't push it, Loki."

"I'm not trying to push anything. You're quiet, and it's the done thing to ask what's wrong with someone when they're acting weird, right?"

Thor sighed and tightened his grip on the steering wheel.  
"I can't really talk about it with you."

"I'm your brother, Thor. You can talk to me about whatever."

Thor hummed in response, and ignored Loki's needling for the rest of the journey. Spent the whole visit talking to Frigga, and only ever talking to Loki's hairline when he had to acknowledge him.

Frigga didn't say anything, of course. But Loki exploded at Thor on the return journey.

"If I've done something, can you fucking tell me what it is?"

Thor took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly.  
"You've done nothing wrong."

"Then why can't you look at me? You're acting like you're mad at me, but you're saying you're not."

"Loki."  
It was a warning, but it went unheeded. And after a solid fifteen minutes of argument, Thor snapped, and just said, "Foudre."

The silence that fell was thick, punctuated only by their heavy breaths and the rumble of the car's engine.

"You paid me money," Loki began, slowly, "to call you brother."

Thor chewed a painful strip of skin off his lip.  
"I did."

"Did you come?"

"I did."

"Right."

They drove for miles without another word, the tension hanging between them crackling like ungrounded electricity.

When Loki next spoke, it was so quiet that Thor only just heard what was said.  
"I enjoyed it."

Matching his volume, Thor admitted, "I did too."

"I'm furious you didn't let on it was you."

"Technically, I did."

Loki hummed a little. "Technically, you did."

"So what do we do now?"

"Well. I can't exactly stop you making different accounts and asking for stuff. I can't ban you from viewing my videos, either, which I assume you've already done."

"I have. I can stop if it makes you uncomfortable, though."

Loki fidgeted as he thought about it.  
"I think I'm less uncomfortable with it than I should be."

Thor nodded. Said nothing.

"I'm not going to give you freebies because I'm your brother."

"I didn't expect them. Though- I mean. I work a decent paying job. If you wanted to stop, I could cover your bills and stuff. You don't have to do this kind of-"

"I like doing this kind of thing. I like making videos. I like doing camwork, like, 80% of the time. I like it a lot."

"Okay. As long as you're safe."

"I work solo. Safety isn't a thing I have to worry about nearly as much as other models."

Thor nodded again, then opened his mouth, before quickly clicking it shut.  
Loki noticed.

"Say what you were going to say," he demanded. No room for argument.

"I was just wondering- um. If you needed someone- like. Okay. No. Never mind."

"You were wondering if you could fuck me for videos?"

"Well. Yes."

"And run the risk of someone figuring out who you are? Your job is not compatible with sex work, Thor, and it certainly isn't compatible with being caught making sex tapes with your brother."

"No, but you do POV things, so I thought- if you wanted, you could- my face wouldn't have to be in it, y'know?"

Loki stared at him, and Thor kept his eyes firmly on the road.  
"Do you want to fuck me, or do you want to control what I do?"

"I want to fuck you. And, to be clear, it's not because I've seen you now. I wanted to fuck you long before I first saw any of your videos."

"In that case, you can fuck me without it being on film."

Thor took his eyes off the road then, to see Loki's face. To be certain this wasn't a trick.  
"You're serious?"

"I wanted to fuck you too. Did you really not pick up on that with how readily I accepted the fantasy of calling a stranger 'big brother'? I know I'm a good actor, but c'mon, really?"

Thor pulled the car over suddenly, tires screeching to a halt, and the horn of the car behind them blasting as it passed them by.  
He was on Loki in seconds, pressing kisses to his face, whispering, "I love you," and "I want you," and "I need you."

"You're not so desperate we can't get home and do this," Loki warned him, pushing him back with just enough force that Thor understood it wasn't out of rejection, but as a request to slow down.

Thor stopped kissing Loki, but he didn't slow down. He put his foot on the gas pedal and sped back home, 90 on 50 roads.  
And once inside, he finally got to taste his brother's mouth; got to taste his skin, and his cock; got to feel everything he'd been imagining only to find it felt better than he'd ever thought it would.


	19. Barista AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Coffee shop AU; annoying Loki; ridiculous situations; asking out  
Summary:- Loki makes himself a nuisance at Thor's work.

Technically, Thor couldn't get mad at Loki for following him to work.  
(Mostly when he had to start a sentence with 'technically', it meant, 'he absolutely can and should be mad at Loki, but Loki will never admit that in a thousand years'.)

For a start, it was a nice café. The coffee was good. The cakes and pastries were delicious. The WiFi was free. The decor and atmosphere was relaxing.  
And it was a public space. Just because his brother was a barista there didn't mean it should be off-limits for him.

(Thor strongly disagreed. Well- no. He agreed Loki could come. But not as often as he did. Not basically every day. Not just when Thor was on shift.)  
(But Loki worked freelance, and if he was stuck at home all day, he'd never get _anything_ done, Thor. Can't you be sensitive? It's not like I'm disrupting you, I'm just waiting and telling your coworkers little things you do so they get to know you better. It's not my fault they used the information that you're scared of spiders to prank you.)

Of course, Thor's objections magnified when his coworkers started to make some assumptions. Like once, when it was super busy, the new girl said, 'I just served your boyfriend!' and Thor didn't have the time to correct her once he realised who she meant.  
Then the girl Loki knew best, the one that planted the fake spider on Thor? She overheard this, and accepted it as truth, and Thor just never had a free moment to explain, without customers there, "actually, that's my brother".

And when the new girl snuck him a free slice of cake, whispering, "I know he's probably not supposed to give you freebies when you're dating, but I think it kinda sucks that he can't," Loki had to do everything in his power to keep a straight face, and to thank her graciously.

So when it quietened down and Thor came over to clear the table and scold Loki for telling them lies, Loki cut him off by giving him a showy kiss on the cheek, and saying, louder than necessary, "Thank you, babe, I appreciate it so much."  
Then he left, of course.

And after that, Thor was too awkward about it to explain.  
Thus, the charade had to be kept up.

After one of the merciful few shifts Thor spent without Loki there (because Loki had a meeting with a client who insisted on a restaurant far more expensive than Thor's little café), Loki received a call on his commute home.  
"You're a dead man. I will kill you in your sleep."

"Good evening, Thor. Rough shift?"

"It was quiet and every single coworker kept asking for details about how we met, when our anniversary is, how long we've been dating, and what kind of dates I'm planning on taking you. I managed to get them to _stop_ after I lied and said 'I don't really like talking to other people about relationships I'm in' but that's made it _worse_ because I overheard them saying they're gonna just ask you next time you come in. Stop coming to my fucking café. Stop telling the other staff we're dating. If you don't, I'm going to start telling them the truth, and then it'll be even weirder for both of us."

"Okay," Loki began slowly, "I hear what you're saying. But please understand; I am not in any way uncomfortable with your coworkers thinking we're doing both. In fact, that would possibly be even funnier."

"It would NOT be funnier, Loki," Thor snapped, and Loki had to suppress a giggle as he heard someone behind Thor say 'whoah, dude'.

"Okay. How about you come over to my place this evening and we can talk about this properly, because you're clearly stressed out by this."

"Stressed isn't the word! Angry is! I'm furious!"

"Then come over. I'll buy us a bottle of wine and make us dinner. Okay?"

Thor went silent for a few moments before hissing, "_Fine_. Make it a good red, though."

"Only the best for my darling brother," Loki purred, hanging up before Thor could snarl at him any further.

When Thor arrived, Loki was already working on dinner, and Thor's mood wasn't much better than it had been on the bus.

"So, I never got to actually say sorry," Loki began as Thor untied his apron.

"No. Would you mean it if you did say it?"

"Hm. Maybe a little bit. Not as sorry as you'd like me to be."

"Thought not," Thor tutted, and sat on one of Loki's barstools. "What are you making? Is it poisoned?"

"Pasta. Would you like it to be?"

"Maybe. Might be better than going back to face my coworkers."

Loki poured Thor a glass of wine, slid it across the counter to him.  
"So, the way I see it, we have a few options."

"'We'."

"Well, yes. The first option is that we continue the charade and see it not as a joke at _your_ expense, but at _their_ expense. Really ramp it up and see how long before they catch on that we're not actually dating."

"Terrible idea," Thor announced after taking a long swig from his glass.

"Thought you might say that. So the next option is boring, and will still cause you embarrassment, but it'll set the record straight. I go in. I talk to your coworkers. I apologise for letting them believe we were dating, and for fueling that fire. I say that you were too uncomfortable to speak up, which let the lie continue. No more free cake for me. But your coworkers now know you're a coward when it comes to talking about this kind of thing."

"I feel like you want me to reject that option as well, but that's it. That's the right option."

"However, there are another two options."

"I don't want to hear them," Thor deadpanned. "That option you just said - that's the right option. We do that one."

"Option three," Loki continued, ignoring Thor entirely, "is that we continue to 'date' for a little while."  
He plated the pasta, and sat down to eat opposite Thor.  
"Then at some point, I stop coming to the café, and you start telling your coworkers we've had an argument. Then, after a few days, you announce that we've split. It was on good terms, so we might still hang out from time to time, but we weren't really a good fit romantically."

Thor nodded along as Loki spoke, rolling his pasta around his fork and taking a bite.  
Once he finished chewing, he bluntly announced, "That's a fucking terrible idea."

"But it would save you from having to admit you were too nervous to correct their assumptions."

"True. We're not doing it."

"Alright, then hear out my fourth option," Loki proposed, holding his glass of wine slightly aloft, as if he were about to make an impressive speech.  
If Thor noticed Loki's hand shaking at all, he didn't say anything.  
"Option four. Is that we start telling the truth."

"How is that different from option two?"

"Well, we don't change what we're saying. But we change what we're doing."

Thor furrowed his brow, side glancing at his glass of wine as if to check whether it was, in fact, wine, and not something far stronger.  
"You're going to have to clarify, because it kind of sounds like we make what you're saying to be the truth."

"Yes."

Thor stared at Loki, who suddenly became absolutely preoccupied with winding his pasta, still spinning it in circles after he had a perfect amount on his fork.

"...Are you asking me to- are you asking us to date?"

"So, I guess you want to go with option two, then."

"No, Loki, we're not sweeping that under the rug. Did you really just ask me out?"

Finally, and with much apparent effort, Loki looked up at Thor.  
"Is the thought quite so repulsive?"

"I- Loki. Please be serious. Please don't play games and tricks on me, right now. Are you actually-"

"Yes! I said yes! I'm asking you if you want to! If your answer's no, just say no, for fuck's sake."

Thor stared at him in silence for a long few moments until he found his voice.  
"We're brothers, Loki," was all he could breathe out.

"Yes, I am quite aware. I didn't forget that part."

"Brothers don't generally-"

"No, I'm also quite aware of that. But I'm still asking. And if the answer is no, we forget about this entirely, enact plan two, and go on with our lives. Okay?"

Thor heaved out a breath, and pressed his fingers against his eyelids.  
"Okay. What- what would you- um. Look, we can't really keep telling my coworkers about this in case they find out, anyway. Like if we did actually start dating, we'd still need to do the other thing so they don't find out then start telling everyone 'wait they said they were dating' and then- that would just be too risky, okay?"

"...That's not a no."

"It's not a no. Despite my better judgement, no, it's not a no."  
Then he sighed out heavily again, opened his eyes to look down at his plate.  
"Why the fuck did you make us pasta when you knew you were gonna ask this? You know I don't like pasta. I'm eating this because I'm starving, not because I like it."

"That's why." Loki smiled as Thor looked up at him. "If I made you something you liked and this conversation went horribly wrong, you'd have associated the bad conversation with a good food."

Thor gawked at him.  
"That's actually... weirdly considerate. What the fuck, Loki?"

"I can be not the worst sometimes."

Thor stood up and rounded the kitchen island to wrap his arms around Loki's waist.  
"You're not the worst a lot of the time, Loki," he whispered in his ear, and squeezed. "I'm sorry I got mad at you over this. It's just. It's been- it's been weird, trying to lie to people I like."

"Well, you're going to have to keep lying to them if we tell them we're not dating but we start."

"I suppose so. I think I'd rather do that kind of lying than the other kind, though."

Loki ran his fingers up and down Thor's arm. "Is that a yes, then?"

"That's a, 'I'll have to think about this a bit more', but it's still not a no. Is that okay? Can you handle waiting on an answer for another little while?"

"Honestly, no. But if I have to, I will."

Thor squeezed again, and pressed a small kiss to Loki's shoulder. Then he returned to his seat.  
As he continued eating, Loki asked, "do you want me to make you something else quickly? Or do you want to help yourself? You don't have to force yourself to finish something you don't like. I've got rice in the cupboard."

"Nah," Thor laughed. "I can tolerate it enough."


	20. New Forum Thread in: Lokistans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Format: Forum Post; Model Loki; Photographer Thor; OCs; other Marvel characters mentioned  
Summary:- So like, do you guys think Thor and Loki are secretly like, a couple? Maybe they're not even like actually brothers? I swear I'm NOT a conspiracy nut, just listen, okay??

post in: lokistans  
subject: okay hear me out though

body:  
so, like, don't tear me to shreds over this please, I know it's a bit... out there at first, but I PROMISE if you keep reading and hear me out, this actually makes sense.

we know the following:  
Loki's modelling career started because Thor was super good at taking photos of him, right? and Thor's photography career started because Loki was such a good model?  
and I'm not trying to start any drama but like lets' be real with ourselves here; ALL of Loki's best photos are taken by Thor, bar like, probably the autumn line for XY last year 'cause those were gorge as fuck. I'm not trying to say the other photographers are bad because lbr we know fine well the other photographers he's worked with are SUPER god damn talented. did you see Peter's photoshoot with Amora? she is STUNNING and he is such a rising star. but his Loki shoot is like, nowhere near that good and when you look at the photos side by side it's like, is this even the same photographer?

we also know Loki is...... notoriously difficult to work with. no shade! it's like, totally fair, I mean, if I was hungry and under hot lights for hours at a time I'd be fuckin miserable too, I'd bite someone's head off. I'd throw a fit if nobody brought me water.  
but we also have seen BTS footage of Loki and Thor working together and it's like, so wild how different he is with Thor? like he'll do whatever Thor asks him to and not complain. WHERE is our diva. and Thor apparently isn't easy to model for! remember when Janet posted a blog about how hard he pushed her? like it was clearly worth it because she looked INCREDIBLE but I would not have coped with that. and clearly he goes as hard with Loki as he does with his other models.

plus also; we know Loki isn't straight. he's open about that, and he does so much like ambiguous fashion and he's hinted he's probably like not even all man even if he's not outright come out on that front. so we KNOW that about him.  
but what do we know about Thor? or rather what DON'T we know about Thor? never has he posted a photo of himself with a girl that isn't one of his models (and we all remember when he scared off that interviewer that implied he was sleeping with his clients lmaoooo that was equally sexy and scary tbh), and there was that photo floating about that might have been him at a gay bar with a group of guys. I know that last one isn't confirmed but like, it got me thinking. do we actually know he's straight? or...

but yeah. anyway. I guess I'm just trying to point out like - it's so different between them. like Loki OOZES sexiness when Thor's taking the photos. even casual insta pics by him feel like I'm intruding on something I really shouldn't be seeing IYKWIM. and I'm just wondering like... is everything actually what they say it is? or are things like... maybe a cover up for the truth? bc obviously Loki says he's gay but have we ever even seen him dating anyone? like I'm pretty sure someone would have spoken up about hooking up with him too if that was happening, people are so quick to gossip about who they've slept with if they think they can make a quick buck off it ugh.  
I guess I'm just wondering if maybe what they've been saying is a cover up? I mean think about it like, they don't actually look that much alike either. you'd think they'd look more like each other right? but Thor is SO big and buff and Loki is built like a twig. and we know Loki's naturally dark haired at least bc he kept his pit hair for a few shoots (and I'm not trying to start up THAT drama again ok please don't lock this just bc I mentioned it), and we know Thor's fairer than him bc remember the chest hair pics we got when he wore that V-neck to fashion week? (sidenote but ugh I'm so mad he started shaving it again, he's so cute with a little bit of fuzz. ANYWAY.)

idk I could be totally wrong but I just feel like there's a cover up somewhere. you know when you feel it in your bones and you're like 'I can't prove this but I know something else is happening that I don't know about for certain yet'? it's like that.

reply (anon 1):  
.... Wait are you trying to say you think they're fucking? Or dating or something?

reply (OP):  
I'm not 100% certain like it definitely has ran through my mind as a possibility? but also like I have NO proof of this whatsoever so

reply (anon 2):  
lol wtf is this

reply (anon 1):  
Oh my god.

reply (anon 3):  
hahaha this is the wildest post I've seen on here since the 'Loki is secretly trans' threads, though I see you ascribe to that too so I shouldn't be totally surprised.

reply (OP):  
@ anon 3- I'm not saying he's secretly trans, I'm saying he's probably like nonbinary or like, at least into drag. I mean we know that since he's done women's fashion too, but he did say once, quote, "I don't think I'm a girl, I'm not trying to be. But I like not trying to be a boy either; blurring the lines, being both and neither at the same time. It's almost intoxicating to see how angry people get when they're confused. I want to be so beautiful that everyone's attracted to me, regardless of their standard orientation, and frankly, I feel like I'm achieving that."

reply (anon 3):  
@ OP- That doesn't mean he's trans - he still calls himself he and a boy, and he's not said anything about taking hormones or having surgery.

reply (OP):  
@ anon 3- people don't have to medically transition to be trans you dense motherfucker

reply (mod K):  
Hey guys! You should all know by now that arguing about Loki's gender is banned, as it causes too many vicious arguments. I've put both of you on a cooldown timer, so you can reply again in 6 hours, but if either of you bring it up again after that, you'll receive an IP ban.  
Also, OP, I understand you're not trying to start any fights, but what you're insinuating is... a lot. I won't give you a warning for posting it, but please think about what you're saying, okay?

reply (anon 4):  
lol good luck K I'm behind 7 proxies

reply (mod K):  
and luckily for me, I'm willing to ban any and all of them if you circumvent them again.

Loki stopped scrolling and leaned back in his desk chair, smirking and cracking his back.  
After a few moments of consideration, he typed into the reply box.

reply (anon 5):  
lol you're fucking crazy. you know they're brothers, right OP?? that's actually so sick. kinda kinky though. bet you have the best orgasms you nasty bitch.

He closed the browser, and rose from his chair, walking over to Thor who was reclined on the couch, scrolling on his phone.  
Loki disregarded that, plucking the offending device from his brother's hands, and crawled into his lap.

"Can I help you?" Thor asked with a small smile, hand already resting on Loki's hip.

"There's someone online who thinks we're fucking each other, and we're not really brothers. Can you believe that?"

"That's so messed up. Of course we're brothers."

Loki laughed and leaned in to kiss him, grinding his hips down against Thor's, feeling his cock start to thicken through his sweats.


	21. Confined Spaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Accidental stimulation; frot; confined spaces; semi-public sex  
Summary:- Loki causes a commotion, and the brothers have to hide.

They had to hide in an alcove because Loki had set fire to a guard's socks and caused a commotion. Thor probably could have gotten away with it, as he hadn't actually done anything to the poor guard, but he had burst out laughing as soon as he realised it was Loki's doing, so he was in just as much trouble now.

But realistically, there was only enough space in here for one average sized person, and Thor was not average sized.  
Loki was pinned, and when he tried to move, it just made things worse.

"...Are you-" Thor began to ask, and Loki shushed him, cheeks hot with embarrassment.

"It's the adrenaline," he whispered defensively, but that didn't make it any less of a problem. His cock pressed insistently against Thor's thigh, and if they moved, they would definitely be found.  
Thor chewed at his lip, and rested a hand on Loki's hip, moving him just slightly to the side - just enough for Loki's erection to catch against Thor's own, hot even through their breeches.  
"Oh," he breathed out, and gently bucked up against his brother.

It probably wouldn't have been enough for Loki in any other circumstances - they had to move slowly enough to not make noise, and the painstaking drag against each other would have barely registered as erotic if they had privacy.  
But they didn't. They had a dark but exposed recess in the wall, and if anyone stopped long enough with a light source in their hand, they'd notice. They'd see exactly what the two of them were doing.  
And that was the other thing; if they were caught, they wouldn't only be in trouble for touching each other in public, but for touching their _brother_ in public.

And that thought was what tipped Loki over the edge, humiliatingly fast, come soaking the front of his clothes.  
He pulled away as much as he could, taking the now uncomfortable pressure away by sliding to the side and reaching a hand down to rub Thor's cock.  
Apparently Thor was in a similar mindset, as it barely took him another minute to break, having to muffle his voice in Loki's shoulder as come spilled onto Loki's fingers.

They didn't say a word - just stood there, leaning against each other, getting their breath back before Loki cleaned them up with a silent spell.  
And they didn't say a word as they left, sneaking back to their individual quarters.  
And they didn't say a word the next day, as they caught eyes over breakfast, and each bowed their head to hide the redness in their cheeks.  
And they didn't say a word as they were called into the throne room, and given a lecture on treatment of palace staff.


	22. Kitten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Intersex Loki; Kittenplay; Under-negotiated kink; Human AU; Creampie; Slightly awkward first-time; In Which The Author Is Incredibly Self Indulgent  
Summary:- Thor finds Loki's e-boy Instagram and makes a proposal.

Thor acted fast, because he knew if he didn't, he would lose his nerve. And he was not a cowardly man. Usually.

Creeping into Loki's bedroom, he found him on his computer, headphones on. Wireless, thankfully.  
With quick and deft movements, Thor clipped a collar around Loki's neck, then pulled on the leash attached as Loki whirled around in his chair to look up at his brother, fire in his eyes.

The headphones were whipped off as he began to ask, "What the fuck are you-"

"You have a kink Instagram. A Kinkstagram."

Loki stopped midsentence, mouth still open. He breathed out, clearly composing himself.  
"That is none of your business."

Thor smiled, feigning confidence he didn't quite have.  
"Except, from what I can gather, you're a kitten without a master, and you're calling any older man that'll have you oni--"

"Stop," Loki held a hand up, face flushed. "That's just for- for e-boy points. That doesn't mean- I don't- it's not about you."

Thor affected a smirk, getting cockier by the minute.  
"You don't sound confident about that, Loki. And even if it's for 'points', that doesn't mean I'm okay with you trying to fuck whatever man shows interest." He pointedly tugged on Loki's leash. "Really, Loki. If you honestly aren't interested, I'll unbuckle that collar and walk out and we will _never_ talk about this again. I won't attempt anything, and if you make any advances on me, I will push you away and end it before it begins. I still won't be happy about you trying to get other men to fuck you, and I'll be jealous, and I'll intervene if I see anyone that looks like bad news- but I won't ever try fuck you again. Do you understand?"

Loki opened his mouth, closed it again. The seconds dragged on in silence, before he broke it with a simple question.  
"You'd really reject me, even if I threw myself at you?"

"If you say no now, then yes."

More silence passed, and Loki bowed his head.  
"Okay. Look. I- I'm-- You don't get to boss me around. I don't like mean or rude doms. That's my job. I want- I want to be-"

"You want cherished. You want spoiled. You want pampered."  
When Loki looked at him, eyebrows raised, Thor clarified.  
"I didn't just see a few of your posts before deciding to do this. I went through everything. Every comment I could find, every last highlighted story." Leaning in, he whispered in Loki's ear. "I've been looking for an excuse for a while, Loki."

With a single nod, Loki stood.  
"Follow me. If we're doing this, we're doing this right."

And Thor, despite still having the leash in his hand, found himself following, giving a bit of extra length on the leash for Loki to dip down next to his bed and pull out a small box.  
It made sense when Thor saw what was inside it.

"Okay, first off, I appreciate you seem to have bought a collar and leash specifically for this, but it's already uncomfortable and I do -not- do brown leather," he rolled his eyes, nodding towards the handle in Thor's hand.

"Oh."

"So clearly you picked up some of the most salient points apart from style choices when stalking me, which, y'know, we'll have a talk about later, but for now-"  
He unclipped the collar Thor had put on him, and handed over a cuter one, emerald green with black faux-fur strip inside, and a matching leash.  
"Put this on me."

Thor obliged, throwing the one he'd bought aside on the floor, hooking a finger inside the collar after to test for tightness.

"Good," Loki purred, a smile creeping across his face. "Ears next."  
He picked up a black pair, and handed them to Thor.  
"Clip them into my hair, with the pink bits facing to the outside. Here and here," he pointed, holding his fingers in place as Thor wriggled the leash onto his wrist and did as he was told.  
He did not feel quite like the dom in this situation. He realised, in retrospect, he should have expected this much from Loki.  
But once they were secure, Loki leaned back on the bed, propping himself up on his elbows.

"...You're sure about this?" Thor asked. "I know I've sprung this on you, but if you want to negotiate anything first, or-"

"If you don't fuck me right now I'm going to scream so loud everyone on the street can hear. We can talk about how bad an idea it is later, okay? Let's make mistakes first and fix them later."

"If this really is a mistake, I'm not sure it's fixable, Loki."

He fell silent for a moment, then spread his legs apart just a little.  
"Okay. Then we don't fix them - we just figure out how to best hide them. Now quit fussing and fuck me."

Thor closed his eyes and counted to 4 to try and calm himself before he heard a wet sound, and opened them to see Loki's hand under the waistband of his leggings, clearly slipping his fingers inside him.  
And whatever it was that had Thor stalling shattered, and he dragged those leggings down Loki's thighs, exposing him. His cock was already half hard, and his cunt was wet, stretching around his fingers.  
"You look so fucking good, kitten," Thor breathed out, falling to his knees, and dragging Loki to the edge of the bed. "Will you let me have a taste?"

"Yes, master," Loki purred, pulling his fingers free, and Thor grabbed his wrist, took his fingers in his mouth to clean them.  
Once he was satisfied, he moved on to licking Loki's cunt, lapping up the wetness that had already accumulated there, bringing it up to his clit, and to his cock.

Loki's voice cracked in a moan above Thor, and he quickly covered his mouth with his hand.  
(Just because they were adults didn't mean they could do whatever they wanted when they still lived at home. Frigga wouldn't say anything if she heard things, but she wasn't the only other resident of the house.)  
(It didn't deter Thor. If anything, the thrill of having to keep quiet made his cock fill in his underwear even faster than seeing Loki spread out before him, finally.)

Once he was satisfied that Loki was prepared, he rose, and pulled on the lead.  
"Your turn, Lo. I need you to suck me. Get me ready."

Loki scrambled to his knees, and unzipped Thor's pants, freed him and took his cock in his mouth in one quick, fluid motion.  
Thor buried his fingers in Loki's hair and tried to keep himself from coming right then and there. He wanted to enjoy this. He wanted to impress Loki. He wanted to ensure it kept happening.  
And coming the second his brother laid his lips on his cock was not conducive to any of those things.

So, he whispered, "good boy, you're so good. You're made for this, aren't you? Made to suck your master's cock."

Loki whimpered a little, and took Thor in further, clearly trying to push himself bit by bit. Thor wondered if he'd practised suppressing his gag reflex. Probably, considering some of the pictures he'd seen.

But when Loki got all the way down to the base and looked directly up at Thor, holding eye contact as he bobbed his head a little, Thor had to pull back.  
"I don't plan to come down your throat tonight," Thor explained as Loki looked vaguely hurt after this decision.

"And where are you gonna come, sir?" Loki asked, fluttering his eyelashes up at Thor as if he didn't still have a string of spit hanging from his mouth.

"I'm gonna come in your cunt, you pretty thing," Thor promised, pushing Loki's hair back and wiping his chin clean. Then, he paused mid-movement. "Is that safe? Or should I grab a condom?"

"I'm on birth control," Loki responded before Thor could even make a move to leave.

"Reliable birth control?"

"I would not fuck around with birth control. I do not want to get pregnant."

"You wrote 'breed me' on your tits for an Insta photo."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Just because I like the _idea_ of getting bred and knocked up doesn't mean I actually want kids. Like, maybe ever. Is that a deal breaker? Are you gonna walk out on me because I especially don't want inbred kids with you?"

Thor grabbed Loki's chin and tilted it up so he couldn't look away.  
"I'm not walking out. Do you want me to threaten to breed you through this?"

Thor felt Loki gasp before he replied, "Yes, please. Do you want me to call you big brother? Or onii-chan? Or just master?"

"Any of the above. Anything you want to call me. You're still sure you want to go ahead with this?"

Loki nodded as best he could in Thor's grip, so Thor released him, and pushed him back against the bed, spreading his legs apart.

"Fill me up, master. I want to feel your cock break me," Loki breathed out, and just like that, they were both in character again. So easy. So seamless.

"Anything you want, kitten," Thor growled, and rubbed his cock against Loki's, promising everything, but teasing, taking his sweet time. "You look so good all spread out for me like this. You sure you're ready to take me?"

"_Yes_," Loki begged, and Thor didn't think that part was an act, though he couldn't quite be sure. "Put it inside me, big brother. I want your cum in my stomach. Use me."

Thor's breath caught in his chest, and he lined his cock up with Loki's cunt, watching as the head of his cock slipped in between his lips. He watched as it disappeared inside, inch by inch, holding his breath because he was afraid not to in case he sobbed with how good it felt.  
When he was finally inside, he held still a moment to look up at Loki and ask, "Alright?"

"Yes, big brother," Loki whispered. "More than alright."

"You feel fucking wonderful, Loki," he blurted out. "You look beautiful, too."  
Loki actually blushed a bit, and averted his gaze. Naturally, Thor leaned in, pressed his nose against Loki's neck above the collar, and nuzzled it, whispering, "You do. You're so gorgeous. And you're all mine now, aren't you, kitten?"

"As long as you treat me right, onii-chan, I'll be yours."

Thor stilled.  
"Actually, can we nix saying 'onii-chan'? I thought I'd be into it but-"

"It's kinda awkward, right?"

"It's super awkward."

They both laughed, and Thor wondered why using some fractured Japanese felt weird when being buried to the hilt inside his brother really _didn't_, but honestly, his brain wasn't equipped for analytical investigation at the time.

Thor chose that moment to move, and it mercifully stopped them from having to think about the conversation they'd just had.  
"Fuck, kitten, you feel so good," Thor repeated, because he couldn't personally believe it.

"So do you, master. I'm all yours to use."

Thor muffled another growl by burying his mouth against Loki's shoulder, fucking him as hard as he could without the bedframe creaking. He reached between them, and wrapped his fingers around Loki's cock, tugging on it to the same beat as his thrusts.  
"I'm gonna make you come, babe. I'm gonna make you feel so good. You're gonna be a good boy, right? You're gonna come for me?"

"Yes, sir. But only if you promise to fill me, okay? I want you to use me as your breeding bitch. I want you to do your best to knock me up. Let me fill my purpose, master."

Thor scrunched his eyes shut, and whispered, "do you _want_ me to come already?"

"Are you close, master?"

"I will be if you keep begging me like that."

"Then do it. Fill me. If you come before me though, you've got to swear you'll do your duty and make me come, okay? You've got to look after your kitten?"

Thor rose up enough to look Loki in the eye, and just seeing the sultry expression on his brother's face broke him on his next thrust. He collapsed back onto Loki's frame and took in long shuddering breaths as wave after wave of orgasm hit him.  
When he finished shaking, Loki purred out, "Thank you, master. It feels so good being full of you. Be careful and keep it all inside so I don't lose any of it, okay?"

Thor hooked a finger under Loki's collar, and leaned back, on shaking knees, leaving his softening cock inside him as he jerked Loki off slowly, leisurely.  
"Oh, you look such a mess, kit. I'm gonna make you more of a mess, though, I swear."  
He worked into a fine rhythm, trying to keep his composure as Loki got closer and closer.  
"You know how good you'd look with a swollen belly? Not sure if I'd prefer it from having you take so many loads of my come, or from finally knocking you up. I suppose one could lead to the other. I'd make sure to pamper you. Pet my cute little kitten behind the ears and tell him how good he is. Would he like that?"

Loki had let his eyes flutter shut, but he nodded, and strained out, "Yes, sir," trying desperately to keep quiet.

"Sometime, I'll have to take you somewhere else to fuck you. Somewhere I get to really hear that cute little voice. You get louder when you're alone in the house, don't you? I can tell."

"I do. I fuck myself and I think of my big brother and how much I want him to ruin my body. Please, fuck, Thor, I'm so close. Don't stop, please-"

"I'm gonna take you to a hotel sometime. You, and all your favourite things. Your ears, your collar. I'll get your tail, and your little paw gloves and socks, too. And I'll pamper you, I'll spoil you, and then I'll shove you facedown on the mattress and I'll make you my cumdump, make you scream for more. I'll strap a vibrator to your cock and after you come I won't turn it off, I'll make you cry from how good it feels. My precious kitten, you deserve the world, my sweet little brother--"

And with that, Loki tightened, face scrunched up in concentration, before he came all over his stomach, muscles loosening as he let out a sigh of pure contentment.  
"Brother," he gasped out, and if Thor hadn't come so spectacularly that even the tightening of Loki's cunt was oversensitive for him, the way Loki breathed the word out might have even got him going again.

Thor slid out slowly, carefully, and lay down next to Loki, facing him.  
"Are you okay?" he asked once Loki's breathing evened out.

"I'm more than okay, Thor."

Thor leaned across and ran his fingers through Loki's come, swirling it out on his chest.  
"...You really do look beautiful."

Loki looked across at him.  
"You really genuinely want to stay with me? And keep doing this? And all that stuff you said?"

"Well, apart from actually knocking you up, yes. To all of it. I've been in love with you for a while, Loki."

Loki's cheeks flushed even further than the blush that came from a good fuck could manage. He looked away to try hide the worst of it, but it was a fruitless effort.  
"I've been in love with you too. I'm glad being a slut online could bring us together like this."

Thor laughed, and kissed his shoulder.  
"You can still post online if you like. But I don't want you advertising for masters. Or sugar daddies. Or any other kind of relationship. Is that fair?"

"I guess. Though, if a really rich man wants to send me money in exchange for feet pics, I'm probably not going to say no, just so you know."

"Feet pics I guess are okay. But anything else, at least run it by me first, and let me decide if I'm okay with it. Okay?"

Loki nodded.  
"Well. I didn't expect my first time to be with my brother while I wore cat ears, but I'm definitely not complaining."

Thor sat bolt upright, and looked Loki dead in the eye.  
"This was your first time?"

"Well. Yeah. Just because I post half naked pics and talk about kink online doesn't mean anyone's met my ridiculously high standards yet."

Thor let out a deep sigh, and pulled Loki up into a hug because he didn't know what else to do about this.  
"Thank you for letting me be your first," he whispered.

"I don't think you're supposed to thank people for that, but you're welcome. Thank you for fucking me with cat ears on and not judging me for my kinks."

"Never," Thor swore, and kissed Loki's hair. "I'd never judge you."


	23. Auncle Loki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Auncle Loki (Aunt/Uncle); Nephew Thor; Genderqueer Loki; Human AU  
Summary:- Loki gets a call from their nephew after, what, 9 years?
> 
> Uhh also; I started writing this then realised it was gonna be way bigger than I was willing to put out for a 100 lifetimes fic so... consider this a potential longerfic preview? That I can't guarantee when it'll come out because I wanna finish up my other longerfic first? Okay cool good talk.

At 12 minutes past midnight, Loki's phone rang, and they didn't hear it because the music in the bar was far, far too loud, as it always was, and the throngs of drunks at the bar didn't give them even five minutes' peace to even think about checking their phone.  
It rang again at 12.18, 12.20, 12.24, and 12.35.  
When they finally checked it at about ten past 1, they saw all those missed calls, and a series of texts from their nephew, who they hadn't even heard from in... Fuck, it must have been 3 years.

">Hey, it's Thor. I'm sorry for calling and texting so late, I wouldn't have if it wasn't urgent. And last I knew, you worked late anyway, so I thought maybe you'd still be up?  
>Anyway, sorry if I woke you. I just need to ask, are you still living around the same place as you were before? Or have you moved to another city or something? I couldn't find you online and I wasn't sure if you'd blocked me or if my dad had something to do with it or if you changed your name or something.  
>I just wondered if I could talk to you? Like, it can wait until tomorrow, it's fine, I know it's late. But, uh, yeah, if you're free to chat I'd really like that please. Thanks. Good night. -Thor."

They signaled to their manager that they needed to take a few minutes, and their manager shrugged because there were a string of good songs on, so people weren't clamouring for drinks as much as they had been. Besides; a wave of lightweights had just began to stagger out of the bar and towards the taxi ranks.

Opening the back door onto the dingy alleyway that was almost entirely filled with bins, they called him back before they could think too hard about it.

"Hey!" came Thor's tired voice, and they could tell he'd been crying, and judging by the sounds of traffic and wind in the background, that he wasn't inside.

"Hey. You texted. And called. What's wrong?"  
No point fucking around with pleasantries - if he was calling this late, there was clearly a problem.

Thor giggled slightly, with a nervous energy they didn't expect from him. "Can't a boy just call his estranged uncle at 1 in the morning just to catch-"

"Don't try be cute, and don't waste your time or mine. What's wrong? Where are you?"

"Um. I'm at the big bus station in town, like, maybe half an hour from where you used to stay? I kinda- I ran away from home. And I know we've not talked in ages or anything so I get it if you tell me to fuck off, but, I was wondering if you had a couch or floorspace I could crash on for, like, a night. If not, it's okay, I have enough for a hostel, but I think there's nobody on reception this time of night and there's no buses to near them and I kinda wanted to know if you were an option at all before I started walking all that way out to the nearest ones."

Loki sighed and pinched the bridge of their nose. Okay, so he was around a fifteen minute walk away, if he knew the way.  
"Right. I need to go back inside in a few minutes, so I need quick answers. First, are you over 18? Can you get into a bar?"

"Uh. Yes? I turned 18 like, 10 months ago, I don't-"

"Shut up. Stop talking. If I text you an address, do you have enough data to load up map directions to get to it?"

"Yeah, I've got like 5GB-"

"Fine," They cut across him again. "Perfect. Are you still blonde? Any other identifying features? I've not actually seen you since you were, what, 9, maybe?"

"Umm. Yeah? Still blonde? Longish hair? I have a beard, too? I'm wearing a hoodie from my school and a big camping backpack? Oh! I'm not wearing them now, but I could put on my glasses if that helps?"

He was weighed down with luggage. They mentally recalculated - probably a twenty minute walk if he was still fit, over half an hour if he wasn't. They checked their watch. "Yep, that'll do. I'll text you the address once I hang up. Walk to it, talk to the people on the front door, tell them you're Loki's nephew and you're here to come see me. I'll tell them who to look out for, so they'll let you in for free. Then get inside and try find a seat or a free corner or something, and wait 'til last call. Don't leave when everyone else is getting kicked out. Or wait outside if we've already started locking up. Either way, you have until 3am to get here, or I'll head home without you. Got it?"

"Got it."

Loki hung up before Thor could talk any more, and breathed a sigh of relief that that call took under two minutes. They texted the address as they promised, then pushed through the crowds to the bouncer and the people stamping hands and taking cash, relayed all the information they had to them.  
"Do you have a picture so we know?" one of the hand-stampers asked, her heavily penciled eyebrow raised.

"If I did, I'd show you. Trust me, I don't think you're gonna see anyone else that fits that exact description and also looks uncomfortable and kind of miserable."  
Apparently their tone convinced her it wasn't worth arguing over - she shrugged and went back to scrolling on her phone.

Loki tried to distract themself, which was easy considering the crowd realised they had about fifteen minutes 'til the final bell and were trying to beat the rush. Which created a rush in itself. They took out their frustrations at the collective stupidity of drunks on the cocktails they had to mix, frantically shaking their beloved customers' drinks instead of wringing their beloved customers' necks.

And before they had a chance to slow down enough to think about the conversation they had, the room was being emptied, the lights were going up, the music was lowered to a non-deafening volume, and the only non staff member left behind was a blonde boy who looked like he was trying to make himself look very small. And he was failing miserably, because his shoulders were broad as could be, his biceps just added to the width of him, and his feeble attempt to hide the heft of his backpack made the scene almost comical. Almost. Instead, it landed more on the pitiful end of the spectrum.

Loki tucked the rag they'd been using to wipe down the counter into their apron and approached him. /'Don't think about it'/, they told themself. /'Don't overthink, just talk'/.  
"Thor, I have to assume?"  
They knew they spoke louder than they had to. Adjusting to the quiet after a whole evening of having to shout to be heard always took a little while.

Thor just nodded. He tried to put on a smile, but it was a lopsided half-hearted affair.

"Right. I have to clean up the place. If you want to get out of here quicker, grab a mop or a rag, or start picking up glasses and popping them over there," they pointed at the alcove that led to the dishwashers. "Just, make yourself useful. Then I'll get you home once we're done. Okay?"

"Okay," he echoed, standing to attention, and immediately grabbing glasses from the surrounding area, and heading straight towards the dishwasher to load it up.  
He did what he was told a bit too easily for Loki's comfort.

But with Thor's help, they managed the basic clean up far faster than usual - Loki was able to focus on counting the till, and their coworkers dealt with restocking and more in-depth cleaning that required practise and teaching that none of them had the time to give Thor.


	24. Secrets.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Spousal emotional abuse (Odin > Frigga); Adoption  
Summary:- Frigga couldn't keep Loki after he was born. But maybe the Universe took pity on her, because he travelled far, and wound up right on her doorstep.

Nobody bar Frigga and Odin knew that Frigga had a second son. He sent her on an extended holiday, secluded in the middle of nowhere 'til Loki was born, and then he forced her to put him up for adoption.  
(Frigga convinced herself she deserved it at first. She'd elected to have an affair. At the time she justified it to herself; Odin was so distant, so cruel at times. Laufey seemed so much nicer at first. Kinder.)  
(Laufey disappeared as soon as Odin found out and didn't offer Frigga any help.)  
(She told herself she deserved it because of course Odin was right. Odin was always right, about everything.)  
(If she didn't believe that, then the weight of how horrifying their marriage really was would crush her, and she wasn't sure she'd recover.)

She tried to make peace with the fact she'd never see Loki again. She never met the parents that adopted him. She didn't think she ever would.  
But 8 months later, a new couple moved into the same street as them, and she'd recognise the boy anywhere. He already looked so different, so much bigger, but a mother can tell. But in many ways, she didn't need mother's intuition to tell.  
She hadn't told Odin she'd named the child Loki, and she was thankful she didn't. The new parents kept the name. And how often do you meet a child named Loki?  
He was hers. And he was right there.

Thor was only a year and a three months older than Loki, so they grew together. They played together. Frigga always offered to look after Loki when his new parents were busy, and Odin scoffed at her.  
"Do you miss your bastard child that much you're projecting onto someone else's kid?"  
She always told him she was just trying to be helpful. Just trying to make sure Thor had a friend.  
Odin never believed it. But he never realised the truth, and that was what mattered.

So she kept feigning that ignorance for years, letting Loki call her 'Mrs Borson' and trying not to be sad it wasn't any variation on 'mother'.  
And she kept treating them both like princes. Kept enabling their friendship, kept resolving fights between them as if they were really brothers.  
(They were really brothers.)

It was a good set-up until they turned 14 and 15 and she overheard a conversation.

"I don't think my dad would be very happy about it, but I kind of don't care. I know mom would love me no matter what," Thor's voice came, in a whisper that was a tad too loud.

"My parents would be okay with it, I think. My mom was bi before she got married. Like, I guess she still is, but she's only with dad nowadays, so. She still reminds people though. She asked if I want to go to pride with her this year."

Thor laughed. "Would she be okay with me going? Actually, I don't know if-- they take a bunch of pictures there, right? I might get seen. I know dad still reads the newspaper, so if it made it there I'd be fucked."

"He's gonna find out eventually, though," Loki mused. "And you know you're always safe at my house. They love you. They'll defend you if your dad starts any shit. And like, your mom loves you too. It's 3 against 1."

"She loves me, but she isn't very good at standing up to him. Not like I can talk; I'm not either."

"Then it's still 2 against 1. Even if she doesn't stand against him, I can't imagine she'll like... start getting on at you about it."

"No, I don't think she will. Still. I think I'd like to keep us dating a secret for a little while longer. Not because I'm ashamed of you or anything, just because I don't want, like... all of this to blow up. I don't want him to ban me from seeing you."

Loki hummed, and Frigga heard a kiss.  
And she crept away, hoping against hope they wouldn't hear a single footfall of hers.

She lay down on her bed and stared at the ceiling and contemplated what to do.  
She knew she shouldn't just let them go ahead and date. She should let them know they were brothers. She should tell the truth.  
But she'd been not telling the truth for over a decade. And if she told it now, it risked a lot; it risked Loki hating her. It risked Loki's parents distrusting her. It risked Odin's anger. It risked their reputation.  
It wasn't just uncomfortable to tell the truth - it was dangerous.

Maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe if they were happy, it didn't matter that they were dating their brother. What they didn't know couldn't hurt them.  
The biggest threat to their happiness would be one of those dumb genealogy tests, and frankly, they'd all discussed how little they appealed to them at separate junctures - Loki included, who bluntly announced, "I don't care to know who my biological parents were, 'cause if they didn't want me, I don't want them either."  
(She had taken a hot bath and poured a glass of wine and turned on some relaxing music and sobbed in the tub for a solid two hours after that.)  
(She understood. She did.)  
(But telling Loki wouldn't fix it. It would only stop her from hurting. It wouldn't do him any favours.)

And when she overheard them again, a year later, still secretly dating, talking to each other, it cemented her decision to never tell.  
When Thor said to Loki, "I don't know if this is weird to say since we're dating, but you've always kind of felt like the brother I always wanted?"

And when Loki said to Thor, "No, same, I totally get you. I'm still really attracted to you, though, whatever that says about me."

Yeah.  
No.  
She had no plans to tell them.


	25. Praise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Praise Kink; Fighting; Wounds and unpleasant things happening to them; Hurt/Comfort  
Summary:- Thor does notice things, sometimes.

Sometimes, when Thor told Loki, "oh, good work," or, "you clever thing," or, "my wonderful little brother," Loki's mask would slip for a split second. His cool, aloof, unaffected face would melt for a moment, then when it was forced back onto his features, it was even sharper, colder. He'd affect an eyeroll, and he'd tut, and he'd insult Thor.

But Thor was faster than he let on. He caught Loki's slips. He studied them.  
He experimented with them.

If he was joking, Loki got irritated. Genuinely, with no brief difference in expression.  
If he was too sincere, let Loki know the compliment was coming, and dragged the point out, Loki put on the eyerolls, but there wasn't any dip in the mask.

It was only when Loki didn't expect it that he caught him out.

One time in particular always stood out. One time that got Thor short of breath whenever he thought of it.  
One time, when Loki managed to outsmart him on the training field, using Thor's weight against him to get him on the ground, and when Thor turned around, Loki's sword was drawn and pointed at Thor's throat.  
"Oh, /clever/ boy, Loki," Thor grinned, genuinely proud of his brother.

And Loki's hand shook, just enough for the blade to touch Thor's chin, to nick his skin slightly.  
"You're a fool to fall for that one, Thor," Loki retorted, cold as ice, expressionless to compensate for the flush on his cheeks that wasn't solely from exertion.

Thor grabbed Loki's leg and ducked his head away safely before toppling Loki to one side, rolling over to pin him.  
"And you're a fool to get too confident in your success. But this isn't over, is it?" he asked, hearing the sword clatter to the ground, and feeling Loki's hand move towards Thor's arm.  
He grabbed his wrist just in time.  
"Stabbing me with a dagger again? Come on, brother, you're smarter than this. I know your tricks well enough by now."

Loki clearly didn't know what to feel, so he kept his neutral expression firm, staring Thor down.  
And it wasn't until too late that Thor realised that was part of Loki's play.

He didn't know how it happened - he suspected magic, and trickery, though Loki denied it - but he wound up collapsing on the dirt with Loki wriggling his way on top of Thor, pinning him face down, arms behind his back.  
Thor smiled, though he did not open his mouth, so he didn't inhale any dirt.  
Loki got a dagger in between Thor's armor, and dug it into his side. It hurt. But it was clever enough he didn't cuss Loki out for it.

Instead, as Loki patched him up, tended to his wounds, Thor quietly said, "You are the sliest fox I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, my dear brother."

Loki stopped stemming the wound for just long enough for Thor's blood to flow down his fingers, gaping at Thor for a second longer than usual, and going furiously red when he looked back down, pressing his finger in the cloth covering wound with dual intention to hurt and to heal.  
He said nothing.

Thor continued through gritted teeth.  
"I know you like it when I compliment you. Even if you do act like it annoys you. But I mean every word, Loki."

Loki took in a sharp breath.  
"Are you sure? Because it sounds like you're mocking me, Thor."

"I am not. Why would I be mocking you when you've just proven you're capable of grievously harming me, and you're now tending to the wounds you inflicted?"

"Because you're an oaf who doesn't know how to stop being cruel to me."

Thor reached up to touch Loki's cheek, which was harder than it sounded, considering his injury.  
"I never wish to harm you, Loki. Not with my words. I really do cherish y--"

Loki dug his finger firmly into the wound, and snarled.  
"I should have just left you here to bleed out," he snapped, and rose to leave.

"Okay. What will it take to make you believe I'm sincere?"

Loki stilled, stopped walking.  
"I'll finish fixing your injury if you shut up and stop teasing me."

"Not teasing. But I can shut up."

Loki stood there, and Thor knew he was counting down, trying to calm himself.  
When he was done, he turned back, and finished up, quick and deft movements that were efficient and impressive.  
Thor wanted to compliment him further, but he also didn't want Loki to leave. Not just for the benefit of the healing, but because he wanted to watch his brother work.

And when he finished, all he said was, "thank you," when what he really wanted to say was, 'I know you want me to kiss you and tell you you're good'.  
But he had enough self preservation not to.  
Not enough self preservation to stop trying to make Loki slip. But enough to keep things in the realm of plausible deniability. For Loki's sake.


	26. Storms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Jealousy; Freakout; Suspected Infidelity; Sexist Language  
Summary:- Loki hears a storm, and the clouds roll over his best judgement, as well.

Loki was alone, reading in the library.  
That wasn't unusual, really - he often preferred to be alone, if he could help it. There were no pressing engagements, nothing to distract him from his book, and he stayed in there, curled up in his favourite nook for a good few hours.

And then there was a flash outside the window that illuminated the library in ways candles couldn't, and thunder rolled, and Loki froze.

He didn't know where Thor was. But he wasn't with Loki.

'Calm yourself. He might be wound up about something else entirely,' he tried to reason with himself.  
And that did happen. Storms did hit when Thor got angry, or stressed.

'But,' another part of his brain reasoned, 'they do come a reasonably high proportion of the time when he's fucking you.'  
That much was undeniable.  
'And he's not fucking you.'  
That, too.

He closed his book without bothering to mark the page, and left the library, fast on his feet.

He didn't know what he'd do. His fingers twitched, ready to summon a knife, so that much was clearly on the agenda. But would the sweet edge of the blade find itself buried in Thor's flesh? Or in the skin of whatever vapid waste of space he'd decided was worth ruining everything over?  
He was angry at Thor, yes. And probably would hurt him. Probably would stab him. But not to kill, no - he'd keep him alive. Maybe carve his name into Thor's skin so he knew, so he remembered next time he was tempted who he truly belonged to.  
Whoever he was with, though? They could die, and they would.

By the time he got to Thor's bedroom, he was shaking visibly, and kicked the door down with a ferocity he hadn't mustered up in months.

And he found nobody inside. Not in the bed. Not in the bathroom.

So he was taking this whore out in the open like an animal?  
(And by now he was convinced it was a woman. Had to be. He'd gotten bored of his brother, gotten bored of men, and knew it just wasn't the same asking for Lady Loki. He'd clearly turned to some insipid little slut to get what he really wanted.)  
(Didn't he realise that Loki could be anyone he wanted him to be? If he wanted to fuck this piece of filth so badly he could have just pointed her out to Loki and then he'd have her, but it would really be him, still, and that was fine, that was _fine_ as long as he remembered who he _really_ loved-)

He stalked the halls, listening for them. If he wasn't quick, Thor would be done, and what if he knocked up this worthless hag? He'd have to watch them marry, and raise their bastard child, and forget about him.  
Desperation set in. There was a commotion in the pub. Surely one of Thor's friends knew, had seen who he'd went off with, had some idea of where he was. The door burst open, nearly knocked off its hinges-

And there was Thor.  
At the table.  
Drinking with everyone.  
Laughing.

So was it already over? Had he been that desperate for someone, _anyone_ else, that he finished before Loki could get to him?

Thor rose, seeing something is wrong with Loki, seeing him drenched and shaking, but he smiles, and Loki feels sick.  
"Come outside."

"Okay," Thor replied, trying to keep his smile.

The sky still poured, and Loki still shook, and Thor lead them somewhere quiet and far enough from the pub they couldn't be seen or heard, when Loki blurted out, "which one of them was it?"  
It was an accusation, and Thor looked nonplussed trying to figure out what, exactly, he was being accused of.

"I don't- Loki, what are you speaking of?"

"Don't act dumb with me," Loki hisses, and there was a knife in his hand he didn't even consciously summon, and perhaps the threat would be more effective if his hands weren't trembling, but it clearly held some weight, as it pointed at Thor's throat; Thor reeled back, grabbing Loki's wrist.  
"You fucked one of them. Which one was it."

"What makes you think I-- Oh. Because of the storm?"

"Obviously."

"Loki. Pause a moment. Breathe for me. And listen to it. Does this sound like one of mine?"

"Don't play -games--"

"No games. You know me. You know my storms. Is this one of mine?"

Loki did as he was told for once in his life, and listened to the thunder crack.  
...Thor was right. It didn't sound like him, like the beat of his heart, like the pounding beat of magic that lives in his veins.

The skies did not clear, but Loki's mind did.  
His fear - his jealousy, insecurity, had conspired to cloud his judgement.

His sigh of relief was short-lived, and gave way to a heavy, messy sob, and even with the rain on Loki's face masking the tears themselves, it was evident that he was crying, undeniable. His arm dropped to his side, knife clattering to the ground.

And Thor held him. In full public view, he wrapped his arms around him, squeezed him tight to his chest. Loki surreptitiously cast a glamour, hid them from view. Nobody else got to see this. He didn't even want Thor to see this.  
"I wouldn't. I swear, I would never."  
He didn't let go. Held Loki until all was quiet, until his shoulders stopped shaking.  
And he tipped his chin up.  
And he smiled at him.  
And his fears- well, they weren't gone. But they were tamped down.

"Come on. Come into the pub. I'll buy you a drink."


	27. Slumber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Somnophillia; Consensual and Nonconsensual; Kink negotiation  
Summary:- Loki and Thor try something new, and figure out where the boundaries lie.

“Fuck me again,” he begged, breathlessly.

Loki knew he was already fucked silly; Thor didn’t do things by halves, and that extended to the bedroom. No, he was being greedy, and he wasn’t sorry about it.

“You’re sure?” Thor asked, still sweating from their last tryst not a quarter hour earlier.

“Please.”

And Thor obliged without further question, lifting Loki’s leg and rubbing his half-hard cock against his brother’s wet cunt. It didn’t take him too long to get back to full firmness, and press in again.  
Loki closed his eyes, and lost himself to the sensation, to the fullness.

And what started as surrendering himself to the feeling quickly gave way to sleep. Loki, of course, didn’t notice this; not until Thor shook him awake.

“Brother. If you want me to fuck you again so badly, I’d far prefer you were awake for it.”

And maybe it was how sleep addled Loki’s brain was, but waking to a cock still buried inside him? Well, that was kind of… really hot. He'd fantasised before, of course, but this was reality, and reality was... Reality was good.

He shook his head. “Keep going. Use me.”

“I can’t do that to you.”

“I want you to.” His eyelids were heavy, but he kept them on Thor as best he could.

“Are you sure? Are you awake enough to fully-”

“I know what I’m asking. Come inside of me while I’m unconscious. Please.”

Thor buried himself deep and leaned in. “If you fall asleep, I will. But I’m going to fuck you so well you can’t pass out again.”

Loki grinned, and nodded. This was a win-win - if Thor kept him awake with a mind shattering orgasm, then, perfect. If he failed, he still would wake up the next morning with the knowledge his brother had used his slumbering body like a toy, would wake with his cum dried on his thighs.

To Thor’s credit, he did an excellent job of fucking Loki again; of course he did. His fingers around Loki’s still sensitive cock and the repeated pressure against his clit, coupled with his thick cock inside of him… Well, he came fast and hard, near crying from how overwhelming it all was.

And he grinned, as sleep dragged him under, the last words leaving his lips simply, “keep going”.

His consciousness existed in limbo; exhaustion prevented him from staying awake for any lasting time, but Thor was relentless, using him as he’d been asked to, fast and hard and deep enough to briefly rouse Loki, long enough that he was aware what was happening before it took him again.

It felt good.

The last time he woke that night was in time to feel Thor bury himself to the hilt and flood his insides with come, the second load of the night, enough to bloat Loki’s thin stomach a little.

He gripped Thor’s wrist, and didn’t wake ‘til morning.

And with morning came groggy memories of the night before, before he even opened his eyes. The ache in his muscles was his first waking realisation, and then the come that was dried between his legs.

He cracked an eye open to look at Thor; still sleeping peacefully.  
And he let his hand wander down; not sleeping so peacefully.  
He didn’t think, just acted - buried his face in Thor’s neck and straddled him, slipped it inside of his own cunt. It ached, it ached so bad. He’d overdone it, and yet, he still wanted more.

Moving his hips gently so as not to wake Thor too soon, so as not to hurt himself so badly he had to stop, the buildup was slow, gradual. His own cock had only been half hard at first, and it took a good while before it really got there, but that didn’t stop him from feeling good, between his brother inside him, using him to hit the spot, and the gentle back and forth on his clit.

And it was when he was hard that Thor finally woke up, making a confused noise that Loki sat up at, seeing a slightly startled look on his face.

“Are you alright?” Loki asked, playing it level, bordering on seductive, to mask the sudden grip of panic that, maybe, he shouldn’t have done this - that just because he enjoyed it didn’t mean that Thor necessarily would.

But after a moment’s pause, Thor nodded slowly, and thrust up inside him.

They met each others thrusts, and Loki came quickly after that, between the buildup he’d already been working on, and the sheer relief of knowing Thor wasn’t angry with him for taking the opportunity presented to him.

Once Loki came, Thor flipped him over onto his back, pulled Loki’s ankles up around his neck and buried himself in him, using him again as he had so well the night before, but this time, this time Loki truly hurt from it, felt as if he were being torn in two.

He didn’t complain for a second.

And when Thor’s cock pulsed and released inside of his brother for the third time in twelve hours, he collapsed on top of him, panting for air.

They lay in silence a while before Thor pulled out and lay next to him. And he used the Serious Voice as he addressed him, the voice reserved for when Loki behaved ‘ill-befitting of a prince’.

“As enjoyable as that was in the moment, brother, I don’t remember giving you permission to do that. I am aware you enjoyed it happening to you, and I respect that, but I’d prefer in future if you asked me before having your way with me.” He paused a moment before amending, “I’m not angry with you. I just want to lay the rules down now.”

Loki let out a long, low breath, exhaling the air he’d held in his lungs the whole while Thor spoke. Knowing his brother wasn’t angry was enough to settle him.  
“That is reasonable. I apologise; my brain wasn’t my primary drive after waking up with your cum still inside me. That said, though… I know I don’t have your blanket permission, and I swear I won’t do it again, but you do have mine. If I’m asleep and you want to, please consider just using me without waking me. If you start and I wake up midway through, that’s fine, it would be fun to wake up to as long as it’s not incredibly early, but… You fucking me and coming in me without me waking sounds incredibly hot. I’d like it if you did that and then told me the next day if I didn’t already figure it out. Especially if you told me quietly while we were in public.”

Thor looked at him quizzically. “I’m... Willing to do that. But I honestly do think I’d prefer a more awake and receptive partner. Part of my enjoyment when we sleep together is watching you enjoying it. Can you explain to me why you want this so much?”

Loki sighed. He was more welcoming of this than of an argument, for sure, but it was early. He’d just came. His brain wasn’t equipped to explain what he liked about his unusual kinks.  
But he tried his best.  
“I just… Really like the idea of being used. Of someone taking away my choice. The reality would be horrifying, I think - some stranger fucking me and coming inside of me while I’m drugged or asleep would turn my stomach if it were real, but the fantasy of it is titillating. Knowing that the one actually doing it is someone I trust means I can pretend that it isn’t someone I trust. I can pretend you’re taking advantage of me.”

“But why do you want to be taken advantage of, even in fantasy?”

“I think, because I want to control every other aspect of my life so tightly, maybe I enjoy the freedom of the fantasy where someone else is imposing their control over me. And using me not as a prince or even as a living being - the person fucking me has no expectations of me. They simply want me to stay asleep and keep being a ready hole for them to fuck.  
“...I suppose, part of the fantasy of losing control is that I lose control in a controlled manner. I give you permission. I ask you to do it. And if I ask you to stop, I trust you will. So I’m in control of when I lose control.  
“Does that make more sense, now?”

Thor nodded, slowly.  
“I think so. May I just ask, though; would you rather I -only- fuck you while you’re asleep from now on? Or simply sometimes? Because, honestly, I don’t think I would be happy if you were never present when we were together. The thought of only ever fucking your unconscious body from now on is distressing.”

“No, don’t worry, only sometimes. I do still want to fuck you while we’re both awake..”  
Thor nodded, and Loki decided to see how far he could push his luck.  
“Would you maybe be interested in drugging me? Or getting me so drunk I’m barely lucid?”

“That seems a bit underhanded. I don’t know if I’m happy with that.”

“But I’m giving you permission. I am asking for it. So it’s not underhanded at all. And if we do it once and I don’t feel as good about it after drugs or alcohol, then we don’t do that again.”

Thor worried his lip, and Loki realised there was something else bothering him.

“What is it? What concerns you?”

“I’m… honestly, I’m a little afraid I’ll enjoy it too much. What will that say about me, then?”

“It will say that you enjoyed doing something you were asked to do and given permission to do, Thor. It will say that you enjoyed having sex in the privacy of your bedroom with a consenting partner. Besides, aren’t we far past the borderline for perdition? You’re already fucking your brother. And I think we’ve long since come to terms with that not being as bad a thing as people think it to be - we both want this.”

Thor nodded slowly.  
“I’ll need time to think on this, Loki. Especially about the involvement of substances. But if this makes you happy, I’m willing to at least consider making it a recurring feature of our sex life.” He paused a moment, then added, “I’m serious about you not doing it to me, though. If I catch you doing it I will have to hurt you. And I don’t want to do that.”

“Understood. Unfortunate, but understood.”

“Don’t pout as if I don’t fuck you often enough while I’m awake,” Thor laughed, and poked Loki in the side.

Loki giggled, and squirmed, curled himself up small so he couldn’t be attacked any further. “Fine! Fine.” Once he was certain Thor wasn’t going to go for his sides again, he unfurled himself, leaned up, and kissed him. “Thank you for hearing me out.”


	28. Script Kiddie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Hacker Loki; Spying; Voyeurism; Mutual Masturbation  
Summary:- Loki had expected to find incriminating things on Thor's PC when he put keyloggers on it. Actually, that was the whole _point_ of the exercise.

Loki had expected to find incriminating things on Thor's PC when he put keyloggers on it. Actually, that was the whole _point_ of the exercise. That, and practising on an easily accessible target before moving onto potentially profitable ventures.

What he didn't expect were the posts to anonymous message boards (boards; plural).  
Reading back, deleting what were clearly corrected typos, Loki deciphered them.

_"so I think i'm in love with my brother?_

_hi so. I know this isnt free online therapy or whatever but i can't really tell people about this IRL. obviously._  
uhh it's just as the title says I guess? I keep thinking about him. like, not even just when I jerk off either, but obviously that too. I'm a guy, for the record, so this is a double whammy of unsettling revelations.  
I've been trying really hard to make myself like people that aren't him but the only girls i'm attracted to look like him so i'm scared to date them in case he figures it out.  
what do I do? do i look into getting a fuckin lobotomy or do i try talk this out with a therapist or what?" 

And another post, a few hours later.

_/"@4297455  
No, I'm not going to rape him, fuck off._

_@4297682  
Is it really Wincest if he's not interested in me?_

_@4297712  
Yeah, he's only a year and a bit younger than me. I'm over 18, he isn't yet, but nearly. We're still living with our parents._

_@ everyone saying this is the plot of various animes: thanks for the recs I guess"_

Loki stared at the screen blankly for a solid five minutes after.  
Then immediately got to work on writing a new script.

This one would notify Loki any time Thor went onto any porn site Loki had found in his history, including several he hadn't, just in case he felt like branching out.  
Then, it would enable him to watch Thor through his webcam, in a silent, one-sided stream, that Thor would (ideally) be unaware of.

Purely for scientific reasons, of course.

When he got a notification (after several long hours of waiting, biting his nails down to the quick, scrolling mindlessly through image dump threads to stop him worrying Thor would find out, or it wouldn't work), he dropped everything and pulled up the webcam footage, along with the data window showing him a live feed of what links were being clicked.

Loki studiously opened them alongside Thor, but struggled to know exactly which video he was watching, as he had opened several at once.

_"50 guy creampie"_  
"Kawaii blowjob + deep fuck"  
"Hot redhead nailed by roommate"  
"Risky fuck in public changing room" 

Loki hummed. Interesting, but not quite as interesting as he'd hoped. And Thor still had all his clothes on, vexingly.

Then Thor made a face, and closed his eyes. He clicked into a few different categories, wildly different, but didn't open any more videos.

Loki watched with great interest. So, was Thor just picky? Or was he looking for something in particular?

Apparently the latter, because the next thing he did after clicking fruitlessly through the categories was type in "step sibling", and Loki's screen got inundated with links after that.  
Following them through, most of them were straight, but most of them were also girls with dark hair, and Loki's hand found its way beneath his waistband, toying with his half-hard cock idly.

(The thought of him being splayed out like that. Breaking under Thor's efforts.)  
(The look of concentration on Thor's face, and how Loki could tell when Thor's hands finally wandered, finding what he was looking for.)

Thor kept his shirt on, but he leaned back enough Loki could just see the tip of his cock at the bottom of the webcam, disappearing into his closed fist in long, slow movements.

(He realised he didn't quite know what his end goal was here. Was he looking for blackmail? Was he aiming to humiliate Thor?)  
(Or was he really just wanting to get off on his brother getting off thinking about him?)

His hand stilled as it struck him.  
Why the fuck was he waiting and watching, here? Why not just go through and fuck him?

But he didn't.  
He stayed, stuck in his chair, paralyzed by... something. Not fear - he refused to admit he knew what fear even felt like. Nor indecision, because he knew in that moment that he _wanted_ Thor to fuck him so hard he couldn't walk.

Maybe he just wanted this, for now. Maybe he wanted to spy. To enjoy knowing something he wasn't supposed to know,  
Yeah. That made sense.

He'd enjoy this, for now.  
He'd enjoy the rest later.


	29. Always maybe the last time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Post-Ragnarok; Infinity War? What Infinity War?; Ark; Throne sex  
Summary:- They had a history, but they never assumed that they would have a future.

It was hardly the first time. But they both knew every time could be the last time. One of them might piss off the other; or go just a bit too far (mostly Loki might go a bit too far); or use a bit too much force (mostly Thor might use a bit too much force); or one of them could get stranded far from each other for the rest of their lives. Or finally get killed.

Every time could be the last and it always had been that way. Before they discovered Loki was adopted, it was a case of "what if we get found out?" But now, on the ship, on the long ride to a new home, it was more a case of "what if I snap and throw him out an air lock" for Thor. But also, being found out. That likely wouldn't go down well.

Regardless; they kissed like they were starved for each others' taste and touched each other as if they were afraid the other would disappear if they didn't keep the tightest grip.

It was a fight because what wasn't between them? For dominance; to prove themselves; against themselves, to try prove to themselves that try still cared about the other despite their differences.

It was hard to believe that last one sometimes. It wasn't an easy relationship. But some bonds are near impossible to break when they run so deep.

Others, like Loki's grip on Thor's wrists, were as easy to break as a bird's skull, but he played along for a little while anyway, pretended he had the best of him. But then he wrapped his legs around Loki's waist and leaned up to kiss him and pulled his wrists free, rolled him over and rode his brother's cock hard enough to bruise his hips and make him beg for mercy.

And then it was back to normal. Because it was an outlet, not a game changer - never was a game changer. Except, maybe, the first time while they were on the ship, Thor kissed him a little softer, a little more tender, thankful he really came. Thankful he really stayed. Thankful he really fought for him - for everyone. He wasn't a good man and probably never would be. But there were times he was less of a bad man, and those times were to be cherished. But he'd learned not to expect them to come again - to always be pleasantly surprised when they did.

The next time came out of a good phase. Maybe it was the expectations - Odin was gone and all they had was themselves and their people. Maybe that prompted him to put his ego aside for a little while. But he behaved like a true prince, and that was really all that mattered. And when the people had made their ways to bed, or to work, or otherwise vacated the throne room, leaving the brothers alone... well.

There was something powerful about fucking each other on the throne - especially when Loki rode while sitting on Thor's lap, both of them staring off into the endless expanse of space. Something dangerous about doing it somewhere so exposed, knowing they shouldn't get caught, shouldn't let anyone see them that way, especially when there was nowhere for them to hide if they did - but the thrill fuelled them. Their kisses and their bites blended into the same thing. Soft and harsh all at the same time, and nothing was different, not really, but this was still the calmest they'd ever been together.

And they finished, and they collapsed against each other, and they kissed, still hungry, still fierce, but tired. And they dressed, and they went to their separate rooms, and they relaxed. And they didn't speak of it. What was there to speak of? There could be another time. But maybe not. Loki could turn tomorrow. Thor could be killed tomorrow. The ship could be attacked tomorrow. All they had was today. And today was good.


	30. Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Pre-Thor 2011; Apparent unrequited feelings; masturbation; degradation fantasies; choking fantasies; self loathing  
Summary:- Thor touches Loki, innocent and unaware, and Loki has to twist it. Corrupt it.

Thor didn't know how badly he tortured Loki with the things that he did. Things he didn't give a second thought to.  
At least, that's what Loki told himself. He didn't think Thor had it in him to be cruel this way, and if it was intentional then it was an extreme act of cruelty.

But Loki coped, mostly. He denied it to himself so hard he sometimes thought he was over it, right up until Thor beamed at him, or rested his hand on the small of Loki's back, or ran his fingers through Loki's hair idly when it got to be an unruly mess and Loki himself was too caught up in other things to notice.  
Or when he laid his hand on Loki's neck.

Loki could feel the smile on his face being forced as Thor's palm found its familiar resting place on the crook of Loki's neck, and he was speaking fond words, words Loki heard, responded to, but it was an effort in composure and it felt like lying did. Calculated. Deliberate.

He plastered that same smile on for the rest of the time they spent together as if his skin wasn't on fire, as if his lungs weren't tight like he'd just run a mile.

And then he found his out, his excuse to leave, and retire to his chambers.

He barely got in the door. He collapsed to the floor in front of it after he'd bolted it shut and rested his head back against the wood, let his hand reach up to hold where his brother had held, and it wasn't the same, his fingers didn't have Thor's callouses and his fingers were slim and his hand wasn't angled the right way around, but it recreated the warmth and the pressure and that was all Loki needed for the time being.  
His other hand wrestled with the clasps and buckles of his leathers, and he shucked them down only as much as he needed to to grasp his half-hard cock. He was thankful for the layers when he was out in public, but now, they only served as a nuisance.

It didn't take long for him to get hard, just a few strokes with the thought of his brother's hand there just before kissing him, his brother's hand there with the thumb hooked around his throat to choke the air out his lungs. It's not like it would be the first time - sometimes, Loki pushed him, hoping for that outcome, bitterly disappointed whenever Thor yelled at him instead, or took the high ground and walked away without engaging.  
But those times, when Thor pinned him to a wall with his fingers cutting off Loki's blood and air, fire in his eyes?  
He let out a small gasp.

Maybe, if it ever came out that Loki felt this way, maybe Thor would do it then. Maybe he'd realise while doing it that Loki was aroused by it, and maybe he'd do it harder, maybe he'd call him disgusting, and depraved, and maybe he'd press his forehead against Loki's and tell him how disappointed he was in him, tell him how wrong it was for a prince to feel that way about his brother. Maybe he'd threaten to lock him in the dungeons the second he became king. Maybe he'd let him rot in there. Maybe, just maybe, he'd come down once in a while, and have his way with him. Use him. Maybe he'd tie him to his bed and fuck him from behind so he didn't have to look into his own brother's face as he did it. Maybe he'd fuck him so hard he'd be left bleeding on that bed and he wouldn't free him, would leave that for the guards to do later, and he'd be left not knowing how much later that would be.

Or maybe he'd pity him. Maybe he'd look at his repulsive little brother's desperate face, and he'd be overcome with regret that he shared blood with such a nauseating creature. Maybe he would feel sorry for being born with all the goodness of their parents, leaving no scraps behind for the child that followed. Maybe he'd try share some of that goodness; maybe if he kissed him, Loki could lick the scraps from his lips and teeth. Maybe he'd let Loki try to suck that from him, let him get on his knees in worship and try, try, try. Maybe he'd humour him and watch him touch himself as he did it, and maybe he'd be strong enough to hold his stomach as he did. And maybe, when that failed to make him any less noxious, maybe Thor would put him out of his misery. A hand on his throat, again, and this time he wouldn't let go for the rest of Loki's life. A mercy killing. No court would convict him.

He didn't usually let himself hope anything better than this.  
But he pondered; sent out a hollow, unexpectant prayer to any gods that hadn't wholly given up on him, any daemons with nothing better to do.  
Maybe? Maybe Thor would kiss him, kiss his lips, without disgust, or judgement, or hatred, or fear. Maybe Thor would rest his hand there as he had earlier, every bit as tender, every bit as loving, and he would look at Loki as an equal still.  
(It was a wild and dangerous fantasy, he knew, but he was so far gone, so close.)  
Maybe he would smile at him as he did now. Maybe he would hold him tenderly and not pull away from Loki's skin like it had burnt him. Maybe he would open his mouth and maybe he would say he loved him just the same.

And he came hard enough to crack his skull off the wooden door and couldn't even bring himself to care about the pain.

Afterwards, he cleaned his leather quickly in the bathroom, dabbed water on it to keep it from staining.  
He knew he'd remember what he'd been thinking about when he treated it later on. He accepted that as punishment. He shouldn't be allowed to forget, even if it would be easier.  
This was penance, for loving the one person he shouldn't be thinking of. A whole kingdom of suitors, and his heart was focused on his brother? And worse yet, he'd gotten himself off on the mere thought of kissing him sweetly?  
No. There was no excusing that.  
He deserved to wallow in his misery. He deserved to spend a half hour ensuring this didn't stain. He deserved the growing lump on the back of his head and the dizziness that came with it.  
This is what he got for praying for something so foul.

Not that it would deter him. No. He would continue, he knew he would - he'd just keep paying the price, no matter how steep.


	31. Illusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Denial is a river in Egypt; illusions; masturbation; Intersex Loki; Loki/OMC (imaginary); Loki/OFC (imaginary)  
Summary:- Loki's skills at conjuring illusions are usually helpful when he's trying to get himself off. Usually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am at a point in this where I'm strongly considering making this 50 lifetimes instead. Lots of other things are happening in my life, and while I've been enjoying this so far, I am thinking I'd like to get back to working more on my longer fics and other projects.  
This isn't a 100% yet, but, y'know, I'm putting it out there as a possibility. And I'd far rather decide 'yeah I'm happy to make it to 50 and wrap it up at that' than give up on the thing entirely.

Sometimes, Loki conjured visions to aid his... alone time. Not always - much could be said for simply enjoying himself, not thinking about _being_ with anyone, just enjoying the sensations he could make himself feel.

But when he did...  
It wasn't like he could really make them real, he couldn't _/create_ things from the ether - he could summon thing if he had previously stored them, yes, and he could make visions appear, illusions, and he could alter existing things to a degree.  
But those didn't combine to making a real and tangible person that he could fuck. No. They were nothing more than a mirage.  
He had to do the heavy lifting, as it were.

This instance, in particular, was after a... troubling personal revelation.  
His chest hurt, and his head was heavy with all the thoughts it carried, and his shoulders ached from all the burdens they bore.  
What better time for a distraction wank?

He rolled over and imagined himself up just the most idealistic lover he'd only ever dreamt of. A cute, soft-faced boy, probably only a century old, if that. Old enough to be a soldier, but nowhere near built enough. Pale, probably from being in the library. Auburn hair falling down to his collarbones, and a cock that hung thick and heavy between his legs even flaccid.

Loki licked his lips, and pretended to beckon this boy closer, moving the illusion as he did so it complied.

There was no talking. What was the point? He simply shoved his own trousers down to his hips, and his already hardening cock appeared to press up against the lad's thighs.

He willed the boy's cock to harden, and it did (unnaturally quickly - his patience was poor), and then motioned him to lower himself onto Loki's cock.

It certainly looked good. It looked real. He held his hand back a moment to drink in the sight of himself so deeply embedded in this boy, even if he couldn't _feel_ it like this.

He reached down, the illusion shimmering a little around his hand, but as he moved it, made his dream boy move in time; he found, like always, he could squint enough to pretend it was the real thing.

...And even that wasn't working, really - the realisation hit him in the chest, more tangible than the man riding him, that even fucking a boy he'd specifically made to be perfect for him just wasn't cutting it.

He huffed out in exasperation, dissipating the vision. Maybe he just wasn't feeling boys tonight? Maybe tonight was a girl night?

He quickly conjured up a lady; a medium-sized chest, a slightly chubby frame, dark brown hair. Yeah, she seemed nice.  
He didn't bother pretending to coax her onto him; she was already on his cock the moment she existed, and he tried with her, tried to enjoy her.  
She was lovely.  
But she wasn't doing it either.

He groaned, wondering what the hell his body actually wanted from him. Was it this? He switched her out for a thinner, blonder woman, tits so big they'd give her back ache, almost out of spite towards his own sex drive.  
But obviously no. No, that wasn't his scene at all. He didn't even bother.

Obviously, he concluded, it was a night for bottoming.  
He leaned over and retrieved a carved quartz cock from his bedside, and parted his legs. Not his arse, tonight, he concluded immediately, and rubbed it against his clit, around his entrance.  
He rushed putting it inside, and the cold of the crystal against his warm walls made him shiver.  
But it felt good.

He tried again, summoning up an image of someone that was big. Someone that could take him, could rail him how he liked.  
(Normally, he didn't look at them during it, if they topped him - though there had been exceptions.)  
Someone... Someone muscly. A man with enough heft behind him he could lift Loki up.  
Dark hair. A panic ran through him, but he pretended he didn't feel it and just insisted on this vision having dark hair. And a bit of body hair. And a full dark beard, fuller and fluffier than-  
('Than nobody, Loki,' he chastised himself.)  
A bit of pudge, too.  
Yes. That was someone he'd let fuck him, if they were nice enough and respectful enough and funny enough. Even if they were a bit of an idiot. He'd learn to enjoy that.

He pulled the quartz out again, having warmed it a little inside of him, and thrust it in at the same time as he bid his vision to do the same.

That was it. That was what he needed.  
He fucked himself in time with the illusion, enjoying his faux-partner's muscles, and the imagined strength behind them. How heavy he would be on top of him, if he were real. How he could pin Loki down and squeeze the breath out of him and make him beg.

And as he got close, he shut his eyes, and pretended the illusion wasn't flickering, pretended that if someone walked in, they wouldn't see this man's body changing shape a little and they wouldn't see his hair lightening, his beard shortening-  
Loki, of course, didn't let himself pull back and imagine the full picture. Didn't let himself focus on anything but the details, didn't let more than one part of this vision change at a time, but...

He came, gasping and crying out, and there were no names uttered, no.  
But there was one on his mind, bubbling to the surface.

Pulling out the quartz with a wince, aware he'd gone too hard, aware of what he'd really gotten off to, despite how deeply in denial about it he was... He wiped it clean and quickly shoved it back in the drawer.

His illusion was already gone, and he was glad of that. He didn't want to look at it again.

And he would have sworn blind, should anyone have asked, that the long bath he took afterwards was nothing to do with cleansing the sins he felt weighing him down, but purely for relaxation. Because what better way to spend an evening? An orgasm, then a long, bubbly bath with a glass or 4 of wine? Bliss!

Bliss.


	32. What Is Unseen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary:- Frigga speaks with Heimdall.

Frigga suspected, because how could she not?  
She paid attention to her sons. They'd spent a century fighting, Loki especially self-destructing - Thor, less so, but he wasn't in a good place.  
And she tried to talk to them - but Thor, bless him, didn't understand what was going on.  
Loki clearly did, and he wasn't about to talk about it. Even when she caused a fuss, it only served to push him further away, it seemed.

And then suddenly, they were okay again. No obvious reason. No discussion she knew of.  
They were friendly again.  
She did wonder if it was just regular friendliness - that it only seemed like they were closer because they'd spent so long at one anothers' throats.  
But no. No, there was something different.  
Like they were both lovestruck. Like they were both keeping secrets. Like, even when they did fight, there was something bubbling under the surface, some kind of mutual acknowledgement that this wouldn't last forever.  
And it didn't. No argument seemed to last more than a few days, at most.

Maybe it didn't seem apparent to outsiders, but she knew her sons. She knew them well.

She didn't know what to make of it. If she was right... Well. She knew they weren't blood, so... It wasn't as if Loki could get pregnant, either, so where was the risk?  
But then again, they'd been raised together. Wasn't that strange? Or did they know, on some subconscious level, did they feel the truth inside of themselves?

It kept her awake at night.

Odin, thankfully... As insightful and wise as he was in many regards, he was never very intelligent when it came to his own children.  
(Any of them.)  
She hoped it remained that way for as long as possible. She didn't much look forward to his reaction should he find this out.

She visited Heimdall, once.

"I know I cannot ask you directly what anyone of this realm is doing."

"It would be a gross invasion of privacy. I only inform you of matters which concern the safety of Asgard."

"And what of the safety of my sons?"

"...That, also."

"So. It wouldn't be asking what he's doing if I asked how often Loki disappears from your view."

"It wouldn't, no."

"Well?"

"Often enough."

"Regularly?"

"Yes."

"And does Thor disappear along with him?"

"...Not always."

"But sometimes."

"Yes."

She paused, looking out into space instead of meeting Heimdall's eye. Not that it really mattered.

"Do you have to avert your gaze with them, sometimes?"

"I avert my gaze from everyone when it seems they need privacy. They are not exempt from that."

"You know what I'm asking."

"I do."

"Then does that mean my suspicions are well-founded?"

"You haven't voiced them, Frigga. And if you did, I would decline to answer either affirmative or negative. That would be an invasion of privacy."

"...Are they happier, now?"

"That would be something you could feasibly ask them yourself, would it not?"

"I wouldn't want them to know that I suspect them. I wouldn't want them to lie to me."

"And this is not dishonesty? Asking behind their backs?"

"Perhaps. But it is born of desperation."

"I will tell you this much, Frigga; they are neither unhappy nor unsafe."

She remained silent a while, before saying, simply, "Thank you, Heimdall."  
And she left.


	33. Another's Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Asgard Lineage Swap; Jotun Thor; Aesir Loki; Angst; Thighfucking; Blowjobs; Amnesia; Odin's A+ Parenting; Comics and MCU mashed up together in a horrid stew  
Summary:- Thor discovers that he is not Odin's child. And things go downhill terribly quickly after that.
> 
> (I'm sorry, I usually try to give my angst a happy ending but uhhhh)

The day we stormed Jotunheim, you charged forth with such ferocity it was almost terrifying.  
And when you were gripped by a giant, and your arm turned blue, you fell back with such speed I thought you had been wounded.  
Not physically, perhaps.

You retreated, but the damage was done. And you did not hesitate to call on our father.  
My father.  
And Odin told you everything, with a calmness, you told me, so sure he was right to do what he did - to take you as a babe and call you his son.  
(And you ran before you could face punishment for what you did to Jotunheim. You ran straight to me.)

It didn't sound like a problem to me. I laughed when you told me.  
Of course you were the adopted one. You were all brute force and ignorance. Our father is sharp and clever, and our mother is a talented witch. Of course you're not theirs. Of course you're a giant. A barbarian. I'd been saying so for years, but now it made _sense_.

But then you began to weep and that was not what I expected from you. I expected fists flying and blood spilling.  
And when I asked, "Why do you cry?"  
You admitted, through tears, "I don't care that they're not my parents - I care that you're not my brother."

And I panicked. Because that didn't feel true.  
And I told you, "well if you're not my brother, I'm free to do this," and I kissed you, because it made sense at the time. I think I was trying to prove that you'd still be disgusted by it. I think I was trying to say that we _were_ still brothers.  
But a second dragged out and lingered far longer than it ought to have, and I thought my meaning had been missed. Misinterpreted.  
I began to explain, "I mean- Thor. You're still--"

But you interrupted me, knocked the air from my chest and pinned me to the floor, and it felt like you were trying to crawl inside my skin the way you kissed me, bit me, ran your hands up and down my body trying to find any opening in my clothing to reach into my skin.  
And when you found your way to unbuckle my leathers, you yanked them from my legs, and you kissed my thighs, and you didn't ask but I didn't stop you. Your hands hesitated as your thumbs hooked into my underwear, and you looked up at me, and I nodded.

The heat of your breath over my cock, and the shake of your hands as you dug your thumbs into the muscle of my legs, I'm sure, would have gotten anyone ready for you.

You pushed my legs together, spat on your palm and wetted your cock, and pushed between my thighs, which I did not expect.  
In my surprise at how pleasant it felt, the hot drag of your cock against mine, I gasped out, "brother," and you snarled, pushed my thighs back so far you damn near folded me in half, and pressed a kiss to my face, sloppy and possessive, growling "mine" against my skin.

And when you spilled against my stomach, you knelt between my legs and sucked your come clean from my cock, and you kept going til I grabbed your hair in a desperate fist and cried out your name and spilled my own seed down your throat.

And you swallowed it all, and pressed a soft kiss to my stomach.

And I had to ask, "so are we still brothers after all? Or is it preferable for us not to be?"

You intertwined your fingers with mine, and whispered, "I want to be your brother."

"Even after this?"

"Especially after this."

"Then we are," I swore.  
And I'll always remember the smile you had for a brief moment before the door handle turned, and our father's wrath descended upon us.  
And I'll always remember the frantic effort to dress and clean ourselves, though we both knew it was too late.  
And I'll always remember the anger and disappointment in his eyes as he cast us to Midgard, separating us by continents.

But you won't.  
Because you believe yourself to be a mortal, and a doctor now.  
"Donald Blake," you smiled and said as introduction when I next saw your face.  
The name doesn't suit you. None of it suits you. Not the profession - you're a fighter, not a healer. Not the limp. Not the humbleness you gain, day after day. You're unrecognisable as the brute I realised too late I loved.

But at least I found you. And I watch. And I keep my mouth shut as I befriend you. And I wait for any hint that you might remember me. And I lie about how far I travelled to find you again.  
And I smile as you tell me of the new love in your life. And I try not to lay a finger on her, try not to harm her and sour your opinion of me. Try to be satisfied with you treating me as a friend. Try not to let the pain show on my face as you tell me I'm like the brother you never had.

I try to believe that our father will let you remember some day. I try to understand why he's cursed me with the ability to remember every second of being a god, and blessed you with sweet ignorance.  
Maybe he wants me to forget about you so he can abandon you on Midgard.  
But I'd rather live out the rest of my wretched life here, beside you, than go home alone.

Maybe that makes me the real fool, after all.


	34. Things I Love About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Dialogue heavy; Fluff; Established Relationship; an apology for the last chapter  
Summary:- Thor asks what Loki sees in him.

Loki was nearly asleep when Thor quietly spoke his name.

"Hm?"

"What is it that you see in me?"

Loki cracked open an eyelid just enough to fix him with a look. "Don't be so vain," he scolded.

"I'm not. I'm honestly curious, because the things that others report finding attractive about me don't seem to be the sort of things you're interested in. Actually, it seems like a lot of the things other people like about me infuriate you. I assume this isn't merely shallow attraction, of course..."

"Obviously not," Loki scoffed.

"Then what? Because when I come to think of it, I don't really seem like your type."

"I don't have a type."

"Well, that's objectively untrue, at least in a physical sense."

Loki pinched Thor's arm. He sighed deeply. "I fear talking candidly about this sort of thing is one area where I do struggle with words."

"I'm aware of that. You don't have to look at me as you do it, if that helps."

Loki buried his face in Thor's shoulder.  
"I don't think it's going to help."

"Then just take your time. You could write it down for me if that helps?"

"And leave a physical record of this?" He tutted. "Of course not."

And they lapsed into silence, Thor not daring to prompt his brother in case he clammed up entirely.  
It took a while. But when Loki finally spoke, it was soft, quiet.

"The parts of you that others like are definitely part of it, and that is part of why they're infuriating. I like that you're strong, and powerful, and conventionally attractive. I like that you're kind even when I can't understand how you manage it so often. I like seeing you covered in the blood of our enemies as much as I like seeing you surrounded by people thankful that you've brought them peace after the battle.  
"And I may be... less than kind about your academic abilities when compared to mine, but in truth, you're far more mentally capable than people give you credit for."  
Thor chose not to point out that pretty much the only one who wasn't giving him credit for his academic abilities was Loki - he knew he wasn't as talented in that area as him, but he still had a pretty solid grasp of most subjects.  
"So... You're good to talk to, especially when you keep your temper on matters."

Loki paused for an excruciatingly long moment, leaving Thor in a limbo, as he clearly hadn't finished speaking but didn't continue.

"Is that-" Thor began, but Loki cut him off.

"Of course that's not it."

"Then what else?"

"That's even trickier to explain."  
The pause continued, and Thor hoped Loki would spit it out before sleep came for him.  
But eventually, the words came pouring out.

"The thing is... I struggle with being close to others. I can talk, easily. I can offer anecdotes, and I can make people laugh. I can make people like me. But the thought of letting someone get close to me when I don't know their intentions? Running the risk of telling them something deeply personal, and them then using it as leverage to hurt me, or blackmail me? Smear my name? That's paralysingly terrifying. Anyone who's ever gotten close I've had to push away because every part of me is screaming 'run, because this is dangerous.'  
"But not you. Because you already know most of my secrets, and you can't get rid of me. You'll always be my brother. You could decide tomorrow that you're sick of me but you'd still be my brother. And short of leaving Asgard entirely, you couldn't get away from me. Even if you tried, you'd have to find some excuse to tell our parents why.  
"And despite all the things I've tried to push even you away, each of them far worse than anything I've done to any other person combined... You're still here. I push you and push you and you pull me back with equal force, or harder."

He took in a deep, shuddering breath before continuing.  
"You're the only person I can imagine ever managing to put up with me when I'm at my most difficult. And I do have the insight and awareness to realise that I can be difficult, even if I won't admit to it while there's light in the sky."

"And besides all that... Everyone else who's tried to get close? I suspect they've been using me to elevate their station. They want to be seen with Loki, prince of Asgard, god of mischief. Not Loki, the Asgardian, not who I actually am. They see my title, and they see what they can gain from my favour. Don't get me wrong; I admire that tenacity and cunning. But I don't want it in a partner.  
"So, you see... It has to be you, because you're the only one that's ever shown me a love that feels genuine. You're my only equal. You're the only one that's seen me push you away and not thought, 'I don't want to deal with that', or, 'he's not worth the effort'. You're the only one that knows so much about me and even if you were minded to hurt me with my secrets, you couldn't without hurting your own reputation. So, I love you because you're safe, and because you love me."

Thor cupped Loki's face, pulled it out of its hiding spot in his neck so he could look at Loki as best he could in the limited moonlight creeping through the curtains.  
"Loki. I love you. I adore you. But I'm not the only one capable of loving you the way you need loved. There are others out there with good hearts and intentions who could treat you every bit as well as I do."

"Am I meant to feel reassured by this? Because it sounds like you're trying to say you don't want to do this any more and after I've told you all of that that seems outlandishly cruel for you-"

"Loki. Stop. I want to be with you."

"Then why would you-"

"Shh. Can you listen to me?"

Loki nodded, a small jerky movement that would barely have counted outside of the context, and audibly attempted to regulate his breathing.

"I'm telling you this because I want you to know that you're not so difficult that I am the only person in all the realms capable of loving you. But I do want to be the only one to do so.  
"But I also want to know that I'm doing enough that, if you were to find someone else who loved you properly, you wouldn't drop me like a lead weight. I want to know what I can do to make you so happy that even if all those issues were to be resolved, even if you found a sea of people who treated you right and wouldn't, couldn't hurt you with your secrets; who not only could deal with you at your worst but wanted to just as I do; who did all this and were smart, and strong, and attractive, and kind - I want to know what I can do to make you still want to choose me."

He could feel Thor shaking slightly, but only slightly.  
And he tried to imagine this person Thor described, because people, plural, who fit that bill seemed even more absurd than just one.  
He tried to picture someone with the perfect body for him. Tried to picture their smile. Tried to picture himself at ease with them. Tried to picture them lying in bed with him, and having this exact conversation.

He couldn't.  
It was just Thor. Even if he pretended there was someone with another face, another soul, another consciousness, and Thor's exact actions, it repulsed him. His stomach churned at the thought of anyone else asking this of him. At the thought of having told anyone else everything he'd just said. At displaying such an extreme weakness in front of any other living soul in the universe.

"There's nothing you can do. You're already doing everything you need to by just... being you."

"But if someone else-"

"It doesn't matter if someone else came along and did everything you've done up to this point. It wouldn't matter. It would mean nothing to me. Because I already love you. And even if I'm wrong and there are others out there who could do the same without hurting or disappointing me, you went ahead and loved me even when I didn't think that was possible. And besides; none of them are my brother. None of them can replace that. None of them can catch up on the centuries we've spent growing up together.  
"So you don't need to do anything. You've already done everything. Just. Keep doing it."

Thor pulled him close and kissed his forehead, knowing nothing he added to this conversation would be beneficial for either of them, except for a whispered, "I love you too," as much a promise as a declaration of truth.

After several minutes of lying in silence, Loki added, "You realise you have to tell me all the things you love about me, now, of course? Because that was excruciating."

Thor laughed a little. "Tomorrow. I promise."


	35. Caught Not Cheating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Fluff; Not-Infidelity; Magic  
Summary:- Thor thinks Loki is cheating. And he's wrong, but he can't remember why he knows he's wrong.

Thor wasn't prone to suspicion and jealousy, generally.  
But Loki had been avoiding him. Loki had been sneaking around. And Loki had been seen with other people.  
And Thor was not prepared to share.

He wasn't wholly sure if he was more inclined to fight whoever dared fuck his brother behind his back, or if he wanted to hurt Loki for it - but he wanted someone to hurt.

(He knew he really should be angry at Loki for it. He knew that was the sensible thing. Loki was the one who had agreed to be faithful to Thor, after all.)  
(But he found it hard to be as angry with him as he should be. More than anything, he wanted to rip this other person limb from limb for touching his property.)  
(He figured he'd deal with that when he finally got the opportunity to catch them in the act.)

But when that opportunity arose, he barged in and--

And lost an hour of his life. When he came to, he was in his room, and the only thing he could remember was the knowledge that Loki wasn't cheating.  
But nothing of what Loki _was_ doing. Which was also kind of concerning.

When he asked Loki about it, Loki simply said, with no room in his tone for argument or negotiation, "You said at the time you were happy to accept me wiping your memory until it was time for the surprise to be revealed. And while I know you don't remember agreeing to that, you did, so you have to trust yourself more than you trust me."

It vexed Thor. And Loki remained cool and calm in the face of Thor's frustrations and complaints, never once budging from his position on the matter.

For the next few weeks, it was a cycle of Thor begging, and Loki rebuffing him, over and over and over and-  
Eventually, Loki snapped, and threatened to give up on the surprise if Thor didn't quit asking. And Thor finally began to develop the art of delayed gratification out of sheer desperation to know _eventually_.

He hadn't forgotten, though he had almost given up, when Loki invited him on a ride out past the plains, the two of them side by side on horseback up to the highest point, overseeing the countryside, the vast expanse of the kingdom.  
And Loki motioned Thor to dismount, so they stood there together, side by side, hand in hand.

Loki turned to Thor, and kissed his cheek, and as he began to kneel, and reach into his pocket, Thor was bombarded with an hour's worth of memory in a split-second.

_"Loki," he had growled, throwing the door open, expecting to find his brother spread out on some bastard's cock, or balls-deep in some wretched woman, and had seen neither of those things.  
He had seen Loki standing with some young man, looking at a velvet-lined tray full of rings and jewels, but his expression was just as distraught as if he **had** been caught cheating._

_"Thor?" he asked, stepping away from the tray. "What's wrong?"_

_Thor stilled and let Loki wrap his fingers around Thor's wrist.  
"Who is this?"_

_Loki worried at his lip. "This is a jeweller. We've been... We've been working on something. For you."  
He looked up at Thor, and let out a heavy sigh, though it was more sad than exasperated. "You suspected me of cheating, didn't you?"_

_Thor nodded once._

_And then they fell over themselves to apologise to one another.  
"I'm sorry, I thought--"  
"I know I've been sneaking around, I didn't think how it would look-"_

_They both stopped, and calmed.  
Thor asked, "I've ruined it, haven't I?"_

_"Well. I suppose you can imagine why I'm getting you a ring. It was meant for our anniversary, though I was going to give you it a little early."_

_"I'm-- oh, Loki. I'm so sorry."_

_Loki shushed him, and turned to the jeweller, quietly dismissed him, agreeing to meet back up with him later that evening.  
"Listen," Loki whispered as the door clicked shut, leaving them alone in the room. "I get it. I've not given you a lot of reasons to trust me, in the past. But I really do love you. That's why I want to do this. Even if we can't gain our father's approval- well. He won't be around forever. And once he's gone, and one of us is on the throne, we can make our own rules. We can rule side by side that way. As equals."  
He lifted Thor's hand to kiss each of his knuckles.  
"I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to be the person you believe I can be. I'm trying to be worthy of sharing that title with you. Can you keep believing in me?"_

_Thor pulled him into a rib-crushingly tight hug, and kissed the crown of his head.  
"I believe in you, Loki. I'm sorry I doubted you. And I'm sorry I ruined your surprise. Please, tell me how I can make it up to you."_

_They devised the plan then - for Thor to allow Loki to wipe his memories of the conversation, (a spell that only works effectively when consented to), save for the knowledge that Loki wasn't cheating, and for the rest of them to return when the question was finally asked._

And return they did, as Loki asked, "Thor, will you marry me?"

They both knew what Thor's answer was before he even bent down to pick Loki up in his arms, kissing him and whispering, "yes, Loki, you know I will. I love you so much."


	36. Selkie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Alternate Myth AU; Selkie Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's had a mad week that's barely involved a laptop except for working on it? Yeah sorry I'll post catchup now

Loki and Thor were raised beside the sea, and they never once questioned that they were brothers.  
Until, one night, Thor found a seal skin, stowed away on a high shelf in a cupboard they barely used.

He asked Frigga what it was, and in hushed tones, she explained, trying to stow it back in the cupboard as quickly as possible.  
"He was only a baby," she told him. "He would have died on the beach if we hadn't taken him in. If we'd just floated him back out to sea, you would be an only child."  
And it made sense, then - why Loki always rushed to the sea, even when it was so bitterly cold the rest of the family couldn't stand it. Why he stared wistfully out to the water, day after week after month after year.

The right thing to do, he knew, was to set Loki free. To let him live the life he was meant to. To return him to the ocean, to find the family he'd been stolen from.  
But the selfish little voice that lived in his heart whispered, "Don't let him go. Never let him go. He's your brother. He's yours."  
And much as Loki belonged to the ocean, that voice was right. Loki belonged to the land, as well.

His conscience won out over his heart, though. And instead of just handing Loki the skin, he told him about it, and he asked.  
But the knowledge didn't seem to comfort Loki. If anything, he seemed even more lost. He confessed to Thor, "if the sea is where I belong, then I want to know it. But I remember nothing; I don't know if I'll survive."  
But Thor assured him that it didn't have to be a clear-cut black and white option. He promised to help him, if Loki promised not to disappear forever - promised to be there to welcome him home when he needed some time away from the water.  
And Loki promised to always remember his land family.

So he took his skin, and swam back out, at ease as a creature he'd not been since he was too young to remember.  
Thor watched him go until he saw nothing, and then he kept watching. Kept waiting. Just in case.  
When night fell, he finally returned home, without his brother or his seal-skin, and Frigga understood, but Odin was furious. He yelled at his son for letting Loki go, but Thor stood his ground. He reminded Odin Loki may still have other parents - parents who missed him. He reminded him that Loki had a right to try and find them.  
And Odin stands firm that if his other parents cared that much, they would have found him already.  
Thor isn't sure what to think about that. But he is a stubborn boy, and he held his head high, and stood his ground.

But he worried, when nobody was looking. Worried he'd been lost to undertow. Worried he'd met a nasty end with a far larger beast. Worried he'd found his missing family and he didn't plan on coming back - or that they were so angry at being separated from their son that they prevented Loki from ever coming back to the surface.  
He worried so much it made him sick. But he didn't speak a word of that worry to his parents - didn't want to admit his fears that he'd done the wrong thing.

And he worried until Loki knocked on Thor's bedroom window, late one night, dripping wet and shivering slightly, holding his own skin in his arms.  
Thor let him in through the window and pulled him into the tightest embrace, not giving a damn about how damp his clothes now were. Thor rubbed him dry and hauled him into bed, and listened to Loki's tales of the sea. How beautiful it was down there - how free it was to swim underwater for far longer than he could usually. How he met other Selkies who welcomed him, and who tried to find his family with him, though they were so far unsuccessful. How they felt like another family already anyway.  
He spoke so much that Thor knew he'd made the right decision, though it hurt his heart to believe that Loki was happier out there.  
At least, it did, until Loki stopped, took a breath, and went quiet for a few moments.

And when he spoke again, he admitted, "It really is wonderful out there. And I can't thank you enough for letting me go. But Thor? It's so lonely out there without you. I wish I could bring you. I don't think I can ever give up the land if it means being away from you for this long."

So Thor held him close, and kissed his forehead, and promised again that he'd always be right here, waiting on Loki's return.  
But for that night, he didn't need to worry about Loki leaving. He just had to worry about keeping Loki warm, and safe, and loved.  
And those were things he could do.


	37. One Day, You Understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Second person POV; Exploration of Loki's feelings; angst

When you are a child, you see no reason to question yourself.  
Of course you love Thor. Of course you terrorise Thor. Of course you want his attention. His approval.  
Of course you do. He's your brother.  
It is as simple as that.

When you are an adolescent, you lack the insight to question yourself.  
You do cruel things to him because he is better than you and you don't like that. You do cruel things to him because you don't have his attention and you don't like that.  
You don't ask why you don't like that. You just don't.

When you are a young adult, you begin to get the creeping fear.  
Fear that he will leave.  
Fear that he will like other people better than he likes you.  
Fear that you will be left behind.  
...  
Fear that there is something abnormal about the way you crave his attention and approval.  
And fear of what you'd do if he truly gave you the attention and approval you so craved.  
Oh, he gave you some, yes. But it wasn't enough.  
And you are afraid of what 'enough' would look like.  
(You never let yourself dig deep enough to find answers. But sometimes, shadows of answers come swimming to the surface, when he grabs you, or gets too close, or shows someone else a level of affection that makes your envious heart grow fangs and cry out for blood that isn't yours. And those times? Those times you run from the water's edge.)

And then you are an older adult.  
And you recognise some patterns.  
And you are aware that 'denial' is a thing and you have never even allowed the train of thought to connect enough, never allowed it to be a full sentence that has crossed your mind. But the pieces are still all there, and they want to join up just as much as you don't want them to.

You are an adult when you sit up in your bed, alone at night, and it fully hits you that you are in love with your brother.  
And you feel ill. And your fingers and toes are numb even though it is not cold. And you're dizzy, and you're unable to formulate a complete argument against yourself.

It's true. And you've spent a good few hundred years trying to pretend it isn't.

There is no dramatic revelation. There is nothing to be done.  
You just sit alone in your bed, with the weight of the words, finally fully formulated in your head, and the weight you had been pretending you hadn't been carrying doesn't lift, but it shifts, shifts enough you're aware of just how heavy it actually is, and how long it's been breaking your back.

It doesn't make sense. But in its light, everything _else_ suddenly makes sense.  
But why would you be in love with your _brother_? He's your brother, for a start - and beyond that, he makes you feel like nothing in comparison. He's a thorn in your side. He's the shadow you live in.  
(Of course you are in love with him. You've looked at him - everyone's looked at him. It feels awful to know that you don't compare to him, but the next best thing is to be close to him, right? To be valued by him?)

It doesn't kill the resentment. Nothing can, it seems like - you wish he was just a bit more flawed. A bit less perfect. A bit less praised and adored and worshipped-  
(because that's your job-)  
and you wish that you were recognised, measured up against your own worth, not always held up against his.  
If anything, actually, it makes it worse.  
Are you so broken that you really are in love with your flesh and blood? He isn't, of course. He cares for you, yes, but a normal amount. The amount brothers are supposed to care for each other.  
No. No, he's too perfect to ever carry a secret that heavy. That... revolting, because he would be, wouldn't he? Revolted.

He would never love you.  
He would never... Never even consider it.

Your chest aches.  
Can your heart break if the love was never reciprocated? It seems like it, certainly.

He notices your melancholy.  
He doesn't push too hard when you tell him he wouldn't understand. Tells you he's always there if you feel like telling him.  
You laugh bitterly. He doesn't get the joke.  
(The joke is you. So no, he doesn't get it.)

You do not allow yourself fantasies, of any kind. Not of sex. Not of romance. Not even of gently rebuked confessions.  
No. That's a lie. Sometimes, you fantasise he finds out, and in a rage, kills you. And that's how you're freed of this pain - by his hand.

It's the only way you really want to go.

And he thinks you're cold. He wonders to you what happened that drove a wedge between you, because he can't see. He can't understand. To him, it seems like one month, all was well, and then it wasn't. He asks if he's done something wrong. He asks if he's hurt, or offended you.  
You snap at him, undeserving, really, and he backs off.  
Assumes you're happier without him.

You're not. But it doesn't hurt as much - the less you see him, the more you can pretend you're normal.  
And when he thinks you hate him, it's for the best, because then you don't have to see or hear about the people he has flings with.  
And you can pretend that the people you fuck aren't cheap imitations of him. Replicas.  
You can pretend you just don't _do_ love, don't do closeness.  
You can pretend it's him. You can pretend you hate him. You can pretend it's his fault.  
Not yours.  
Just like he's not yours.


	38. Scent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Scent Kink; Vaguely Post-Avengers-1 Based; But Not TDW Compliant; Established Relationship; Imprisoned Loki; I write these tags like most of this is actually explored in the fic but no, it's not, sorry - this is just Loki being emo and sniffing Thor's clothes

While Thor was gone, what Loki missed most was the smell of him. Well, no, that wasn't true - what he missed most changed from moment to moment depending on what Loki could latch onto and make himself the most miserable about at any given time. But he smelled Thor when he buried his face into his pillow, and decided, in that moment, what he missed most was the smell of him.  
Not the stench of him after a workout, or a fight, although that had some appeal too, he supposed. Especially when they were both pumped full of adrenaline - especially when he knew he smelt as sharp as Thor did.  
No, what he really missed was... There was a base smell, once he had bathed, scrubbed the sweat from his skin. Especially when all he washed with was water, when he didn't use any scents (which was rare - he only usually bothered with them when there was occasion to really put on the royal airs and graces) - some smell that probably didn't have a definable name.  
It was just Thor.

While Loki was still permitted some free range of the palace, he had sneaked his way into Thor's bedroom and left with one of his robes. It had been laundered, yes, but being in his closet with all of his other clothes meant the scent still lingered, if he buried his face in it.  
Well. It started with one.  
The collection grew as Thor's scent steadily faded.

And then there were the shirts Thor had left behind in Loki's room. Loki swore blind he had no idea where they were.  
They were unceremoniously stuffed into a drawer, except when Loki slept in them, sometimes.  
It astounded him that they were left in there, untouched, for the entire time he was gone.

(Nobody had touched his room, so far as he could tell. Was it sadness? Or was it disgust? Refusal to touch the things of someone who had disgraced them so?)  
(...Probably sadness. He elected to believe that. For Thor, at least.)

And now Thor was back. And he brought his scent with him.  
But he wasn't by Loki's side forever, as much as he wanted him to be.  
So he kept stealing.

It's not as if Thor was incapable of buying more clothes. He's a prince. He has money.

...Loki would admit to it and return some of them some day. Probably when they all lost their scent. But not now. Not yet.


	39. Joined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- first person POV; Loki POV  
Summary:- It is what it is

We were born apart, but we were raised together, and that's what matters to me.  
You are my brother, my love, and that doesn't change as I ask this.

I have faced life without you. I have, and if I'm perfectly frank with you, it was horrid. There were fun times, granted - but when we're together? It's easy. I don't have to put on a façade. Because you already know me. You know parts of me that even I have a shaky grasp on.  
And I have loved others. I have, and if I'm honest with you, they were disappointing. There were good parts, I admit - but you? You're so easy to love, and you give love in return, freely, openly, selflessly. I didn't even think it was in me to return that kind of love.  
And I have done you wrong. I have, and you know it as well as I do. I am sorry. I will be sorry for the rest of my life, though, I hope, the good times will outweigh the wretched in time. But you, so forgiving, ready to give me not just a second chance, but a thousand more.

What have I done to deserve you?

Not enough, I know.

But I'm trying to.

And I want to be around to deserve you. Forever, if you'll let me. I know you'll always be my brother, despite what we now know about our bloodlines never meeting. I know I already have that. But I didn't earn that.  
So I want to know if you would take my hand. Be my husband, too.


	40. What do you think you know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Fortune telling; unconfessed feelings

There was a psychic in the inn where Loki stayed overnight with his brother and his friends, tired after a long hunt, but they were drinking and they were laughing and they goaded him on to get his fortune told.

(Loki knew fortune tellers can be real, but most who have real talent are employed in legitimate work. Not trying to trap drunkards in some run-down old pub.)

But offering her a handful of gold to humour himself? That seemed like a good idea.

She refused the gold.  
"Pay me once you've listened, boy," was all she said, and he hadn't been called 'boy' since he was a child.  
She beckoned him to follow, and two of his friends sniggered as he did, the rest of them too drunk and distracted to even notice.

(He followed. If she pulled anything, he trusted them to deal with her. It would be easy. She didn't have any real muscle on her. Hardly any fat. Any one of them could snap her in half without a thought; he could even bind her in a flash, or stab her in the gut if she dared think about it.)

Once out of earshot, she whispered, "Love is in your near future," and Loki laughed in her face, any concerns about her potential as a threat evaporated in an instant.  
Love? Really? _Him_?!  
A hack, clearly. He began to leave without paying when she lightly wrapped her fingers around his wrist, and when he looked back, she fixed him with a firm stare.  
He would suspect witchcraft was what held him in place, if he didn't doubt her abilities.  
"But it's not just in your future, is it? No. It's always been right by your side. Even tonight." Her face didn't change, eyes blank, staring right through him.  
Staring through him to the table he'd just left.  
He froze.  
He wanted to ask, 'what do you think you know?' but her features finally shifted slightly, into a small smile, and she whispered, "Oh, you already understand, don't you? Good, good. Saves me the trouble of convincing you."

She let go of his wrist and his heart thumped in his chest.  
"What do you think you know?" he finally gasped out, but she kept walking, walking, and he didn't realise he hadn't paid her 'til she walked right out the door.

He finally pulled his feet from the floor, and followed her, repeating, "What do you think you know?" but once he got outside she was gone.

The inn was alone in the middle of a clearing.  
There was nowhere for her to hide. He ran a circuit around the building, searching for her, but she was well and truly gone, disappearing like smoke.

She was gone, and Loki was left with a pocket still heavy with gold and a head freshly heavy with worry.  
_What did she think she knew?_ he wondered to himself one last time, but he knew the answer.


	41. Practise.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Thor POV; first kiss; shapeshifting/intersex Loki; fingering; blowjobs; vaginal penetration; first time sex; feelings confession  
Summary:- Loki is just trying to help Thor be better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guess who's halving it to 50 lifetimes as of now?  
Had to take a big break because life happened so much and now catching up sounds more like a chore than like fun. But just 9 more sounds doable. So I'm aiming for that.

You offer to let me practise, because I'm starting to get noticed.  
You say 'we can practise kissing', and you say it with a tone that I take to understand as you feeling you're offering me a huge favour.  
I take you up on it, and you're so small and lithe I could have pretended you were a girl if that was what I wanted to do, but you shapeshift a little too. You give yourself breasts, and you make your face softer, and you flutter your eyelashes, and it's not you. I know it is, but it's not you. And I don't want to complain, so I say thank you, and you seem annoyed by that.  
But we kiss anyway. And you're my first, and you tell me I'm sloppy, so I guess I'm not yours, but we keep going til it feels good. Til I know just how much I need to open my mouth. Til slipping my tongue between your lips feels normal, and I pretend I'm not hard, though there's no way you haven't noticed. You pretend too. I try to pretend you're not you.

And you dismiss me, telling me I'm good enough now, and I should be able to entertain a girl without embarrassing myself, and you shift back to yourself.  
You look sad. You don't tell me why.

Then, a few years later, you catch me fooling around with some girl with long dark hair and a pointy nose and soft breasts, and she runs off before I can tell you to get out, but you just tell me I really need to get better at touching girls, because she didn't look like she was having fun.  
I thought she was. She kept whimpering.  
You ask if she was wet, and I admit I didn't know because I was doing it through her underwear, and you roll your eyes and inform me that if I'd been doing it right, she would have soaked through them.

You offer to let me practise again. And I take you up on it immediately. And I tell myself it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fact I'm still hard and believe I may have had a chance with the girl that ran if I'd been a bit better.  
You transform again, and you look just like her. It turns my stomach. I ignore that, and I follow your instructions to the letter. You even sound like her as you whimper out my name.  
And I can feel the difference. Can feel you wet against my fingers, and I tell myself it's okay because you don't look like you. Because it's practise. It doesn't count.  
When you come and yell out my name it sounds like you.  
That's the part I think about for the next few months, whenever I'm alone in my room. The sound of my name on your lips.

And I discover boys, too. You discover that I've discovered them soon after that.  
You mention casually, the day after I first sucked a cock, that my technique there doesn't look very good. And this time, I ask you before you can even suggest it.  
You don't shapeshift. You just order me onto my knees, and you talk me through what to do. You teach me a simple spell to guarantee I don't gag. You tell me to swallow as quick as I can afterwards so I don't have to worry about the taste lingering.  
You fuck my mouth. You don't warn me when you come. You don't chastise me for waiting too long to swallow. You don't question it.  
I don't brush my teeth that night so I can keep onto the taste for as long as possible.  
I fall asleep wondering how many cocks you've sucked, and how I can possibly convince you that one of them should be mine. Especially when it doesn't seem like you need practise.

I let myself be sloppy. Try to hook up with people I don't really like, in places that are far too public, in the hopes you'll catch me, and correct me. I don't even try to be good for them.  
Maybe that's not kind on them. But I can't bring myself to care.  
Every time I nearly fuck someone, I end up stopping just shy of actually going through with it. I keep hoping I'll hear your voice.  
I keep disappointing people.

Apparently you hear about that too. Whispers that one of the princes has "issues" in bed, and you slide up to me, arms folded, sneer on your lip.  
Tell me you can't have that kind of rumour flying about. People might think they're talking about you, since they're too concerned with treason to ascribe a name to the offending party.  
I ask what you propose I do, then, and you roll your eyes.  
You tell me you might as well teach me this part, too.  
And I pick you up, throw you over my shoulder, and take you to my bedroom. Spread you out on my mattress. Strip you, kiss your skin, and when you push me back so you can concentrate on transforming into someone more appealing, I interrupt you with a kiss.  
You point out that having to look at your brother during could make this more difficult once your mouth's free again.  
I tell you it won't. I insist it won't.  
And I press my cock against your thigh, and I ask if you want it in your cunt or in your arse, and you slap my arm for being so crude.  
I repeat myself.  
You pause for a moment, and whisper that you want it in your cunt. I oblige immediately.

You feel fantastic, and you hiss, ask what the problem was before, because I'm apparently doing a perfectly good job at this.  
And I tell you that nobody else was you, that was the problem, and you still. Stare at me. And I stop, worrying that I shouldn't have said that.  
But you pull me down, and you kiss me, and you ask me to fuck you harder. And as I do, you still guide me, but you don't tell me 'girls like it when-' or 'boys prefer it if you-' -- you tell me, 'I like it better like this'.

And when I reach between us and rub you, I get to make you come, and I get to keep going. I get to fuck you til I finish. I get to call out your name as I tip over the edge.

I get to have you stay afterwards.

I don't have to fool about with anyone else.


	42. Endowed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- small cock Thor; alcohol misuse; drunk sex; blowjobs; anal; bottom!Thor  
Summary:- Loki walks in on Thor, hungover and half-naked. He learns something he hadn't quite planned on finding out.

It stood to reason to assume that Thor was hung. Everyone assumed as much. Loki didn't think it was weird to assume that too, even if it was thinking about his brother's dick. Like, yeah, sure, if he spent a _ton_ of his free time pondering it that would probably be weird, but it's not like it occupied his every waking second (it _totally_ didn't) - he just sort of figured it was a truth that didn't need questioned.

It wasn't huge the last time he saw it, but that was when they were both pretty young. Asgard wasn't exactly a prudish society when it came to nudity, and he'd seen others naked in casual contexts, particularly when changing in communal facilities, but... Well. Loki and Thor did pretty different training these days, mostly, and when they did spar together, Loki usually called it a day afterwards, while Thor would stay later and keep training on his own for a while after. So he didn't really have a chance.  
And it would be _weird_ to manufacture a chance. Really weird, right? So /obviously/ he wasn't going to do weird stuff. He didn't want to make things weird.

But one morning, there was this meeting that Thor was meant to attend, and he wasn't there, and Odin was starting to get agitated. They only had about, what, 25 minutes before their guests arrived, and he'd asked Thor and Loki to both be there with 45 minutes to spare so they could be appropriately briefed.  
Loki volunteered to help look for him. Partly because he knew exactly where Thor would be, and he knew Thor didn't want just anyone finding his post-alcohol-fueled-bender hiding spot uncovered. Partly because he figured if he got Thor up and sober and functional in time, he'd gain favour both with their father, and with Thor for bailing him out of a major bollocking. It was always nice to have someone owe you.

So he snuck into the hidden alcove above the stables he'd hauled Thor to countless times before, and was greeted with an eyeful of Thor's cock, half-hard across his belly, trousers twisted around his ankles, cum streaked on his shirt. Thor, himself, was snoring loud enough it would have given away his location in an instant if he hadn't already employed Loki to magically soundproof the area.  
And Loki's first thought was, "_Wow. That is nowhere near as big as I assumed it would be._"

Not that he'd put that much thought into it. He really hadn't.

But he did stare at it for a good, solid, what- 30 seconds? 40? Round it up and call it a minute.  
Then Thor's snores stopped briefly before he rolled over slightly, and began afresh, and Loki registered that maybe staring at your brother's cock with your mouth open (and absolutely not watering slightly) probably isn't a great look.  
So he covered his eyes, for show really at this point, and shook Thor by his arm, hissing, "Get up. Thor, wake up."

Thor started upright, hitting his head on the roof of the stable, and wincing. Then he realised the state of him, and the fact Loki was shielding his eyes, and whispered, "Shit, fuck, sorry, sorry," and the rustling of fabric let Loki know it was safe to look again.

"You have to be tidy and sober and in the throne room as soon as possible so our father doesn't explode with rage. I can help you, but you have to co-operate. Will you shut up and do as you're told?"

Groaning and rubbing his head, Thor tried to nod, realised that hurt, and settled on mouthing, "Yeah."

"Okay. Good."  
Without another word, Loki cast a charm on Thor's clothes, cleaned him up enough to be presentable. Any excess hay left on him would have to be picked off as they ran.  
He pulled a potion bottle from his pocket and handed it to Thor, who chugged it without question (and Loki noted that behaviour for future use, in case he needed to poison Thor for poisoning Loki's mind with the image of him spread out like that).

Instead of poisoning him, though, it sobered him up.  
"Right. Okay." Thor blinked slowly, deliberately, and shook his head. "Yeah, I think- I think I'm good to go."

Loki replied with nothing more than a scoff, and they made it to the meeting with only a few minutes to spare. Loki tuned out Odin's briefing. His mind was other places.  
Well. No, it was on one very specific place that was very nearby but absolutely not related to the current task at hand.  
Still. They made it through without incident. Thor loaded up on starchy foods at the meal, which offset any lingering hangover effects, and Loki bluffed his way through out of sheer force of habit.

And when he got free of their esteemed company, he fully expected he'd be allowed to retreat to his chambers and wank himself raw while trying to figure out if he-- no, if anyone else would rather ride Thor's cock even though it was probably only around 5 inches (which, realistically, wasn't exactly tiny - he'd had people around that big before - it's just, he'd... always thought, probably closer to ten, right? About double what he was actually working with), or if a hypothetical other person would prefer to bend over the prince and bugger him silly. Maybe mock him for being so ill-equipped. Would he like that? Or would it make him angry? Would he be more fun in bed if he were angry?  
...purely intellectual curiosity.

But Thor grabbed his shoulder as he turned a corner and held onto Loki.  
"I just wanted to thank you for bailing me out this morning. And to apologise for... for the state you found me in."

Loki's muscles tensed, and he took in a quick breath to steady himself.  
"No need to apologise. Simply return the favour at some point, yes?"

Thor came to face Loki, and smiled, moving his hand to rest on Loki's neck (and oh, how Loki hated that, hated every time Thor pulled such a nasty trick).  
"Of course. Look, if you want, I'd happily spend some time with you this evening to begin making it up to you."

"Really, Thor. I'd rather you bailed me out if you ever found me in a similar situation to yourself. I'm not in need of quality time, though I appreciate the offer."

Thor's smile didn't waver, but he moved to wrap his arm around Loki's shoulder, and began to lead him forward. "Then this won't be payback. Simply a bit of fun on me. Come on - I'll let you try some of the whisky that got me in such a state last night. I still have most of the cask."  
There was no room for negotiation in his tone, which bode dangerously for Loki's plans.

And, right enough, the whisky was delightful. And strong enough that Loki immediately understood exactly why Thor was hopeless that morning after only one glass - highly expected to be in the same state after the fourth.  
And Thor's room was spinning, and Thor's cheeks were red, and Thor's lips were soft.  
And Loki's lips were loose.

It was like sober Loki watched the drunk mess that was piloting his body say, "I didn't think your cock was that small."

Thor's cheeks flushed even brighter, but he didn't look ashamed.  
"Might not be huge, brother, but it definitely does its job, and does it well."

Loki had no idea if that was pride in his voice, or an invitation to find out. Possibly both. Loki's brain was too foggy to be sure.  
But the drunk mess acted without consulting Loki again, and informed him, "Well. Mine's bigger. Finally, I best you at something in the physical realm."

There was definitely a grin on Thor's face, which wasn't how this conversation really was supposed to play out, surely. Maybe Thor should have punched him. Or kicked him out. Or laughed and said something like, 'just because it's bigger doesn't mean you're any use with it'.  
No.  
Instead, he just whispered, "show me."

So Loki did. Half hard was all he could muster with the alcohol, but Thor still looked down reverently as Loki's leggings were kicked off into a puddle on the rug.  
And Thor's hand reached out to grab it, fingers curling around the length, and he whispered again.  
"Beautiful. It's elegant. It suits you."

Loki said nothing, because the drunk mess didn't know how to respond to that. Neither would his sober self, in fairness.  
And even if they'd been beginning to form a though between them, neither of them would have remembered it as Thor fell to his knees and took the whole thing in his mouth in one deft movement.  
Instead, he stood there, hands uselessly by his side, watching his brother bob his head up and down on his cock without having asked. And he wasn't exactly inclined to stop him.

Eventually he realised things might feel more natural if he put his hands on Thor's head, or shoulders. Pressure steadily built in his stomach, and he could feel himself edging closer, though he wasn't entirely sure he'd be able to finish like this.  
He also wasn't sure he wanted to.

"Thor," he gasped out, finally tugging on his brother's hair. "I might come soon. Do you want me to fuck you?"

Thor pulled off just long enough to admit, slightly hoarse, "I thought I might fuck you. Can I?"

Loki tugged on his hair again before he managed to take Loki's cock back in his mouth. "We can- We could do both. I'm close. If you let me fuck you, I won't take long."

It was clear Thor was thinking on this, with his brow scrunched slightly.  
"I've not taken a cock in a good while. Take your time with me."

Loki nodded, hauled him up onto the bed, and dragged his leathers off, pushing his thighs back against his chest, admiring him all spread out like that.  
"Fuck, look at us, Thor," he whispered reverently as he lined both their cocks up against one another. Loki almost had an inch on him at half hardness, and he knew he had another inch when he was fully there, though it was more apparent that Thor's was thicker with them side by side. "I'm going to suck that once I'm done using your arse. I want to know what it tastes like."

Thor let out a needy moan that Loki didn't expect from him, and he took that as his cue to proceed.  
It was never easy trying to slip inside anyone without your dick's full co-operation, especially when the only lube to hand was their own spit - Thor's still wet on Loki's cock, and Loki's spread on his own fingers - but with his thumb as a guide and a bit of determination, Loki forced his way in. Thor whimpered and begged for Loki to go slow, but Loki just leaned in, promised, "I'm close, I won't take long."  
And he didn't. The tight heat, the pressure, the near-painful friction of too-little lube, combined with Loki's own mouth running, whispering to Thor, "I've been thinking about it since this morning. I've been thinking about it for years, you know - always used toys far too big to be comfortable so I'd be ready if you ever decided you wanted me. Turns out I didn't need to bother, right? I've had men bigger than you. I've let them ruin me. Will you fuck me well enough I never need a big, fat cock again? Will you fuck me so good I--"  
And he broke.

Thor kissed his neck and sighed, running his hands through Loki's hair.  
There was a lull, a few quiet moments where neither of them said anything.  
Then Thor broke it, asking, "You still want to know what I taste like?"

"More than anything," was Loki's quiet reply.

He shoved Loki off, winced as he pulled out, and repositioned himself.  
"Go on. If it's so small, you should be able to take it all with ease. I want to feel the back of your throat, Loki."  
He didn't sound angry, but he was issuing a challenge, and Loki knew it.  
Loki never backed away from a challenge from Thor.

He took Thor's cock in his mouth, and relaxed his throat, taking it in steadily and confidently, staring up at Thor defiantly.  
It was nowhere near as easy as he'd thought. Thick as it was, his throat constricted around it, and his eyes watered.  
(He cursed himself. He'd taken cocks longer than this. Thicker, too. It wasn't even totally hard, though it wasn't far off - but it still should have been easier.)  
(But he was drunk and he was trying to prove a point and _he was sucking his brother's cock_ which was a fact that had only really hit him after he'd already came in his brother's arse-)

He managed. It tasted like- well. It didn't taste any worse than any other cock he'd had, nor, especially, much better. But the satisfaction _knowing_ was what really made it so sweet.  
And before Loki could make any plans to move, Thor thrust further in, and began to use Loki's throat like a toy, holding him down, holding him in place.  
It should have made him angry. He expected to feel violated by it.  
He didn't.  
It clicked into place, clearer than any other fuzzy thought in his head - this was where he belonged. This was what he was born to do.  
And he found he didn't even mind much when Thor swore, and Thor's cock throbbed, and Thor's cum spilled into Loki's mouth.

Still. Thor apologised as he pulled Loki off of him.  
"I meant to fuck you, I'm so sorry, I just- you felt so good-"

"Stop," Loki croaked out, raising a hand. He swallowed thickly, clearing his mouth of cum. "Stop talking. Just fuck me later."

Thor laughed, and pressed a sloppy kiss to Loki's chin, only narrowly missing his lips.  
"I will. I promise."

"Better," Loki laughed. "Still gotta prove-"

"I don't, Loki. I know as well as you do you're going to fucking love it."

And Loki rolled his eyes because he knew Thor was right.  
And then he closed his eyes, because the whisky still weighed heavy on his eyelids.  
And then he fell asleep in Thor's arms, because what else was there to do?

The next morning, Thor woke a half-naked Loki with a hangover potion he'd procured from a very sweet healer who didn't question his request for two, and with a breakfast tray.

"Told you I'd make it up to you," Thor joked, but only after Loki had fully downed the little bottle of relief.

"So was that what last night was? Just to get out of owing me a favour?" Loki still winced a little at the light flooding into the room, though it was becoming more bearable with each passing second.

"Well, no, but it was a fortunate side-effect." He sat beside him on the bed. "I do still owe you a good fuck, though, don't I?"

"So that wasn't just the alcohol talking?"

"Far from it, brother."

Loki pointedly took a large bite of the toast Thor had brought (just lightly buttered - either Thor knew him well enough to ask, or the kitchen staff had been informed of his hangover and knew what he wanted well enough by now).  
"Well. I don't see any point in delaying more than necessary. Once I'm done my breakfast, and I've cleaned up a little, you best be ready."

Thor's grin split across his face.


	43. Pokémon Trainers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Image only; Pokémon AU  
Summary:- Nobody said you can't tell a story with images so I'm doing exactly that.


	44. Separated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Adopted Loki; Jotun Loki; raised as brothers; separated; marriage; references to abuse on Jotunheim

Thor and Loki were raised together, told that they were brothers.  
And they believed it. And they loved each other as such.

And when Loki was stolen back by Jotunheim, just a few months shy of the birthday where he'd have joined Thor in coming of age, Thor was told the truth - that Loki had been a Jotun runt. That Odin had snatched him from their world. That he had saved him from death, so that he might act as a bargaining chip. A tool to try and keep peace between the realms.  
Thor was told not to mourn. They were never truly brothers, after all.  
(Frigga understood. Frigga soothed her blood son as she mourned her adopted one. She told him, 'He'll be okay. He'll be safe. He's their prince, even if he is a runt.')  
(Thor didn't know if he really did believe her, but he knew he had to at least pretend he did. For both their sakes.)

Years passed, and passed, and passed, and it became taboo to even speak Loki's name. Thor kept it in his heart like a secret.

When enough years passed that Thor was being moved to marry, he rejected most suitors that even requested an evening of his time. Nobles from within Asgard, well-decorated warriors - perhaps a handful even got him to agree to dinner together, and not even one made it past that.  
Odin contacted other realms, and asked of them to send prospective partners, of which there were many. Those who wanted to marry Thor for his many personal assets were matched for those who wanted to marry him for his status as crown prince.

It bored him. Even those who seemed, perhaps, like they may have been appealing in another context, were suddenly cast in a foul light under this process. He didn't know if they truly wanted him as a person, or if they just wanted to be the spouse of Asgard's next Allfather.

It bored him, until Jotunheim sent a missive.  
Odin's anger echoed off the throne chamber walls, his words resonating down the corridor.  
"How _dare_ they even speak to us after what they did? It's an outrage."

So Thor, naturally, stole the letter, and responded before Odin could.

He caught the party that was sent on the Rainbow Bridge before his father could block them, with a team of his own devising behind him in case things went poorly, and while he hadn't let himself be hopeful, there was still a part of him that was terrified of being disappointed.  
He wasn't.  
The rest of giants had to crouch within the gate when he arrived, but the only one Thor cared to look at did not. His skin matched theirs, now, and his face was covered in a veil, a mockery of the purpose he was sent here for, but Thor knew it was him immediately.

"_Loki_," he breathed out, clutching him by the wrists.  
A guard of theirs held a spear to Thor's throat, and warned him to let go. Not to try anything funny.  
It was the hardest thing Thor ever thought he'd had to do.

Arrangements were made quickly - the giants took back all others suitors bar Loki, to much laughter and ill-disguised mockery. The ones that remained to guard Jotunheim's prince were shadowed by Asgardian warriors, and watched like hawks.  
They returned to the palace, and Odin was furious, though he had to at least appear calm for the sake of ongoing peace.  
Thor didn't care. He simply requested time alone to speak with Loki. It was, begrudgingly, granted.

The moment the doors closed behind them, Thor wrapped his arms around his brother - still cold to the touch, but he couldn't bring himself to care.  
And as soon as he pulled back, he blurted out, "I'm going to marry you. If- if you'll let me, that is. I would like to."

"Thor, you can't-" and though those were the first words he'd heard from Loki in decades, they stung so much to hear that Thor interrupted them.

"I can. I will. I've missed you so much, I don't care what it takes to get you back here. How has life been on Jotunheim? Have they treated you well?"

Loki laughed. They had not.  
When he had been left out to die, he had been expendable. He had been the runt of a litter, and they didn't plan to shame themselves with a weakling like him.  
When he had been stolen back, he had been the last of that litter left. The bigger, stronger ones had all perished, one by one. And Jotunheim found themselves more desperate for _any_ heir than for a strong one.  
And when he had been brought back as a potential bride, he had become expendable again. Laufey had sired another set of children, all far more strong and capable than Loki was, even as they were younger.  
But Loki was still the eldest. And if they didn't get rid of him somehow, the kingdom would fall to him first should Laufey perish.  
Their first plan was to offer him up to Asgard - not as a peace offering, no. As an insult.  
They expected him to be rejected. If he was, their next plan was to offer him as a sacrifice.

Despite Loki's warning that going ahead with this would bring shame upon Asgard, it only served to strengthen Thor's resolve.  
He'd rather bear the burden of shame over marrying a runt from an enemy land that he used to call his brother, than the burden of shame over knowing he'd sent that man to certain death.

And as soon as he declared his intentions, Odin understood why, and he was not best pleased.  
And as soon as the news filtered through to Laufey, tales were told of how long and loudly he cackled. The letter Odin received, with barely concealed mockery, was destroyed quickly, though evidently had been relayed to enough frost giants that the contents filtered through the common people of Asgard. Thor heard snippets of it quoted in the streets as he passed.  
"_'More befitting of the Vanir'_, I think he said?"  
"_'Touching that your prince could so deeply love another man, especially one that he had grown up believing to be his own brother.'_"  
"It said something about, _'loving the weak and infirm so dearly'_."

Thor held his head high. And he did not waver from his course.  
Not when Odin ordered him to call it off, and not bring shame upon their realm.  
Not when the giants requested, as part of the arrangements, for the pair to provide some manner of proof that they consummated the marriage - to prove that it was not simply a political union.  
Not when both sides continued to up their offerings to make the wedding as extravagant as possible, trying to outdo one another.

No. None of it mattered. Because he was speaking with Loki again. Catching up. Getting to know the man his brother had become.  
And when the day came, and they were bound together, the laughter that rippled through the giants and the murmurs of concern from the Asgardians all faded to nothing.  
When he held Loki's hands and looked into his eyes and repeated the words necessary to bring him _home_ \- well. Thor had never been especially skilled at magic, but this felt the closest to it he'd ever accomplished.

That is, it did, until the feast was over, and he stole Loki away to their new chambers, and he did as was required of them.  
And he called Loki 'brother' as he slipped inside of him, as his golden skin met Loki's pale blue, and it felt more right than anything else he'd done with himself. It felt more like magic than any spell he'd ever seen cast. It felt like filling a void in his heart that had been growing for years. It felt like being told secrets that were kept for lifetimes.  
It felt like coming home.


	45. Acting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Actor AU; human AU  
Summary:- Loki tries to understand his role. He already understands it far too well.

It's just a role, Loki tells himself.  
He's an actor. Not a famous one, not yet, but still an actor, even in small student productions.

It's just a role. And he'd take it seriously, and understand the character as deeply as he possibly could.

(Not like he had to really push himself for this one-)

"Thor?" he asked, knocking on his brother's door in their shared apartment.

A noise of acknowledgement, and he opened to find Thor leaning on his desk, head resting heavily on his fist as he stared blankly at a document. Probably homework.

"Um. Are you busy?"

"Technically yes, but not really," Thor groused, and minimised the window, leaning away from the computer and rubbing his eyes. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Kind of. I have a part, and-"

"Congratulations!" Thor interrupted, beaming though he was bleary-eyed.

"Thank you! But I, uh-- I sorta need some help. And it's weird."

"Weird like that end of the world tentacle monster show you didn't get?"

"Oddly, weirder."  
Loki handed Thor the other copy of the script he'd made, and Thor skimmed through 'til he found the part that Loki was watching him for, waiting for his reaction.

"...So. You're playing the brother?"

"I am."

"And you want me to play the sister."

"If you're not uncomfortable with it."

Thor looked up at Loki, thumbing at the edges of the pages.  
"You want me to do all of it with you?"

"Well. I want to understand what's going through my character's head. And I figure, y'know, I'm best tackling that with my own actual sibling."

Thor kept his gaze with Loki, breathing deeply, slowly, clearly thinking over what to say next.  
Loki took the opportunity away from him, snatching the script back.  
"If you don't want to do it, it's fine, you don't have to."

He was halfway out the room before Thor grabbed his shoulder and turned him around.  
"Stop. I'll help. Just. Be patient with me, okay?"

Loki handed the script back silently, and took a seat on Thor's bed.

And without any further preamble, read his first line.  
Thor fell into the rhythm of it easily enough - not with enough weight behind it to truly have a hope on the stage, or on film, Loki thought, but enough that he could work with.

"You can't exactly tell me what to do, you know," Thor carried on in an approximation of a woman's voice. "It's my life. I'm old enough and clever enough to make my own decisions."

And Loki wavered as he responded, "You're clever, and you're old enough, but that doesn't mean he _deserves_ you." He stopped, held up a hand, and took another go at delivering it - this time, with the anger he wanted to have behind it.

"You're my brother, but you behave like a jealous lover. Do you know how strange that is, Tristan?" Thor looked up from the script, sounding uncertain as he continued. "Do you know what it looks like?

And Thor knew it was coming, had read through the script enough to be aware, but that didn't stop Loki's hand from shaking as he grabbed Thor's jaw and leaned in, snarling-  
Then stopped just shy of his lips, resting his forehead against Thor's.

"_Fuck_," he gritted out through his teeth.

"I don't think that's your line," Thor breathed against him.

Loki laughed despite himself. "Would you rather I went ahead with what I was supposed to do?"

"Well. I'd rather you feel confident with this script."

"Of course."

"Maybe it'll be easier with the actual actress," Thor suggested.

"Maybe."

They locked eyes at close quarters, then quickly looked away from one another, pulling back. Loki lay his script down on the bed so it didn't betray how much his hands still shook.

"...Do you want to try again?" Thor asked.

"Yes, but I suspect I'm pushing your comfort levels here. We can stop - I'll just arrange a time to work opposite her. It's fine."

[Thor held Loki's wrist loosely, and asked, "Is it fine? Because you seem stressed."

"Well. Obviously," Loki began, looking anywhere but at Thor. "I don't want to fuck this up for her, and I don't want to make an arse of myself. I also don't want to waste any more of your time, especially because it'll be weird if we keep going, so it's fine that we stop because if we don't stop--"

Thor cut him off by turning his face upwards and planting a firm kiss on his lips.  
It lasted a few beats longer than it took for Loki to realise what was happening, and he reacted by not reacting. Freezing, still as he could, terrified that any other movement could give away the game.

When Thor finally pulled away, he smiled a little and asked, "Well, now we've done that once, do you think you can do it again?"

"I-- Uh."

"...Was that the wrong thing to do?" he asked, smile fading slightly.

"No. No, no, I-- You're fine. I'm sorry. I'm- okay. I'm gonna- I'll head out now, thank you for trying to help, it's-"

Thor's grip on Loki got tighter as he tried to leave.  
"Come on. It's fine. It's for a role. You want to understand this character, right? I'm right here."

Loki caught his breath and counted to ten in his head.  
Okay.  
Fine.

"Okay. Fine."

They went again from the top, and when Loki moved to kiss Thor this time, it still made his stomach lurch, but he managed to press their lips together.  
But Thor didn't push him back and slap him like he was meant to. He wound his fingers in Loki's hair, and he pulled him closer.  
And Loki didn't correct him, slipping his tongue between Thor's lips and tasting what he'd dreamt of for years.

He nearly lost himself, but his phone rang, and they sprang apart as if they'd been caught, as if whoever was ringing could see into their room.  
It was the actress Loki was playing against.

"Hi," he answered, avoiding Thor's gaze again. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," her voice came through, barely loud enough for Thor to hear. "I was wondering if you wanted to meet up and do a run through tomorrow afternoon? If you don't mind being slapped around then, that is," she laughed, and he did too, far more forced, dishonest.

"Absolutely. That sounds great. Text me where you want me to meet you, yeah? I'd take notes now, but I've an awful habit of writing the wrong thing down and getting lost if- yeah, thank you."  
They wrapped up, and hung up, and the silence left behind in the room was stifling. The hum of Thor's computer was there, of course, as were the distant sounds of the city outside, but they just served to remind them that, no, the world wasn't on mute - they just didn't have anything to say after that.

Thor eventually broke it.  
"I'm sorry. I know that wasn't what I was meant to do."

"No, it wasn't."

"Are you angry with me?"

"Oh, fuck no. Absolutely not." Loki leaned in and rested his forehead against Thor's, their breath on each other's skin.

It wasn't exactly like he could outright tell people why he did so well in that film. And the other roles he got from it, that steadily let him climb the ladder - he knew where he really began.  
He couldn't tell anyone else. But he didn't especially care to.  
Thor knew. And he could look after Thor with the money he made.

That was what mattered.


	46. Teenagers Scare The Living Shit Out Of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Human AU; teenagers of unspecified age (I'm imagining they're older but if the ambiguity squicks you, skip it); frot; fighting; mid-00s setting  
Summary:- Loki and Thor are fucking idiots and have a fight over music volume.

"Miserable fucking emo kid," Thor spat as his brother cranked up his Bring Me The Horizon CD to drown out Thor's own reasonably quiet (in his opinion) guitar playing.

They had the house free, with school off and their parents out at work. Thor wanted to just get on with learning this new song so he'd be ready for band practise on Friday evening. Loki, evidently, wanted a fight.

Thor didn't bother knocking. He shoved his brother's door open and was assaulted by the noise in the room.  
If he wasn't already angry enough, he found Loki sitting on his computer, fucking about on Livejournal, with noise cancelling headphones on. Plugged into the computer. Not into the CD player that was causing the issue.

He saw red, and strode across the room to yank the headphones off of Loki's head, and delighted in how badly it fucked up his hair.

"What the FUCK?" Loki yelled at Thor over the cacophony of noise from the stereo, which was Thor's next port of call, popping the top off of it and ripping the still-spinning CD out.

"What do you _mean_ what the fuck?! You're the one blasting shit you don't even fucking like at FULL volume. You're not even listening to it! You're clearly just trying to piss me off! I'm gonna break this god damn thing in _half_ if you don't fucking quit it!"

"You can't fucking talk you big sweaty metalhead prick. If I have to hear you butcher The Smiths one more time I'll kill you in your fucking sleep-"

"I wasn't even playing The Smiths! I was playing one of our own songs, it didn't even _sound_-"

"Oh, who cares, you're so fucking derivative it doesn't even _matter_. You _stole_ them from me anyway-"

"How can I steal a 25 year old band when you're 15 and only discovered them two years ago?!" Thor brandished Loki's CD in front of him like a weapon, paying no heed to the fingerprints he left on the shiny side.

"Because you suddenly started liking them after I did! They're my fucking thing!"

"Oh, you mean like you did after I started listening to The Cure? Posting lyrics all over your sad fucking journal and thinking their self titled album was their first one-"

"I thought that for a couple days you prick, I looked them up after that, and can you even blame me when every other band makes their first album self titled--"

"It's not even about that, Loki, it's about how much of a _hypocrite_ you are--"

"I'm a hypocrite?! You're the one that started making noise then decided to storm into my god damn room and complain about me making noise, like you didn't start it!"

"I WAS PRACTISING GUITAR! I HAD MY AMP AT 4! YOU HAD YOUR CD FULL VOLUME AND YOU'RE LISTENING TO SOMETHING DIFFERENT, YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO DROWN ME OUT!"

"CAN YOU BLAME ME WHEN YOU'RE SO FUCKING BAD AT IT?!"

Thor snapped, and grabbed Loki by the collar of his shirt, pushing him up against the wall.  
"Are you going to stop being a little dickhead, or are we going to actually fight?"

"Fucking try me," Loki snarled, and they both definitely meant to hurt each other, but that energy got lost somewhere along the line, and Thor found his teeth around Loki's lip, Loki's fingers digging into his back, and it wasn't fighting, no, but it was letting off all the energy they'd been working up.  
The BMTH CD got dropped on the carpet, and kicked under the bed on the way to pushing each other towards the mattress. Loki's deft fingers wound their way under Thor's Iron Maiden shirt, twisting the part he knew had 'sex shop' printed on it, the bit he stared at sometimes when he was considering if it was worth pointing it out to dad to get Thor in trouble.

Thor's hands wound up in Loki's hair, pushing it back off his face so he could see Loki's eyes, so he could look his brother in the eye as he pressed his thigh between his legs, and the oppressive smell of stale incense soaking into Loki's unwashed sheets was almost as overwhelming as the feeling of his brother on top of him.

Neither of them undressed, really - the most skin-to-skin contact was between their mouths, and Loki's hands on Thor's soft stomach, and Thor's fingers on Loki's scalp.  
It didn't really matter. Loki rutted against Thor enough that he yelped, and Thor could feel the damp soaking through his jeans.

He didn't miss a beat, rolling Loki onto the mattress, pushing him face-down, and pinned him down, grinding his cock between his brother's asscheeks. He pressed kisses to Loki's shoulders in between bites - never working to bruise, but he knew there would be little red marks that would fade, sure, but he'd still made them.  
Knowing he'd left his mark already caught Thor off-guard, and he came too, hips stuttering mid-thrust.

He rolled off, and they lay beside each other, legs still tangled.

After a few minutes of avoiding looking at each other and getting their breath back, Thor suggested, "do you wanna do the laundry before they get back so they don't figure anything out. And, y'know, so it looks like we co-operated."

"That's maybe the smartest idea you've ever had."

Thor pinched the back of Loki's arm, but got up off the bed, and left, stripped in his own bedroom and got into pyjama pants. Looking down at his ruined underwear, he counted to ten, replaying what had happened, and tried to figure out what he was supposed to say.  
He wasn't sorry. So he wouldn't say sorry.  
It was kind of an accident, though he didn't stop it once he realised what he'd been doing. So he wasn't going to say 'it was an accident'.

No. What he settled on was going back to Loki's room, and offering to help carry some of Loki's largely black pile of miscellaneous clothes, and helping separate them into bundles.  
And what Loki settled on was, once the washer was rumbling, wrapping his arms around Thor's waist and resting his head on his chest.  
And what they both settled on was keeping their volumes down below set levels, even when their parents were out.

Except, of course, when they wanted a fight.


	47. Electricity Is In My Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- electricity play; anal sex  
Summary:- Thor's touch was special

The way Thor's fingertips ghosted over Loki's skin when they fucked would always make him shiver. Barely touching him, but the electric current that crackled between them had long since conditioned Loki's cock to respond, which was inconvenient when he got electric shocks off anything except for Thor, but was otherwise a fantastic thing.  
And when he gripped Loki's thighs, dug his fingers in, and the deep pressure coupled with the thrum of thunder in his muscles - it stung where it made contact, but it felt so damn good as long as Thor held tight, sustained it.  
And when Thor teased, slipping his cock against Loki's, sliding lower and lower, but not quite pushing inside, not quite giving Loki the satisfaction, it would thrum through his stomach, readying him to be taken, to be broken, to be used.  
And despite all that, he felt... he felt _loved_ when Thor's own magic rippled under his skin. To feel it without crying in agony - to have it touch him without marking him for much longer than a few hours, no scars left behind - to have it circle around his wrists like cuffs, like a promise - to have it pulse through his body but avoid his heart, no damage done, no need for anything to burrow its way in there except, maybe, how he felt about his brother.

Thor wanted him. Thor wanted him to feel good. Thor wanted him to feel good when he was with him. Thor wanted him to be safe. Thor wanted him to be his.  
Even if a shock to Loki's heart wasn't dangerous, he didn't need to feel the electricity there to feel touched by it.


	48. A sense of deeper love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Nonbinary Thor; Genderfluid Loki; shapeshifting  
Summary:- Loki never pretended to be a man. Thor did.

Loki never pretended to be a man. Not really. He answered to 'he' and 'sir' and 'prince', and he would let his body rest as whatever shape was comfortable most days.  
But he didn't hide that she was a woman some times, or both others. Neither, mostly - something of their own creation. Something nebulous and fluid, a perfect blend of all the qualities they prized from femininity and masculinity.  
They were open about this. They weren't always respected for it, but they didn't care. They lived their truth, and that was what mattered to them.

Thor, on the other hand - nobody ever questioned Thor's masculinity. With his taut muscles and full beard, he drank and ate and fought and fucked like a man. He looked like a man. He smelled like a man. He behaved like a man.  
Even Loki didn't question it.  
Not until Thor pulled Loki aside one evening, uncharacteristically quiet and reserved.  
"May we speak?"

"I suspect that is less of a request and more of an order, brother."

Instead of laughing and clapping Loki on the back as he usually did when Loki joked like that, Thor's eyes went wide, and he shook his head.  
"No, no, we don't have to if you would prefer not to," he began, and turned to leave.

Loki caught his wrist.  
"Thor. You concern me, now. What is the matter?"

They were alone, and Loki knew that, but Thor still checked around to be sure before he spoke.  
"You aren't always a man."

"Well observed."

"I- Can I ask some questions about that?"

Loki raised an eyebrow. "You've never been curious about my presentation before. Why now?"

"Well. Um. I have, actually. I've wanted to know- to understand? But I didn't want to, uh..."

"To probe? To cause offence? To say the wrong thing?"

"Well. Partly, yes. But also- okay."  
Thor took in a deep breath, closed his eyes, and stopped talking for one, two, three, four deep breaths. Then he opened his eyes again, checked the room quickly once more.  
"I didn't want to upset you. But also, I was afraid to ask too much because... I didn't want you to infer anything I wasn't ready to say for myself yet."

Loki made a concentrated effort to school his features into something resembling indifference.  
"And you're ready to share, now?"

"I believe so."

"Then, feel free."

And despite the invitation, Thor shuffled awkwardly from one foot to the other for a few moments before breathing out, "I'm not a woman but- I don't think I'm entirely a man either. And I don't know who else to talk to about that."

Loki slowly nodded, trying to find space in his mind to unpack that statement.  
"Would you prefer to move somewhere more private to examine this with me?"

Thor whispered "_yes_" before Loki fully finished the sentence, so they moved wordlessly to Thor's chambers, closer to where they were at present.

With the door clicked shut behind them, and firmly locked, Loki waited on Thor to continue.

"Uh. So. I know I can't shapeshift like you can. So I don't know if that changes anything. But, when I'm with other men... I'm comfortable. And I'm comfortable with women. But I just... I don't--" he sighed heavily, exhaling, inhaling, pressing his fingers against his eyes. "I always feel like, 'other' when I'm around them. I'm closer to being myself with the men, but- but it's not quite right."

Loki gently rested a hand on Thor's arm, guided him to sit on one of his armchairs. Loki sat on the floor before him.  
"I have to ask, first - do you feel 'other' because you're a prince interacting with non-royals? Or do you still feel 'other' when we've met royals from other lands?"

"I still feel it around other royalty. They'll speak, and I'll feel... I feel like I have to project my masculinity more just so they don't figure out I'm not quite like them."

Loki hummed, and rubbed circles around Thor's hand with his thumb. "It's interesting. You've always been such an exemplary man, that much of the current manly ideals in the kingdom are based off of you. And yet, you don't even want to be this image you've created for yourself."

Thor visibly cringed. "I know. I'm an idiot. You can just say that instead of being wordsy about it."

"No, if I wanted to call you an idiot, I would have. Can I ask - what would you like yourself to look like, if not this? What would you change?"

Thor stilled, and Loki could see him thinking. He stayed silent, waiting on his brother to respond.  
When he did, it was quiet enough Loki had to lean closer to hear.  
"I like the way my body is, though I don't think I'd mind experiencing what it feels like in a woman's body for a little while. Maybe my features could be a little softer, if anything. I think I mostly just want to be... softer. I like fighting, and I like drinking. But I like gardening. I like animals. I like singing. I like speaking and playing with children. I want to wear things that aren't just practical when I'm not fighting. I would like to try on a dress, sometime."

Loki just smiled.  
"You can do all of that. Even changing your body. I can help with that. We can experiment and see what makes you happiest. We could shave your beard, if you like, too."

"No," Thor shook his head, firm. "No, I like it. I know it's a manly thing, but I like it."

Loki reached up, and ran his thumb down Thor's cheek, rubbing against the hair that grew there. "Then you keep it." His smile was fond, and Thor couldn't help but echo it.  
"Should I still call you Thor? And brother? Or do those not fit you?"

"I think I would prefer to remain Thor. I may still be your brother. As I said - I feel closer to being a man than I do to being a woman. I think I can live with being seen as one by most people, if I can still behave the way I want to be. But if I have to keep up the act much longer, I don't know if I'll even be able to tolerate that."

"Then we figure out how best for you to remain comfortable. You don't have to do all of the things you want to do overnight - Norns know I didn't. You can work up to it. Piece by piece, at whatever rate you need."  
Thor nodded, and blinked hard, trying to keep some tears at bay. Loki noticed.  
"And if you like, you can start by not forcing yourself to repress emotions. Would you feel better if you cried, right now?"

"Possibly. But I don't want you to see that."

"Why? You've seen me cry."

Thor's face changed a little, understanding, and he nodded. He relaxed his face, and let a few tears roll down his cheek, didn't make efforts to hide them, to wipe them away.  
And that seemed to open up the floodgates, those first few, and before long, Loki had gathered Thor in his arms, holding him close and running a gentle hand up and down his back, pressing soft kisses to the crown of Thor's head.  
It took a while for him to recover, and when he did, all he said was a whispered, "thank you for listening to me."

"Frankly, Thor, if it had been any other matter, I'd have already left. But... You never stopped me from being myself. You never questioned when I tuned up as Lady Loki. You always went with what I've told you. If anything, I owe you as much patience in return."

Thor's sobs turned to sniffles, and Loki still held him.

And Loki held him the next time they spoke of it, and they played with the shape of Thor's face, and Thor cried at seeing how he could have looked this whole time - still him, still Thor, but with softer cheeks and jaw, with make-up that highlighted his best features, smearing it down his face with tear tracks.

And Loki held him as he babbled, excited about exploring all the hobbies he'd been denying himself for so long.

And Loki held them as they asked if it was okay to switch between calling them 'they' and 'he', and felt their hands shake as they asked, again and again, "Are you sure that's alright to do? I just don't know if I'm okay with anyone using 'they' all the time but I'm not okay with 'he' all the time either," and Loki reassured him that they didn't have to stay any one thing for any length of time.

And Loki held them as they asked to try out body changes, and asked him how they wanted to be. And Loki let him guide his hand, and they let him touch and explore and compare and contrast.

And Loki held him when he explained the only person he hadn't felt 'other' from was Loki.  
And Loki held them as he returned the sentiment.  
And Loki held them as their legs tangled and their mouths met.

And Loki loved everything that Thor was now, and everything Thor had always been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A.N. I swear I've been trying to write this one since early October and it kept turning into Issue!fic. And it vexed me because, like, I'm NB, if anyone should be able to make this work as not-issuefic it should be me, but no, kept turning into NB-101. ANYWAY. It is still a little bit but not so much I'm groaning and scrapping it for maybe the fourth time.)


	49. Ink and Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Flower Shop AU; Tattoo AU; Florist Thor; Tattoo Artist Loki; Secret relationship
> 
> Based off of this image:  


Loki's tattoo parlour shares part of its storefront with a flower shop, and one-off customers seem to find that funny, especially when they see a bouquet out next to the register.  
Newcomers at the flower shop see Thor and always assume he's the owner of the tattoo parlour - intricate designs all up his arms, creeping out the edge of his shirt - in summer, the ones on his calves on display as he wore shorts. They ask, 'is the owner in, or can I buy from you while he's away?' and he always delights in telling them that yes, he is, in fact, in charge here. They don't quite know how to react. They spend more money out of feeling guilty for assuming, sometimes.

Regulars, however, saw how the two of them were together. Saw Thor walking into the tattoo parlour with a grin on his face and an arrangement in his hands, and watched him place it on Loki's counter and ask what his schedule looked like for the day.  
Some of them ventured in for a walk-in tattoo appointment, and found Thor lying down, Loki working on a new design on his back.  
Loki always stopped tattooing midway when it was Thor. Thor understood. Never complained. Just went back the next time Loki was free and Thor was healed and picked up where they left off.

People who came very often asked Thor about the tattoos. All of them, he boasted, were Loki's work - he'd pull up a sleeve, or the edge of his shirt to expose more work, and point out patches, explain what Loki was trying to learn when he did this patch, or this one, or that one.  
Observant people noticed unusual things. A small circle of runes on Thor's bicep, spelling something they couldn't hope to understand at a glance. A little snake curled around a detailed hammer. A loop in a tribal pattern that looked like an angular heart if you saw it upside down - if you saw it the way Thor saw it.  
And observant people saw the types of flowers that always ended up on Loki's counter. Roses, sometimes, which got side glances from everyone - but only sometimes. Ranunculus was a common feature, and peonies too. Tulips and Baby's Breath, with a few sprigs of Lavender one week, followed by a collection of Irises, Hydrangeas, Lilacs and Forget-Me-Nots.  
Loki's face it up every time, and while all anyone ever saw him say was, 'Thank you, I love it, it's beautiful,' nobody quite believed that was the end of the story.

Nobody quite realised, though, that they weren't even seeing the beginning. When they went home together, and relaxed together, and Loki rubbed his thumb over the runes he'd scarred into Thor's skin that spelled out 'brother', and kissed the heart he'd hidden on Thor's chest, and made plans for the bare skin that still remained on Thor's thighs and back, rubbed aftercare cream onto the art that was still healing.  
Nobody realised, and they didn't care to share their life with anyone but each other.


	50. Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags:- Established Relationship; Visions;   
Summary:- Thor starts awake, head full of visions.

Thor woke with a start. The moon was still high in the sky, and Loki was by his side.

He shook his brother awake.  
"Loki? I need to speak with you."

Loki stirred, and it was slow, far too slow for Thor's liking. He kept his eyes closed as he kept shaking Loki, trying to commit as much detail as he could to memory before it slipped away.

"What? What is it?"

"I had a dream. I think. Maybe a vision. Actually, a lot of them."

Thor felt Loki bolt upright, and heard him ask, "Can you describe it to me?"

"I can try. It was a lot. It was all about us- well. Not always us as we know us?"  
He took in a deep breath, tried to calm, tried to set his thoughts in order.  
"It was always us. Sometimes we lived here. Sometimes we lived on Midgard. Or other worlds - you- it doesn't matter. It was- Every time, we got together. Or we loved one another. Or- no. Sometimes we didn't. Sometimes we just longed for each other. Or we didn't know what to do."

Loki laid a hand on Thor's forehead.  
"Are you alright? You're rambling."

"Can you just... You can look inside my head. Please. Please just look, this is too overwhelming for me to verbalise."

Loki just rested his fingers against Thor's temple, and-  
the whirlwind of images that filled his head was enough to make his skull ache, and he began to understand why Thor was so frantic.

"Do they look like visions, or just dreams?"

"I don't-- I don't know, Thor," Loki admitted. "They were more vivid than I've ever dreamt, I know that much."

Thor nodded, and held his head in his hands.  
"...You know what's-- what's, I guess, interesting about them?"

"There are a lot of interesting things, I'm struggling to narrow down which you mean."

"I mean- in every lifetime, it was always you. Even when it was't healthy. Even when we were terrible to one another. It's still you. I loved you in every one. Even- even the ones where you thought I didn't, I knew I did."

Loki pressed a kiss to his head, and whispered back, "I loved you in every one, too."

Their ragged breaths began to match each other, eventually slowing to a calmer pace.  
And they didn't talk again, but they both knew;  
they knew that they were meant to be together.  
they knew that they were in their best timeline together.  
they knew the Norns didn't disapprove.  
they knew their mother still loved them.  
they knew there were worse threats out there.  
they knew enough now to weather them, if they crossed their current path.

And they knew they were safe in each other's arms as they drifted back to sleep, legs wound together and lips pressed against skin.  
They knew they were right where they were meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand I'm done!  
Thanks to everyone who's read even some of these - I really enjoyed doing this. I'm glad I stopped at 50, because keeping this up for another 50, I think, would have worn on me - but doing this many felt like a good place to cut it off.  
Plus, I'm really happy I got to finally do this chapter. I knew before I even started that this was how I wanted it to end, with Thor on Asgard, seeing into every other reality and knowing they were meant to be with each other.  
If anyone wants to message me privately, I'm on Twitter as MoonxGoddex - I'm not on often at the moment, though I'm willing to change that if folks want to chat, haha~

**Author's Note:**

> You are welcome to make podfic, write fic based on these ficlets, or create fanart based on them. I would appreciate credit and a link back, but it's alright if you forget, so long as you're not withholding credit for your own personal gain/replicating my work for profit.


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